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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend didn't give me a discount ....aibu?

386 replies

sofaslofas · 07/07/2022 13:14

My best friend of over 30 years ...her partner works at a well known chain restaurant that isn't the cheapest.
They get 33% staff discount for that restaurant (any in country) and 40% off other restaurants owned by same company.
To use the discount her partner logs into his staff portal and downloads a voucher which is sent to email and you have 24hours to use it.
You can use a discount voucher every day.
Every time it's my birthday she gets him to get one and he forwards it to her and she gets the 40% off my birthday meal.

Tonight I'm taking my partner to this particular restaurant and when she asked what my plans were I told her -and she didn't offer to get me a discount voucher and just said "have fun"
Now it would cost them nothing to get me a discount voucher

I used to work in a department store and every time she came in I made sure to serve her and she got 30% off
This was off beauty /clothes /homeware even a sofa.
So I've saved her a fortune over the years.

Aibu to think it's a bit tight not getting me a voucher?
These vouchers have no names or anything
Literally just a QR code

OP posts:
keeptheaspidistra · 09/07/2022 06:22

Meraas · 08/07/2022 22:48

How tedious. Anyone with an alternative view must be the OP. 🙄

Also hilarious how deluded people are thinking OP will return to this pile on.

Show quote history

It is deluded but I wish they would. All the comments I've read suggest they're an arrogant entitled cf, a bit of a user when it comes to a friend, a cheap skate, and oblivious to what a qr code is.
What's wrong with calling a spade a spade?

Joysutty · 09/07/2022 07:40
  1. As menioned by others - I would come STRAIGHT out and ASK her ?
  2. If you dont want the conversation then email or text your question to her ?
  3. Who knows now due to restaurants/pubs taking a bash during the panademic and so many have closed down there may be RESTRICTIONS such as only staff member getting any discount ? You could always have a "gentle" conversation on how things are in this - the hospitality kind of industry.
  4. GOOD LUCK AND HOPE YOU MANAGE TO GET AS YOU USED TO DO..
Pmen · 09/07/2022 08:27

Some of the comments here are just downright nasty including the one about you being a horrible friend. Why exactly? I think you sound like a lovely thoughtful friend who looked after your friend and hoped her to do the same for you. If she had already used the voucher that day she would most likely have said and that she couldn't provide one for you. Likewise if they were clamping down on vouchers. She knows exactly what shes doing.

Banoffe · 09/07/2022 08:30

You should have just asked her outright if you wanted the discount.
There could be a reason why she now doesn’t want to give you it and she didn’t say, rather than mentioning and hoping she’d just give you it.

Bertieboo82 · 09/07/2022 08:32

Lovely thoughtful friend who starts a thread on mumsnet to garner the thoughts of mumsnetters Re whether her close friend is “tight” and then relentlessly responds to any poster saying “no” that her friend clearly is.

you have a low benchmark for what is a “lovely thoughtful friend” @Pmen

keeptheaspidistra · 09/07/2022 08:59

Pmen · 09/07/2022 08:27

Some of the comments here are just downright nasty including the one about you being a horrible friend. Why exactly? I think you sound like a lovely thoughtful friend who looked after your friend and hoped her to do the same for you. If she had already used the voucher that day she would most likely have said and that she couldn't provide one for you. Likewise if they were clamping down on vouchers. She knows exactly what shes doing.

Surely a genuine kind gesture is one you do not expecting anything in return? A gesture that you don't hold on to as emotional blackmail "what about that time i did this for you with the sofa...?

Bubblebubblebah · 09/07/2022 09:05

Pmen · 09/07/2022 08:27

Some of the comments here are just downright nasty including the one about you being a horrible friend. Why exactly? I think you sound like a lovely thoughtful friend who looked after your friend and hoped her to do the same for you. If she had already used the voucher that day she would most likely have said and that she couldn't provide one for you. Likewise if they were clamping down on vouchers. She knows exactly what shes doing.

Yes, she does. She isn't offering a discount which isn't hers to offer........

LouisCatorze · 09/07/2022 09:06

But the friend's DH had previously provided the discount vouchers so the quid pro quo was there for a period of time. I don't think you can expect the exact same value of discount favours to cut both ways? That's not how life works?

And you have both been lucky to gain from discounts you weren't necessarily really entitled to. Just count your blessings for what you have saved.

Bubblebubblebah · 09/07/2022 09:09

I have to ask people who are on a side of OP. Are you readily offering your other half's discounts and/ortheir time to do some work when it's not actually allowed by that work?

There is a difference between work and personal life and perks

ohgawdnowivedoneit · 09/07/2022 09:11

It it's not even your friend who works there. It's her partner.

Why should her partner keeping giving you discount vouchers?

You see a CF and seriously entitled!

Sartre · 09/07/2022 09:12

Well you didn’t directly ask for a discount, just dropped the restaurant name into convo and expected her to offer one. In future be direct and ask.

Butterfly44 · 09/07/2022 09:14

Maybe she's given it to someone else so there's none to give you if it's only one voucher at a time.

Why not just ask "btw is it possible to get a discount voucher or not"

While it might be on your mind when you told her, it might not be on hers and maybe she's going through something right now

MrsToadflax · 09/07/2022 09:21

Pmen · 09/07/2022 08:27

Some of the comments here are just downright nasty including the one about you being a horrible friend. Why exactly? I think you sound like a lovely thoughtful friend who looked after your friend and hoped her to do the same for you. If she had already used the voucher that day she would most likely have said and that she couldn't provide one for you. Likewise if they were clamping down on vouchers. She knows exactly what shes doing.

Lovely thoughtful friend Confused If she happened to be in the shop she ensured her friend got a discount. Great, but the whole time she was doing that, a 'lovely thoughtful friend' wouldn't be thinking, 'I won't forget how much I've saved her and as soon as she can repay the favour I'll be expecting it.' True friends give without expectation of anything in return. This discount is not her friends to give out, so it's not the same situation. I would never expect a friend to give me a discount every single time I went to a certain place (even if I'd done so for them).

alwaysmovingforwards · 09/07/2022 09:27

Bubblebubblebah · 07/07/2022 13:23

Ours were restricted to us and family. Giving it up willy nilly would be a reason for dismissal.

It's entirely different when she is going or when she is not going with you. You are never getting the discount essentially. She is.

Yup, same here.

Our policy is that the bearer of the discount voucher must, on request, show their work ID badge.

It's rarely asked for, but would create a situation if the staff member wasn't present.

And the QR code? It's unique and traceable back to whoever downloaded it.

LondonMrsA · 09/07/2022 10:05

YABU
Let it go.

busymomtoone · 09/07/2022 10:18

“ just” a QR code can contain all sorts of info on it - that’s the whole point of them! If you’ve only benefited from a discount code when dining with partner of someone who works there it seems crazy to assume she can dole them out like confetti. It’s already quite a generous policy to allow partners to use them , as others have said, almost certainly the company has tightened up and/ or checks - otherwise they could be losing 33% off meals 365 days running!! If I was your friend I’d also be pretty upset that you made an assumption rather than simply asking : “ if we book ... for my birthday would you be able to get me a voucher?” Re your own “ giving friend staff discount “ - different company, different rules, completely irrelevant!

MrsPetty · 09/07/2022 10:40

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable as all. If it was my friend I’d have at least expected them to mention it … explain why she couldn’t get you a voucher ….

maryleboneym · 09/07/2022 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bubblebubblebah · 09/07/2022 11:37

MrsPetty · 09/07/2022 10:40

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable as all. If it was my friend I’d have at least expected them to mention it … explain why she couldn’t get you a voucher ….

I don't think "because it's not actually my work so not my voucher" should need an explanation tbh

Solonge · 09/07/2022 11:42

Ask her if you can have one....if she says no she will likely tell you why. I don't think expecting a voucher is reasonable....and I expect when you gave her a discount it wasn't inline with your company rules.

SnozPoz · 09/07/2022 11:54

You sound a bit entitled. Being given something as a gift is not the same as expecting it all the time. Honestly, not even sure this isn't a fake post

LovelyIssues · 09/07/2022 12:37

She probably just didn't even think! I wouldn't expect it everytime though it's very kind of her.

jacks11 · 09/07/2022 13:02

Surely the easiest thing to do is ask her if you could have a discount voucher? If she says no, she will probably explain why not- e.g. they’ve tightened up rules or DH isn’t happy to do it. Or she might say “sorry, didn’t think, I’ll ask DH”.

but I would always this situation is different to you choosing to share your staff discount with your friend. If that was against company policy, that was a risk you chose to take for the benefit of a friend. If it was within policy, it was a nice thing that you chose to do for a friend. This situation is you asking to use your friends partners discount. It really isn’t the same- it’s not her decision, for a start. If he isn’t allowed to share it with non-family members, for instance, then you are asking him to take risks for his wife’s friend. He might not want to do that (quite understandably), whereas your friend might chose differently to help her friend.

Whammyyammy · 09/07/2022 13:31

YABU and very entitled. Wow

Solonge · 09/07/2022 13:37

Maybe she has used her voucher for when you want it…