Because of DH’s insomnia we don’t flush our toilets at night plus other accommodations, AIBU?

[Somersetweelassie]

I’m trying not to drip feed here but have name changed. AIBU?

Dh has insomnia, probably partly caused by stress. Some is down to one of our children - who is now an adult and has left home - really being a challenge and some was down to a stressful job, which he’s now left. he isn’t working atm.

As a result of the insomnia we sleep in separate rooms, which is fine by both of us. To help him sleep he has ear plugs, complete blackout curtains and a weighted blanket.

Because the water tank for our house is above his room and because it gurgles for ages after a shower is used or a loo is flushed we don’t shower after 9pm (sometimes tricky with nocturnal teens but we manage) and we don’t flush loos at night.

We are away, staying in a huge house and the water tank is not above his room.

The bathroom next to my bedroom which is the next floor down, will be used in the night and he’s asked me not to flush the loo. I’m irritated, AIBU?

[Windbeneathmybingowings]

We don’t flush the loo at night, until it’s a pop, it wakes the babies.

[Afterfire]

Do you really need to flush the toilet during the night? For a wee? I mean for a poo I can understand but how likely is it that you’ll poop during the night?

i am like your dh - I can’t sleep with noise during the night at all. But then I’m used to living in a house like this 🙈 Ds aged 10 and I both have autism and can’t sleep with noise going on at all. We use the light on our phones to see around upstairs when dh and I go to bed as otherwise Ds wakes up (his door is pulled shut but the light in the hallway or bathroom would wake him) and we never use the shower / flush the toilet after Ds is asleep.

[Ffsmakeitstop]

Not to be harsh but if he's not sleeping anyway then I'd flush the loo.
I have every sympathy for you it's so difficult walking on eggshells because of other people's problems.

[dippingdots12]

We dont flush the loo at night either unless its a poop. Just don't want to wake the kids or each other.

[Sprogonthetyne]

We also don't flush at night (unless it's a poo), it's just not worth waking anyone up for, especially my toddler. Is it really worth getting annoyed about? You'll presumably go in the morning and can flush then, it's not really a hardship.

[Cas112]

We don't flush the toilet at night, no other reason than not to it's late and the toilet is noisy

[Vikinga]

I never flush at night even with noone having any problems

[Covidagainandagain]

I have horrendous insomnia and I think he might be being a bit unreasonable but I see where he is coming from.

When we moved from the last house (bathroom right next to the main bedroom) to this house (bathroom right at the other end of a long house) my DH started flushing the toilet in the night again because it was far enough away not to wake me up.

That said my insomnia can be much worse on holiday especially the first couple of nights and can really spoil it so he might be trying to just make sure he gets as much sleep as he can assuming that he wont get as much as normal

[Penguintears]

Is it really that hard not to flush the loo so your DH can sleep? Sounds like you have no compassion for his insomnia.

[Branster]

Is it insomnia or is he a very light sleeper.
If insomnia, he's awake anyway, the noise won't make any difference.
It never occurred to me not to flush the toilet or not to shower if someone in the house has gone to bed (trying to sleep or already asleep).
Has he tried a magnesium foot bath, or those manesium oil sprays? apparently really help with sleeping.
You and your children should do the normal things and DH just has to re-adapt to all house noises. What would happen on holiday, in a hotel?

[oviraptor21]

Not flushing the loo for a wee seems reasonable.
Not having a shower (or a bath?) after 9pm is definitely unreasonable. I wouldn't want to go to bed all sweaty.

[CactusBlossom]

When you are away, perhaps stay in different houses/hotels?
If there are other people in a large house, I don't see how he can reasonably expect no-one to "use the plumbing".

[KarrotKake]

If it's yellow, let it mellow. I don't see an issue with not flshing at night - although 9pm isn't really night, imo.

No showers after 9 is crazy and unfair on others in the house.

And I'm writing this at 2am because I can't sleep, it's too hot in our room and DH won't sleep with the door or windows open, which would cool the room down - the rest of the house is much cooler. So I'm on the sofa.

[Tippexy]

Not flushing the toilet after you’ve been is absolutely grim. 🤢

[MrsTerryPratchett]

So he isn't working and all of you are creeping around to not have him lose sleep. I'm the insomniac in the family and i think this is barking.

Is he typically controlling,, expecting everyone to bend to his will?

[PizzaPatel]

I don’t really understand why it affects you to not flush the loo at night. As many others have said it’s quite normal not to. And if it helps him, why not? What about the situation irritates you?

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

I have chronic insomnia (hence being up at this time) but would never expect anyone to have to walk on eggshells around me. When my boyfriend stays over (or I'm at his) I'll flush, but at home on my own I often won't during the night it it's just a wee, to save water.

It sounds as if it's all him, him, him.

[Shamoo]

Not flushing the toilet at night is not walking on eggshells!

[HoppingPavlova]

In principle the no showers/toilet flushing of a night seems reasonable but not 9pm. I would think more after 11pm ish. We are all still here, there and everywhere at 9pm and I can’t imagine the state of the toilets with wee’s from several adults being held from 9pm until 6am, it would be rank. I find organically people tend not to flush from around midnight on in our household once the majority have dispersed somewhat.

[WiddlinDiddlin]

We don't currently flush after 11pm, because our water system can randomly make an unholy moaning noise in the pipes and this is a terraced house. It was earlier, when one side had small children but now there are just adults either side.

No ones asked us to, I just think its not on to make a horrid noise that travels like that will, late at night. It is only 11pm til 6am though, not that great a hardship!

I don't think its walking on eggshells exactly, but I do think he probably ought to be doing more about his insomnia than relying on the WHOLE household to be silent for what is a pretty long period of time.

[BarbaraofSeville]

@Tippexy

Not flushing the toilet after you’ve been is absolutely grim. 🤢

It's really not. Have you never heard of 'if it's yellow, let it mellow...'?

Let's hope we never have water shortages and that sort of thing will be enforced to preserve water for when it's needed more.

[loislovesstewie]

If he can't sleep through the noise of a water tank refilling, then how does he cope with noise outside the house? I was a firm believer, when the kids were small, of just getting them used to sleeping through noise, and surely he needs to do that? And get treatment for insomnia! Sorry if that sounds harsh, but noise happens , and we can't always avoid it.

[BiasedBinding]

“I was a firm believer, when the kids were small, of just getting them used to sleeping through noise”

to an extent yes, but if a specific and avoidable noise that you had control over consistently woke them up, and they didn’t get used to sleeping through it, what would you have done?

[Yerroblemom1923]

No one flushes the loo at night unless it's a poo. Just a wee? Let it be. If it's brown it's going down.

[Marvellousmadness]

I feel sorry for him
However. The hole house shouldn't have to tip toe all night because of him