Taxi sharing with male friend

[Novasmum]

Looking for perspective over this situation.
For context mixed gender friendship group and myself are mid to late 20s and socialise on weekends by dinner then drinking in the town centre. I share a taxi home with 1/2 of my male friends as we live close. Taxi ride home is as such.

Same way until a roundabout.

Turn off 1 is 3 minutes away from male friends house
Turn off 2 is 5 minutes away from my house
Distance between is about 4 minutes.

Lately I have been requesting to be dropped off first which puts male friend slightly out of the way. But he has started complaining. I have explained after drinking I am uncomfortable being a woman alone in taxi and that it would be really appreciated and safer if I was dropped first. He does not understand this at all.

Do I need to grow up and accept him being dropped off first or is he being unreasonable in not understanding his privilege as a man not having to take his safety into consideration with things like this? Thank you

Closest person should get dropped off first. I do this with my friend which means she gets out of the taxi first - however we always make a point of saying (in front of taxi driver) that I will ring her as soon as I'm home safely.

Saying that you wouldn't go out if that friend wasn't going is placing quite a burden on him. He can't leave earlier and has to leave when you do, and on top of that he needs to go a longer way home. He then gets called "privileged".

You need to work out a way to get home independently.

He's a bit of a prick, isn't he?

I think your level of anxiety is unreasonable and you will struggle in future.

@ilovesooty

Perhaps the OP should be careful about drinking if she feels unsafe in a taxi too

What? You are suggesting that the OP should change the way she behaves, despite the fact that the thing she fears, being assaulted, happens to women who are sober and women who are drunk, and it happens because men assault, not because women drink?

I think the OP is worrying to much, but none the less, engage your brain before you post.

I do think you are worrying too much OP.

You can’t live your life too scared to get in a taxi, your universe will shrink to nothing by the time you are 30.

So while I do think your friend is a dick, because what’s it to him, I think he’s inadvertently doing you a favour.

Hm. I would let him get dropped off first, but then I've never had concerns about being a single woman in a taxi after drinking. What would you do if nobody else needed a taxi, how would you get home alone?

I was extremely drunk one time, but had been sick at the venue toilets and fallen asleep next to my friends in the booth as they carried on. When it was time for my pre-booked taxi, my two female friends insisted on getting in the taxi with me. I was still drunk, but actually just more tired by this point and slept for most of the journey. I really didn't understand why they did that. I did ask them the next day, and they looked confused, as in they thought it should be obvious to me. I just don't really consider these things.

YABU - you are insisting on the "long way round" so you need to pay the difference between that and thr "direct route" every time as you are the one who is causing the price increase and inconvenience.

I won't say that YABU to be concerned for your own personal safety as everyone has their own boundaries but I do have to say that you seem overly anxious about spending a few minutes alone with an Uber driver when you have already been in his car for a while and have a record of the journey (so easily identifiable). I have often been the last one in a shared taxi home, every time someone gets out those of us left in the taxi always promise to give the departing friend "three rings when we get in" (aka posting on the WhatsApp group that we were home safe) and there has never been any occasion when I haven't felt safe.

What would you do if your friend had to leave early because of a family emergency or because they were ill? Or if they didn't want to go home when you did? Or what if one week they were staying somewhere else in the opposite direction so couldn't taxi share?

YABU your paranoia isn't his problem.

Yes, I was wondering this too?

I think he's being really inconsiderate.

🙄 get over yourself

This just isn’t true. I have always had woman alone fear. I never get in taxis alone. I rarely use them full stop. I don’t walk alone at night. I chose to drive to events if I can’t work out a safe route home. My life is not at all restricted, I just plan things carefully.

I believe this is because I was a young teenager in the 80s when it really seemed like the world was a very dangerous place for women to be. The fear back then was real and many women chose not to go out because of it. We were bombarded with news of murders, assaults and serial killers. Surely others here remember what it was like growing up with that around? It feels so much safer now, DNA and other advances in forensics have helped I think. But it really is hard wired in my psyche now. And it’s not curtailed my life that I feel the need to change now.

I would question the friendship of anyone who wouldn’t do a small thing like this for me to make me feel safer, it’s really not a hardship for him for the sake of 15-30 minutes. He’s an arse and I’d tell him that.

The OP mentioned in her first post feeling anxious about being alone in the taxi after drinking. I was responding to her own words. No need to tell me to engage your brain

Exactly. Also...
What would you do if nobody else needed a taxi, how would you get home alone?

Virtually every time I get a taxi, I'm the only passenger. I'm single and don't have friends who live anywhere near me. And most of my taxi rides are at the end of train/plane journeys that haven't involved friends anyway.

I'm not casual about safety, but nor am I prepared to live in fear and see danger around every corner.

It’s random taxi drivers I do not trust.
I do not go out alone if this friend is not there to share a taxi as a safety precaution.

Blimey, that sounds suffocating for your friend. Personally, I always feel safer once I'm in a taxi, but that's by the by.

Maybe I've missed this, but what is your mate even complaining about? You said it's not the money so is it that he gets home what ... four minutes later?

You’re wrong to say your life isn’t restricted, of course it is if you won’t walk alone or get a taxi alone.

OP I think you’re being unreasonable and overly paranoid, what do you do if you have to get home alone or go out with female friends and share a taxi?

I wouldn’t think twice about getting a taxi home alone and I live in a big city, I won’t allow my life to be dictated by being overly fearful, I’ll live my life.

What do you think will happen to you?

Completely agree, I’m not going to put my life on hold because of being overly cautious, I consider getting a taxi/Uber a safe way to get home, equally if I’m somewhere the public transport is a good option that’s how I’ll get to where I need to be.

I won’t let fear rule my life.

You don’t go out alone ever without a male friend for ‘protection’?

Where on earth do you live? Your level of paranoid is unreasonable.

I would of thought your "friend" would of our your safety as priority first.

Put

I have never cut corners with my own personal safety, but I have taken many solo taxis over the years. So long as it is a proper licensed taxi it is very safe and I have certainly never deprived myself of a night out because I don’t have a man to accompany me on the journey home.

I think you are being overly cautious and a bit precious to insist on being dropped off first each time and expecting others to pay extra because you are not taking the quickest route home.