AIBU to want my 12 year old DD to relax and enjoy her holiday?

[workthewobble]

We're on our first foreign holiday since 2019. We (me, DH, DD 13 and DS 10) don't usually go for package holidays to busy resorts, more a sightseeing location to European cities with perhaps a day or two of pool/beach but I wanted simplicity, sun and minimal effort after a busy couple of years. So here we are in Menorca. Big mistake. I realise we are lucky to be here but it's been bloody hard work so far. My daughter just cannot cope with the heat, which is not helped by the fact that she is refusing to put on a swimsuit and cool down in the pool! I mean, as per my username I'm fat and wobbly but I don't care enough to let it keep me from the pool. My son is loving it, DH is just about tolerating it. We're not sporty so snorkelling or other water sports are not for us. We hired bikes and they all moaned about it. Jeez, they're hard work! DD would spend the day in the air conditioned room on the phone to her friends if allowed. We've got two more days left. How do I survive this and more importantly, can I get my daughter to enjoy it?

I think compromise is key here, I’d insist on her being present at meal times and any outings, but beyond that I’d turn a blind eye to screens, pick your battles.

Leave her in her room with her phone and enjoy the sunshine by the pool?

You can't force someone to enjoy the sort of holiday you like ... I really think family holidays are over rated... 13 is a very tricky age for family holidays. I am over 60 but still remember refusing to go on family holidays at that age. Ironically I quite like now going away for a short holiday with my 90 year old DM .

I was just starting puberty at 12 and my body was changing in ways that felt really embarrassing to me. It’s great that you’re a confident, grown woman who can work her wobbles, but your DD could well find it awkward to put on a bathing suit in front of her family. I know that I felt shy about it for years.

I agree with the PPs - let her hang out in the air conditioning, do your own thing, and meet up for an occasional walk + meals.

It’s normal for teenagers to be like this, also maybe the heat is too much for her. I find very hot sunny weather hard to cope with. Maybe let her veg in the room while you lie down by the pool in the day but all go for a walk after dinner when it’s cooler and the sun’s not heating down on you? She might like watching the sunset or
sitting outside with a mocktail more than sunbathing or doing activities in the heat.

Is she enjoying chilling in the room?

If she is then she is enjoying herself. Just not in the way you expected / think she should.

One of the hardest bits of parenting I’ve found is letting the kids enjoy themselves in the way they want rather than pushing the way I think they’d enjoy more.

I hate the heat and I hate showing my body.

Did you consider her when booking the holiday or did you book what suited you?

She's probably newly and excruciatingly self-conscious about her adolescent body. Leave her be.

Could you buy her a sarong? Huge sun hat?
Sunglasses make you feel less conspicuous ime.

Let her stay in the room unless your leaving hotel.

This would drive me nuts also - but I do remember being that age and just wanting to hide away - perhaps a difference is that was pre-phone so I just hid away and read books which is a more relaxing thing to do than constantly chatting to mates who are miles away - I wouldn't be keen on kids doing that.

For the sake of all your sanity though I wouldn't push too hard. Is there a comprimise? I mean - surely you wouldn't really ever let her spend the whole day indoors on a phone?

In a room yes, not on the phone though.

Leave her be. My DD was horribly awkward at that age. We went to Spain when she was 13 and she just wanted to wear black and sit in the shade. She was a womanly 5ft 9 and so pale she was nearly transparent. Where we were staying there were 100s of tiny tanned Spanish teenagers and my DD just felt too self concious to join in. Don't make a fuss, if you leave her be you may find she comes round. She'll grow out of it.

Snorkeling is hardly sporty, how can you not enjoy floating around in lovely water?

At 12 girls are very self conscious. I would leave her be too relax in the morning maybe painting, making shell necklaces etc - and book a sailing trip in the afternoon, a walk around Mahon or Cuitadella, horse riding is lovely - in the late afternoons. You can have your European City break in Menorca. If you are tired take it in turns each day. Cala Galdana have some great water sports if you want to relax and do activities. The electric boats are awesome - book in advance

I'd see two issues here;

Her body image and how to help her with this.

Her wanting to stay in the room - leave her there.

For starters, take away her phone, access to screens and the TV remote.

If she's enjoying herself, I'd leave her to it. 12 is a difficult time, they automatically want to be alone.

It’s normal to be self conscious about your body at 12… but not to the extent that you won’t swim in a pool on holiday, surely?

Could you try going at quieter times or suggest she uses a cover up until she’s right by the pool? It seems such a shame for her to miss out entirely (unless she genuinely doesn’t like swimming?).

If she hates the heat and doesn't like the pool then taking away screens seems harsh. That sounds like she's being punished for enjoying a holiday that she didn't have any choice on going on.

I think if she's happy on her phone in her room leave her be, but let her know if there's anything going on in the hotel she may enjoy and make it really clear if she wants to come out you'll accommodate it.

Can she not set herself near the pool on a lounger in the shade and sit on her phone/ read?

13 year olds ime are awkward they can't cope with much tbh mine certainly wouldn't have put on a bikini or swimsuit to sit around in. Just try and enjoy your last few days let her sit in the roomif she wants get her to come out for meals and if you are going anywhere,apart from that I'd ignore the grumps because nothing you do will please her!

For starters, take away her phone, access to screens and the TV remote

Then - have a big row!

Every one loves a big row on holiday!

What use is that ? Let's take away the thing she enjoys and insist she has a good time !