Taxi sharing with male friend

[Novasmum]

Looking for perspective over this situation.
For context mixed gender friendship group and myself are mid to late 20s and socialise on weekends by dinner then drinking in the town centre. I share a taxi home with 1/2 of my male friends as we live close. Taxi ride home is as such.

Same way until a roundabout.

Turn off 1 is 3 minutes away from male friends house
Turn off 2 is 5 minutes away from my house
Distance between is about 4 minutes.

Lately I have been requesting to be dropped off first which puts male friend slightly out of the way. But he has started complaining. I have explained after drinking I am uncomfortable being a woman alone in taxi and that it would be really appreciated and safer if I was dropped first. He does not understand this at all.

Do I need to grow up and accept him being dropped off first or is he being unreasonable in not understanding his privilege as a man not having to take his safety into consideration with things like this? Thank you

Statistically men are subject to more random attacks. Take it in turns, whoever is paying gets out last/first you choose

To address a few things.

I know the dynamic, this friend will not want to go home earlier and if they do, we leave together.
If I’m with female friends only we go to their house and get dropped off in the morning.
If I have to go home alone for any reason, that’s what I have to do. There seems to be the assumption on this thread that I do not leave the house or ever get in a taxi.

I won’t be commenting anymore but I’ll say if I have sons, they’ll be raised to be aware that a few minutes inconvenience for the safety of a female friend is worth much more than arriving home 5 minutes later.

If I have to go home alone that's what I have to do

But...... That's not what you said here?!
I do not go out alone if this friend is not there to share a taxi as a safety precaution.
Well seeing as you said this, you can surely understand why people are taking that as you don't go out alone unless you've got him there as your safety blanket!
You can't seriously expect him to always be there to chaperone you as you can't go anywhere alone without him which is what it sounds like from that.

If I lived v near a female friend and she said she was anxious about being last in the taxi, I'd drop her first. Because I'm her friend and care about her. It shouldn't be this difficult to care for a friend.

I don't know why so many women here are dismissing your anxiety so lightly. If you're uncomfortable being in a taxi on your own your friend should respect that and be more considerate.
One of my friends was sexually assaulted by a taxi driver many years ago and the rest of our friendship group respect the fact that she will not be in a taxi on her own even though security is much tighter these days.
It's not just the rapes and murders that make the news that women worry about, it's being touched, or even being made uncomfortable with lewd comments and looks that SOME men like to make.

I'd hope you'd teach your sons to protect themselves, as they are more likely to be attacked by a random man taxi than their female friends.

Wow, the level of scorn aimed at women who are concerned about their safety is fucking disgusting.

Are you that nasty if someone tells you they’re scared of a dog or spiders? But when defending men, some women seem to get extra harsh in their language.

Not when it comes to sexual assaults they’re not. They’re also far more likely to get justice if a driver attacks them, where as getting justice for sexual assault is rare.
www.forbes.com/sites/rachelsandler/2019/12/05/uber-reports-nearly-6000-sexual-assaults-in-rides-over-two-years/

@Naunet we aren't just talking about sexual assaults.

Men are more likely to be victims of crime than women. This is a fact, a fact the OP doesn't seem to want to accept, she is actually being the shit for making him stay on in a dangerous situation after dropping her off first.

Men are still at a higher risk of violence than women are at risk of sexual assault, either way you slice this, the OP is a lower risk profile.

Not in a bloody taxi, they're not!

The lengths that some women will go to minimise women's concerns and place men front and centre is ......well, baffling. Why? What do you hope to achieve by it?

@SweetSenorita yes in a taxi, or do you think crime stats are broke down by whether the assailant was a taxi driver?

Sexual assaults from strangers are the lowest risk of crime against women.

No matter how you slice this stats state the male friend is at higher risk of being left alone with an unknown male compared to the OP.

Actually scratch that, the taxi driver is the person at highest risk, as attacks against taxi drivers are higher than the average risk factors of male on male violence

Bloody hell, you have spectacularly missed the point.

I think that crime stats are broken down by more than simply the sex of the victim, yes. It may be true that a male is more likely to suffer some sort of assault than a female. But that blunt statistic takes no account of circumstance and definitely no account of the severity and consequences of a possible attack, which are far greater for a woman than a man.

Back to the taxi. A solitary woman passenger will be at greater risk of assault by her driver than a solitary male passenger. I'm really not concerned about the safety of the taxi driver for the purposes of this particular discussion.

It's classic 'whataboutery'! OP doesn't feel safe and all you can come up with is: "What about the male friend?" And "what about the sodding taxi driver?", neither of whom are the focus of this thread.

But yeah .... won't SOMEBODY think about the men? Pffft!

@SweetSenorita but they're not at higher risk being alone with a male taxi driver compared to the male friend.

That's the bloody point.

You sound ott and selfish also.

Either dont go out anymore or stop demanding to be dropped first.
And stop going out until 4am.
Its not your male friends issue.
If you were sharing with a female friend would you have demanded to be dropped first too..?

Can't you book an Uber? It's all traced. The drivers name is known, the plate number is known, it's traceable on a map, you can see the past journeys and leave reviews for the drivers and see their ratings on the app, often there is a photo of the driver etc. Would this help?

Do you not think most of us have concerns for our own safety? And the safety of women general. I do and I have never compromised on ensuring I am safe. But OP is showing an unnatural level of anxiety in that she does not want to go out unless she has a male chaperone to take her home. That is not good for her and it is not normal and not something most of us have found necessary. Honestly can you imagine if it were the case that we should only be allowed out with our chaperones.

I think the OP said she uses an Uber.

Totally agree.
The harpies on here don't seem to get that the OP is not refusing to go out or in a taxi ever unless accompanied by a man. She is just expressing her feelings of unease / discomfort and asking for advice and opinions.
Bet the poor woman wishes she had never bothered.

"The harpies on here don't seem to get that the OP is not refusing to go out or in a taxi ever unless accompanied by a man."

and yet as someone else quoted

"I do not go out alone if this friend is not there to share a taxi as a safety precaution."

If you’re not going to read the full thread at least read the OPs comments.

I do not go out alone if this friend is not there to share a taxi as a safety precaution.

If I’m with female friends only we go to their house and get dropped off in the morning.

Yabvu. You drop off in order he isn't your babysitter.

No I’m with you Op woman should be dropped off 1st , I hate taxis alone , your mate should be a mate!

You need to work on you, there's obviously something wrong. I assume you have anxiety at the least.

NTFT but in the days when I took taxis home after nights out, I would try to avoid being a lone female in one - my male friends would happily go out of their way to support me in that. I don’t think there’s anything wrong in what you’re asking, but unfortunately you can’t change this person. Find better friends.