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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Holiday problem with SD's mum

144 replies

ThisMustBeMyDream · 07/07/2022 21:31

I have another thread which goes in to the bigger issues, but this is the current scenario and I'd really like opinions. This is my other thread www.mumsnet.com/talk/stepparenting/4574123-holiday-issuespassport. This issue will be before court next week as part of a bigger issue of not handing passport over or agreeing handover times or the rest of the division of holiday dates.
We booked a holiday for the summer holidays with mums agreement. Return flight is 22.10 with us landing 02.30. Mum has now gone this week and booked a holiday TO THE SAME BLOODY DESTINATION on the same day we return knowing our dates/times already. Mum is saying she wants SD handed back over at 10.30am. Given current airport issues, delays etc we don't even know if we will be in the country at 10.30am!! But even if we arrive back at 02.30 it will be 5am at the earliest before we reach our beds. SD is 5. And she is expecting us to get her up at 9am and make the hour journey with her. It won't be safe for DP to drive for one, let alone fair on SD to have 4 hours or less sleep and then go back to the airport and fly back to the same bloody place.
What a mess. What should DP be asking in court? He had been planning to ask for handover times to be 9am the day before travel, handover 6pm the day we get home. Realistically if she is flying at 16.35 (which is what she is claiming, but when we checked there aren't even any flights to the destination at that time on that day - but there is the following day!!!) she needs SD back by 12pm. But I know I wouldn't be happy with it being that late on the day of travel. We are flying at 14.50 and we're leaving for the airport at 09.30 and having a big brunch in a pub nearby before going to the airport for the 3 hours before our flight time.Me and DP are just going round in circles with what to do. Please can the wise mumsnetters give some sage advice here. SD has been shoved in the middle of mums weird games again, and all we want to do is to do right by her. But her mum is making the situation beyond difficult.

OP posts:
IntegrityisDead · 13/07/2022 08:11

You could try ringing your local Border Force office - they would be able to scan the passport though I imagine they would also need documentary proof of the dad/daughter relationship to satisfy data protection regulations but worth a shot?

ThisMustBeMyDream · 13/07/2022 13:04

So the email address he was given have replied asking for passport details and they will look in to it. So that is hugely promising. Feeling a little brighter with that news. They responded swiftly too, which is amazing for a government dept.

OP posts:
OhmygodDont · 13/07/2022 13:23

Highly likely they haven’t done anything but it’s put you on edge and made you worry so job done. Her parents being the dicks also mean she’s in the clear court wise as she didn’t do anything.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 13/07/2022 14:08

Quite probably. I'm just so sad at it all. 5 years of her just wanting DP out of SDs life really takes its toll. DP is genuinely wonderful. Believe me, I could not put up with this shit if he was in any way at fault, or not a good person.
She just doesn't want to share their child. She is quite obsessed with her not being brought up any different to her older sister (who doesn't see her dad for reasons unknown to dp). Having dp in her life means that she is treated differently because she has a dad.

OP posts:
Geordielass1987 · 16/07/2022 18:53

Did you manage to fly with her passport was all ok op?

ThisMustBeMyDream · 16/07/2022 20:05

The holiday is at the end of July, so we don't know yet. No response from the email he replied to yet either so we have no idea what is happening.

OP posts:
unname · 17/07/2022 17:03

Rather than booking a cheap plane ticket to check as suggested, your DH could go to the ticket counter for the airline that you are flying on. Explain the situation and ask them if they can check the passport for you.

If that’s not feasible, is there a train station nearby with trains to EU? Maybe the immigration officers at a Eurostar gate would help.

whynotwhatknot · 21/07/2022 23:37

any update op?

ThisMustBeMyDream · 22/07/2022 01:04

Yes, the Caveat team responded yesterday requesting a photo of the passport next to the days newspaper along with a copy of the court order and they would put a stop on it being cancelled. They haven't confirmed if it has been cancelled, but we can only assume it has not given what information they have requested. So we are looking hopeful. 7 more sleeps to go... feeling brighter about our holiday now 🤞.

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 27/07/2022 20:34

im glad theyve noted it now-hope the holiday goes ok

ABriefInquiryInToOnlineRelationships · 27/07/2022 22:44

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Ohforgoodnesssakess · 01/08/2022 11:39

@ThisMustBeMyDream did your sd make it??

ThisMustBeMyDream · 01/08/2022 15:04

Yes, we did! All went well, currently sunning myself by the pool in sunny climes.
Caveat emailed before we left to say they were tracking the passport to ensure it was not cancelled which was really reassuring. 🏝🏖🌞

OP posts:
unname · 01/08/2022 15:28

That is good news!!

Gottoomuchgoingon · 05/08/2022 23:16

Fantastic. Have a lovely holiday

ABriefInquiryInToOnlineRelationships · 06/08/2022 00:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

AbbieWhelan · 06/08/2022 01:08

My husband went through court with his ex, not over this specific arrangement but they have a child arrangements order.

just suggest to her that she picks SD up for when she needs her due to the time you guys will be landing back! Don’t put anything else forward, she has chose to book it for the same day or day after if I’m correct? She is not acting in her daughters best interests here, it looks like she’s competing and doing tit for tat to the extreme!

as for the people on here saying “tiredness is a shitty excuse” have you not seen the signs on the motorway before advising people to avoid driving when tired?
How in earth is it in the best interests of a 5yr old to drive when having jet lag and being completely exhausted especially when arriving home early hours, how is this in the best interests of the child?

you lot may think I’m over exaggerating, but the road signs are there for a reason and it is extremely dangerous to drive when feeling tired, simple as, you could potentially cause a crash! Why? Because the mum can’t get off her arse to pick her daughter up herself? Shocking.

I don’t think you’ll have any worries in court personally, they’ll see her as being unreasonable expecting your DP to drive out of the way on extreme tiredness just to drop her off whether it be early hours or 10.30am. It’s not unreasonable for you to suggest due to the long flight and delays etc that she is more then welcome to pick her daughter up at 10.30 if need be or if she doesn’t mind if she hasn’t booked the holiday (if this is the case the Courts don’t take well to people who lie btw) then yes suggest dropping her off at around 6pm.

also just a heads up! The police don’t get involved with these scenarios either, my husbands ex called them round enough times out of spite, they will simply compete a welfare check to just check the child is safe etc, they will see she’s sleeping! And fine and they will just report back to mum to say she’s fine! And probably advise her to seek legal advice, that’s it..

she will also have to provide proof of her holiday to the courts to be granted any sort of order, I know this from experience with other bits such as the child arrangements order, if she is making demands for the child to be returned due to another holiday the courts will need to see dates/times etc so they can make a decision (if no compromise has been met) of what would be the best arrangement for the child.

if she doesn’t agree or start being reasonable, the judge will in the end make the decision not her, the power will be out of everyone’s hands!

good luck xx

AbbieWhelan · 06/08/2022 01:12

Just seen you’d been 😂😂 late to the party! Glad a solution was met in the end x

whynotwhatknot · 13/08/2022 19:58

so pleased you got away stress free in the end and had a lovely holiday

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