AIBU to want my 12 year old DD to relax and enjoy her holiday?

[workthewobble]

We're on our first foreign holiday since 2019. We (me, DH, DD 13 and DS 10) don't usually go for package holidays to busy resorts, more a sightseeing location to European cities with perhaps a day or two of pool/beach but I wanted simplicity, sun and minimal effort after a busy couple of years. So here we are in Menorca. Big mistake. I realise we are lucky to be here but it's been bloody hard work so far. My daughter just cannot cope with the heat, which is not helped by the fact that she is refusing to put on a swimsuit and cool down in the pool! I mean, as per my username I'm fat and wobbly but I don't care enough to let it keep me from the pool. My son is loving it, DH is just about tolerating it. We're not sporty so snorkelling or other water sports are not for us. We hired bikes and they all moaned about it. Jeez, they're hard work! DD would spend the day in the air conditioned room on the phone to her friends if allowed. We've got two more days left. How do I survive this and more importantly, can I get my daughter to enjoy it?

Ah that’s hard OP. DD is nearly 9 and quite fussy about physical discomfort, so I sympathise. Maybe next time you could try booking a hotel with swim-up rooms? We are huge fans of swim-up rooms because kids who are prone to complaining can be ‘in the room’ but are still also in the poolside family sphere. DH and I take the opportunity to trade off napping whilst the other swims with the ones who want to be in the pool. 😅

The one and only sunny Greece package holiday I did is family legend: I apparently came back whiter than when I arrived!

Just leave her, meal times should be mandatory the rest is down to her.

OP, as a mum you sound awesome. You've taken everyone's feelings into account, you're not forcing anyone to do anything they don't want to do and you're in tune with her feelings and sympathetic. Let her chill in the room and you may find she gets bored and drifts down to you by the pool anyway...

As if that would make OP’s daughter enjoy herself!
I used to not like family holidays much as a 12 yr old.
I was always hungry, thats what I remember most, and no escape from rest of family-
As an approaching teen, @workthewobble
Your DD may feel really self conscious.
I’d let her carry on as she is-
I melt in the heat, too , so empathise with your Daughter-
But I did love swimming - we used to camp so swimming was in lakes usually- one lake had horrible horse flies that bit painfully the second your shoulders came above the water.

Just enjoy your holiday, they are all old enough to sort themselves out.

kateandme personal choice I think is the issue. The holiday you mention with getting up early/sleds/teepees. I would have hated as a child. As an adult no way would I even consider it. Holidays need to work for everyone.

Thanks all. She's a funny kid, has always had her firm friends in school and is popular and confident among them but rather shy and hell would freeze over before I'd get her to make friends on holidays which is a shame I suppose but I wouldn't ever force that issue. She's also not keen on her "annoying" little brother (he's not remotely annoying unless you're 12 lol). As I say, package holidays were not our usual thing so kids clubs were not a feature of their childhood, and too late for that now. Both kids love people watching in the evenings when the entertainment is on, watching the little ones at the mini disco, live music etc. It's a nice resort, if you like this sort of thing. I'm trying to bite my tongue, be understanding of how awkward and self conscious she is, and just get on with things. And the next holiday will be a cosy cottage in a lovely but wet and cold village where she can happily wrap herself in hoodies and puffa jackets and then toast herself by an open fire. Her idea of bliss, as we now know!

Now that sounds fab, must look at swim up rooms if I can ever convince them to go on a sun holiday again! Or someone else mentioned a villa, also a better idea for us I think.

I didn’t like getting my hair wet either so I’d swim breaststroke with my head just bobbing on the water, it was fine😁

I've just remembered an amazing week in New York when one of our DDs was early teens and she spent a lot of time in the hotel ...... she mentioned it recently (now 21), and commented what a complete waste it was and how much she'd love it now.

Have you showed her local guides to see what is available and what she fancies - horse riding, local aquarium etc. she may want to do different things to you e.g. even if no-one else is sporty, does she fancy paddle boarding?

This would really, really piss me off! I know others say that it shouldn’t but it would me.

The only way she is going to be confident in her body is if you encourage her. These sort of places usually offer the chance to get a boat out to sea to snorkel. Would she prefer that? Not so many eyes on her?

Otherwise, is there a teen’s club so that she could meet others? Is there an arcades/games room on site where you could play air hockey.

Try and get her off her phone. That’s the point of a holiday isn’t it?

Bellapeppa, yes I know some people don't like getting their hair wet, but I assumed it was an old lady thing, but incidentally, why don't people like getting their hair wet?

May I just point out that snorkeling isn't madly sporty, you float about, kicking your feet/or flippers& gently follow fish & collect shells & watch the light & seaweed etc
Its perfect for "big" people
No obligation to dive, or hold your breath, although you quickly learn to go down for pebbles, sea glass, etc

Are you suggesting your daughter is overweight?

We are in Menorca at the moment too - hotel in punta prima. There is lots to do - would recommend a boat trip out to the island with the lighthouse and black lizards, and my kids loved the wee hovercraft things at Binibeca beach. There’s a night market every Tuesday in mahón with stalls idea for that age group - jewellery and dresses etc. snorkelling is excellent too, we snorkelled off binibeca and there were so many fish.

Can she wear swimming/board shorts over a swimming costume? I've always thought it's weird how men can wear loose shorts but we have to wear skin tight, revealing costumes.

I agree with everything else everyone has suggested. You can't force it. I remember being horribly self conscious about wearing swimwear at that age, so I suspect that is what is going on.

You have my sympathies though I an away on a similar style holiday with my 13 year old son at his request. For large parts of the day he says he wants to go home! But he has moments of enjoyment. And I handle it by not forcing anything and just appreciating the time together. He has currently discovered the hotel spa and seems to be enjoying the sauna while I sit on my phone in peace! I am OK with that.

@workthewobble if you’re at the occidental I will give you the mn secret wink at dinner.

Tell her she can spend an hour in the sun after breakfast then do as she pleases but then spend from 4pm with you by pool and having food etc
Take her shopping and let her pick a cover up, sarong if she wants

Haha, yes.

"YOU WILL HAVE FUN THE WAY I TELL YOU!"

DD would spend the day in the air conditioned room on the phone to her friends if allowed. We've got two more days left. How do I survive this and more importantly, can I get my daughter to enjoy it?

you've answered your own question. Just let her do what she wants. It's notlike she wants to go partying with a bunch of blokes.

I suspect the problem is that you planned the holiday based on recollections of holidays when your DD was just a child, with expectations that she would spend her days jumping into the pool and larking about with her brother.

Tween girls change so much between ten and thirteen. Maybe this is your chance to catch up with the fact that she's not a little kid any more and to get to know her and appreciate her as a person developing into the young woman she's going to be.

You need to adjust your expectations of family holidays - there won't be the family togetherness you had before, or the interest in physical activities like bike rides. Sometimes it's nice to take a friend along on a holiday. Sometimes it's nice to take a little mum and daughter break.

Don't let her get too reliant on the phone and be aware that the social lives of 12 year olds are full of drama which many of them find all consuming. Find a way into her life - even if this involves using the phone to swop funny cat videos.

For the rest of the holiday, take time to chat, hug, and tell her youre glad she's feeling able to stick up for what she wants and do her own thing. Don't resent her for preferring the AC and rejecting the pool. The heat is hard for some people, and at twelve she's starting to see herself as less of a little girl and more part of a peer group than a family. All normal and natural.

Where on earth did you get that idea? She's a very slim 12 year old.

@workthewobble because you made a point of talking about your weight.....