Because of DH’s insomnia we don’t flush our toilets at night plus other accommodations, AIBU?

[Somersetweelassie]

I’m trying not to drip feed here but have name changed. AIBU?

Dh has insomnia, probably partly caused by stress. Some is down to one of our children - who is now an adult and has left home - really being a challenge and some was down to a stressful job, which he’s now left. he isn’t working atm.

As a result of the insomnia we sleep in separate rooms, which is fine by both of us. To help him sleep he has ear plugs, complete blackout curtains and a weighted blanket.

Because the water tank for our house is above his room and because it gurgles for ages after a shower is used or a loo is flushed we don’t shower after 9pm (sometimes tricky with nocturnal teens but we manage) and we don’t flush loos at night.

We are away, staying in a huge house and the water tank is not above his room.

The bathroom next to my bedroom which is the next floor down, will be used in the night and he’s asked me not to flush the loo. I’m irritated, AIBU?

If you’ve never suffered with insomnia you have no idea how debilitating and frustrating it is. The least little noise wakes me when I’m in a bad patch and it honestly makes me cry with frustration and exhaustion when some little noise wakes me just as I’ve fallen asleep. So if he’s asking you nicely then yabu to refuse.

Do any of you have insomnia?

I have insomnia but I don't think it's reasonable to expect people not to flush the loo at night or have a shower. There are treatments for insomnia that involve having sleep monitored to help identify the underlying causes and 'retrain' sleeping. Has he ever thought of trying one of these? It really sounds as if his anxiety is becoming worse. It might help to identify if the insomnia is a symptom of his anxiety rather than the cause.

What's the big deal with not flushing? My loo backs on to DS's headboard and once he mentioned how noisy it was we stopped flushing overnight (unless needed, obv).

ZOMBIE thread.

I’ve never in my life and I’m in my fifties heard of not flushing the toilet at night.

We live in a very small home, still have 2 at home (20 and 21) and they have never been woken by the flushing. Likewise I never hear them at night.

I think you are being unfair. Insomnia is fucking awful. Whether it's caused by anxiety or stress or whatever. Yes, he should seek help, but in the mean time you not flushing the toilet after a wee at night isn't the end of the world is it?

OK, but you must know tha tnot everyone is the same, not flushing at night out of consideration for others who might wake up is an obvious thing that people do.

Sounds crazy that you are all beholden to his insomnia

That his insomnia is somehow a way for him to control you all and make you walk on eggshells

Am not even sure that is helpful to him tbh

I have insomnia myself, it's just a fact of life, and if he does not work anyway, it does not matter. Do what if he only sleeps maybe 3 or 4 hours? You can function on that. I can.

Insomnia gets worse if people become very controlling about it and claim they can only sleep if conditions are just right

I think it sounds too demanding on his part