Because of DH’s insomnia we don’t flush our toilets at night plus other accommodations, AIBU?

[Somersetweelassie]

I’m trying not to drip feed here but have name changed. AIBU?

Dh has insomnia, probably partly caused by stress. Some is down to one of our children - who is now an adult and has left home - really being a challenge and some was down to a stressful job, which he’s now left. he isn’t working atm.

As a result of the insomnia we sleep in separate rooms, which is fine by both of us. To help him sleep he has ear plugs, complete blackout curtains and a weighted blanket.

Because the water tank for our house is above his room and because it gurgles for ages after a shower is used or a loo is flushed we don’t shower after 9pm (sometimes tricky with nocturnal teens but we manage) and we don’t flush loos at night.

We are away, staying in a huge house and the water tank is not above his room.

The bathroom next to my bedroom which is the next floor down, will be used in the night and he’s asked me not to flush the loo. I’m irritated, AIBU?

It’s fine to not flush until the morning. Surely if you know your husband has insomnia you won’t mind not doing it?

As PP said it sounds like he's being a pedant, you've just arrived to this location and he has no idea whether he'll be disturbed by the flushing of the loo or not, go ahead and flush if you want to - see what happens. I'm all for being considerate of other people but sometimes I'm just gonna do what I wanna do. (and incase you hadn't guessed, I flush every time I go, you can all judge but just know I'm judging you all too lol)

We don't flush for a wee overnight.
But I agree with a PP that I think your DH has become very anxious about the fact he can't sleep and is possibly now "looking" for things that are going to be a problem.

And he's also going to sleep far too early if no-one can shower after 9pm. I would agree for quietness in the house between 11-7. Is he getting help for anxiety?

If there's other people in the holiday house so you feel you need to flush overnight then try it out in daytime to see if he can hear it

Different house Different rules flush away

I'm an insomniac have been for over thirty years flushing the toilet makes zero difference to me

I think you are being unreasonable.

I remember 'do you flush the toilet at night being being a normal question when staying at someone else's house 🤷‍♀️

Has he done anything about it like seen a doctor or no?

We don't flush during the night.

Anyone saying "has he sought medical help" is very naive about insomnia. There is very very little "medical" help out there! I say this as a chronic insomniac! I can imagine he has built up rules and routines in a desperate attempt to get to and stay asleep. It can be incredibly mentally and physically draining.

I think it is a small sacrifice on the part of everyone else for having a functioning dh around during their holiday.

It could be psychological, he needs the reassurance you won’t. Tbh I’d say I won’t, then ‘forget’ on the first night, if it wakes him up and he mentions it don’t do it again and if it doesn’t bother him you can carry on.

I hate going to the toilet and finding it unflushed. It's rank. If you are worried about water usage then fit a toilet hippo in your cistern but don't expect other people to flush for you when they come to the toilet.

And, FWIW, I'm a light sleeper and wake up when someone gets out of bed to goes to the toilet long before they flush. You just have to live with it.

Your husband needs a white noise machine (I use an air purifier and dehumidifier for this purpose).
He also needs to go to be later. If he is going to bed at 9pm he probably isn't waiting for his sleep cues to kick in. If he reduces the time he is trying to sleep, he will probably end up with less hours sleep but better quality.
He should do some reading on proper ways to deal with insomnia.

just keep the lid down on the loo and flush it at a conveninent time

We never flush the loo at night (unless it was a poo).

Eurgh. Grim. I bet all your bathrooms stink of festering piss in the morning.

just keep the lid down

They don’t, try it and you might find out your fears are unfounded

How on earth do you pee? Do you spray it sound the room? A wee in the toilet bowl for a few hours especially with the lid down couldn't possibly fester. If yours does iyou might need to see your GP

We are away, staying in a huge house and the water tank is not above his room.
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The bathroom next to my bedroom which is the next floor down, will be used in the night and he’s asked me not to flush the loo. I’m irritated, AIBU?

Why are you irritated? As most posters say, flushing in the night is a habit and loads of people don’t do it because they’re in the habit not to. So this won’t make any difference to you.

So you’re annoyed because he asked before anyone had a chance to flush. Your irritation is at his presumption that you needed telling, his presumption that it would be a problem for him (even if it wasn’t) but also a general upset at the level of control his insomnia has over everyone. You need to unpack that last part, because you’re clearly not as fine about it as you’ve tried to convince yourself you are.

I thought insomnia means he can't sleep. So why can't you flush the loo or have a shower after 9pm? Is he trying to get to sleep at 9pm anyway? If so, no wonder he can't!

At home can he swap rooms so he is not below the bathroom and 9pm is pretty early unless the loo and tank takes an hour to fill. Has he tried going to bed later. Does he take anything to help him sleep. I would be irritated if he has done nothing to try and help the situation but we dont flush wee at night. How do you all manage if any of you get upset tummies.

If it does wake him up that could potentially be it for his sleep that night. I think it's quite unkind to risk that for the sake of an experiment/so that the OP doesn't feel she's being told what to do.

There are different kinds of insomnia - trouble falling asleep is one, but so is waking up in the night and not being able to get back to sleep or waking up very early in the morning. Presumably he has one of the last two, which is why he's going to bed so early in a bid to try and get more sleep overall. In which case I do think it's cruel to risk waking him for no real gain for the OP.

I would only be okay with this if he had done everything possible to try and help himself. I don't mean purchasing quick fixes, I mean lots of exercise, no caffeine, yoga/relaxation, sleeping pills...

It sounds a bit like he has made his problem everyone else's problem. That's fine if the goodwill goes both ways, but it sounds like it's all going to him and you aren't even getting appreciation back.

Insomnia is just awful it ends up governing your life and you end you feeling absolutely desperate. It's not a big thing not to flush the loo over night.

We have always flushed the toilet during the night even for wees, but neither of us have insomnia (yes of course I've heard all the yellow mellow stuff but personally I think net's gross).
I'd probably tell him I won't, to ease his worries but then forget and see what happens...it might wake him up in which case I'd avoid it again or he might not notice in which I'd case I'd continue to flush if I went.

I think it's unpleasant to not flush the loo. It is also just 'white noise', not like heavy thumping music for example. I think he would get use to it.