Because of DH’s insomnia we don’t flush our toilets at night plus other accommodations, AIBU?

[Somersetweelassie]

I’m trying not to drip feed here but have name changed. AIBU?

Dh has insomnia, probably partly caused by stress. Some is down to one of our children - who is now an adult and has left home - really being a challenge and some was down to a stressful job, which he’s now left. he isn’t working atm.

As a result of the insomnia we sleep in separate rooms, which is fine by both of us. To help him sleep he has ear plugs, complete blackout curtains and a weighted blanket.

Because the water tank for our house is above his room and because it gurgles for ages after a shower is used or a loo is flushed we don’t shower after 9pm (sometimes tricky with nocturnal teens but we manage) and we don’t flush loos at night.

We are away, staying in a huge house and the water tank is not above his room.

The bathroom next to my bedroom which is the next floor down, will be used in the night and he’s asked me not to flush the loo. I’m irritated, AIBU?

Maybe the tank isnt filling properly or your water pressure is low. Combi boilers dont make any.noise.

We'd never flush at night either, I presumed this was just the normal tbh.
Although tbf there's only 2 adults and we have 4 toilets.

We flush at any hour of the day or night. None of us wants to be met by anyone else's stale pee!

All of us have been known to occasionally shower late too if hot and sweaty, as well as in the morning.

If he won't get help and support for his issues I would flush and shower as needed because fuck making it everyone else's problem sometimes you need to suck it up and help yourself

This. I take it you are working, so why are you putting up with this crap? Also why is he going to bed at 9PM?

YANBU OP, it's grim starting the day seeing and smelling piss that has been in the toilet all night. I can't believe so many people do it. I wouldn't entertain tiptoeing around him unless he has done everything he can to treat the cause of the insomnia, ie go to a doctor or therapist.

Eurgh. Grim. I bet all your bathrooms stink of festering piss in the morning.

You need to hydrate, pal.

Sorry but Completely unreasonable. Who doesn't flush the toilet??? I'm a terrible insomniac but I'm not going to tell others what they can do

Still stinks if it's there all night, especially if more than one person is using the same lol.

I’m with grim.
I also have insomnia and would never expect anyone to tip toe around me at night because I’m usually awake! As in a flushing toilet at 2am isn’t going to wake me up, because I’m usually not sleeping. And if I do happen to be sleeping then it will be the sleep of pure exhaustion where it wouldn’t wake me up. My bedroom is right next to the bathroom too.

It sounds like he hasn’t been to the doctor or taken many steps to address this. I’d find it hard to be totally sympathetic tbh. He needs to take some steps to sort himself out. What is he doing during the day? I think it’s pretty difficult to sleep if you haven’t done much. Do you think he would go to one of the male support groups? There seem to be lots of them popping up, there will be people there with mental health conditions
as for the not flushing I think it’s ok if it’s late at night but if it’s from 9pm in a multiple adult household it’s a bit grim! If you have the money maybe get a plumber in, perhaps a mains fed system with no tank would be better?

Not flushing, even for a wee is disgusting. All those germs laying there

sorry I would be flushing regardless and he would be told to get medical help

at home why can’t you swap rooms so the water tank is above you

You need to make normal household noise , your body gets used to it and you start to sleep through

@Tinkerbyebye letting yellow mellow doesn't pose a health risk, urine is normally sterile.

Haven't RTFT - just wanted to suggest that when you are at home, if you are keen to flush then you could avoid the gurgling water tank by dumping a bucket of water down the loo after using it at night, instead of flushing.

ZOMBIE

That. Until recently when I started suffering from it, I never really understood how awful insomnia is. I'd always been able to sleep for England, and just assumed that people who didn't sleep well just lay in bed calmly and cosily until they slept again (though probably felt crap at work next day). It's not like that at all, for me at least. It's misery.

I have the 'waking several times a night and not getting back to sleep' sort, and I world wish the same misery on anyone who put flushing a wee ahead of my mental health.

I don't flush in the night after a pee, and I live alone, so no-one to wake bar the neighbours!

I would for a poo, gross not to, although I haven't needed a crap in the night since I had norovirus in 2007

AAARGH

Which germs are those @Tinkerbyebye ?

Do you think wee is infectious?

I'd be annoyed if my family DIDN'T flush the toilet at night after a wee.

I really wouldn't want to go in the bathroom first thing in the morning and see yellow water in the toilet.

You don't suffer from severe insomnia though. You might feel differently if you did.

Speaking as someone who has severe insomnia; the chances are he'll be awake anyway so it won't make any difference to him if the toilet is flushed or not.

If he is a light sleeper; that's totally different. A bit of wee in the toilet in the morning is fine. A poo however... urgh.

If he is is refusing to seek help for it (even if undiagnosed); that's just selfish and it is obviously affecting the rest of you. Ask him to google 'NHS sleep hygiene' information and self-refer to mental health services.

To me of there is reason i would need to flush i would, but it is not an inconvenience not to flush

Do yo really need to flush or is it one of those 'I am now being asked so that is when I have an issue' things

@saraclara

You don't suffer from severe insomnia though. You might feel differently if you did.

You're wrong there, hence me posting this at 1.30am.

I'm awake anyway so flushing the toilet isn't going to wake me up.

I'd have more sympathy for someone who was a light sleeper!

Can he try playing pink or brown (like white noise, just slightly different) noise at night? I do this on loop on my Alexa as I live in a very urbanised area and it really blocks out everything - cars outside, neighbours, birds singing etc. Well worth a try.

I was married to an insomniac and didn't bother tiptoeing around. He did do the noise app though so this is a tip from the trenches.