Nosy neighbour

[Mooshamoo]

I'm in my 30s. I bought my first house in a small town in Ireland six months ago. My neighbours next door are two men. A man in his forties and a man in his late sixties. Maybe father and son. These are my only neighbours.

We have never spoke to each other. I don't really like them as they blast loud music a lot.

Last week, I went on holiday to Spain.

Last night, I got two missed calls from the estate agent, (a man in his 60s), who sold me the house. He called me twice on WhatsApp at 10pm. Then he sent me a message saying "call me". I have never spoken to this estate agent since he sold me the house, so I was worried that something was wrong.

I called him back this morning.

He said "your neighbours are very very worried about you. They havent seen you in a few days, and the newspapers are building up outside your door.".

My neighbours don't have my telephone number. It turns out that the estate agent is friends with them. They knew he would have my number. So they rang him and got him to ring me.

Aibu to think that this is totally OTT And uncomfortable? I have only been away for five days. It's the summer, everybody is going away on holidays.

I know from looking at these neighbours that they are not people that would be concerned about me. They are the type of people who are nosy, and would just want to know what I am is doing. It just feels so OTT to me. Surely I should be able to go away on holidays and not get phone calls from them. And surely the estate agent shouldn't be ringing me latw at night.

I just felt really stressed about it yesterday. I wanted privacy in a house. And to be able to come and go when I want

[vodkaredbullgirl]

Cancel everything before you go away.

[Mooshamoo]

@vodkaredbullgirl I have not signed up to receive any newspapers. Some local company just puts newspapers through my door. It can't have been that many in 5 days!

[ApolloandDaphne]

They may be a bit nosy but at least they have your welfare at heart. Surely they wouldn't have gone to all that bother just to find out where you were?

[Mummyratbag]

Can't really imagine they are doing it from anything but a good place even if it feels intrusive.

[BlanketsBanned]

Were the papers outside or inside your front door or hanging out the letterbox, put s no junk mail sticker on the door, thank the e.a, ask them not to contact you again.

[Mooshamoo]

@Mummyratbag right just imagine that you are an elderly man and you have young woman living next door to you.

She goes away for a few days. You get the local estate agent to ring her while she is on holiday, to find out where she is.

Does it sound right then?

To me, it is nosy, intrusive and controlling.

I know they are just doing it out of nosiness.

It definitely made me feel uncomfortable

[Tothemoonandbackx]

You've never spoken to them, so basically know nothing about them......your own admission. You can see by 'the way they look' ????? That makes literally no sense. So maybe they were doing it because they were concerned, you don't know that, that being said,5 days does seem odd to think someone is in trouble, 5 weeks maybe, but not five days. Weird the estate agent would phone and not just alert the police. Maybe have a word with them and say that you don't need anyone checking up on you in future.

[RedHelenB]

Yabu I think, as a neutral I'd say they were concerned.

[ny20005]

The joys of small town Ireland I'm afraid. Everybody knows everyone else's business

I'd have a word with the estate agent though

[PeppaPigIsAnnoying]

Jesus, they were only concerned about your welfare

[IsadoraQuagmire]

They might well be nosy, but in this case I expect they were genuinely concerned. I can understand your feeling spied on though.

[FOJN]

You've lived there for six months and have never spoken to them? It's not necessary to be friends with neighbours but surely most people exchange pleasantries in passing. You don't know them but don't seem to like them anyway, you could have asked them to keep the music noise down ages ago but you have chosen to resent them for it instead.

I don't think your neighbours have any interest in where you are. I think they have noticed a change in your pattern of coming and going and were concerned about your well being because they know you live alone. You might see that as nosy but others would think it was community minded.

I think you could speak to them when you get back and thank them for their concern but you would prefer not to take phone calls about concerned neighbours whilst you're on holiday.

[TheNoodlesIncident]

right just imagine that you are an elderly man and you have young woman living next door to you.
She goes away for a few days. You get the local estate agent to ring her while she is on holiday, to find out where she is.

But you knew that you'd gone on holiday, they didn't! I don't think your ages are actually relevant either, anyone could fall ill or slip in the shower or similar. It might be rarer with a younger person but it's not unknown. I have heard of people slipping in the bathroom, hitting their head on the tiles/sink and being horribly injured/dying.

I think you feel these people are nosy, which they might well be. But that doesn't mean they don't have a shred of human decency and don't care about your welfare, does it? You're just automatically assuming the worst about people, which is on you rather than them.

[Georgeskitchen]

Thank the lord you hadn't fallen and were unable to call for help

[Flux1]

Considering the very recent tragic case in rural Ireland where an elderly couple were found dead in their home after a long time and neighbours were blamed for not raising their concerns, I think it is very decent of your neighbours to check up on your welfare. Maybe if you get to know them a little you could benefit from a nice neighbourly relationship.

[waveyourpompoms]

YABU. You don’t know they are doing it out of nosiness. You don’t know anything because you don’t speak to them.

[Roasteros]

There was a tragic case a couple of weeks ago, in Tipperary, I think, where a couple were found in their house who had been deceased for months. I saw an interview with a neighbour, who said that the community was berating itself for not noticing.

[Roasteros]

@Flux1

Considering the very recent tragic case in rural Ireland where an elderly couple were found dead in their home after a long time and neighbours were blamed for not raising their concerns, I think it is very decent of your neighbours to check up on your welfare. Maybe if you get to know them a little you could benefit from a nice neighbourly relationship.

Got there before me.

[Loveisnotloving]

Small town Ireland, Their hearts are in the right place. You are being hugely mean spirited.

Luckily you were not down the end of the stairs in a pool of blood, they didn't know that. They went to a lot of trouble to make sure you were ok.

Hope you never take a tumble and they leave you to your privacy.

[SMabbutt]

They were just trying to look out for you. You cantell what people ate like by just looking at them. One of the quietest most gentle men I've known was a huge hairy biker with tattoos. Looked a bit unkempt and scary in his leathers but a generous sweet guy if you took the trouble to talk to him rather than judging on appearance.

While they might be pains with loud music if they were really nosey they would probably be looking over your fence or trying to engage you in conversation. You said you've never even spoken to them.

After 5 days and seeing papers build up they were concerned. Better this than lying hurt or dead and no-one noticing like this poor woman. www.thesun.co.uk/news/15763752/woman-discovered-body-scotland/

It doesn't take much to search the Internet and find tragedies this. In future just put up a sign saying no junk mail or free papers and maybe let them know you're going away. You could even keep an eye on their property or them. You don't have to be best buddies be good neighbours.

[SMabbutt]

Can't tell.

[LetMeInYourWindow]

I know they are just doing it out of nosiness

No you don’t.
They are of an age where there were adverts plying on TV to check in on a neighbour if milk/post/papers were building up for a couple of days.

[Doggydarling]

You are being very unfair to them, they didn't contact the estate agent to see where you were holidaying, they were concerned for your wellbeing, and it is not possible to tell how good a neighbour will be by looking at them, and considering you and them haven't spoken despite living there six months you certainly cannot call them nosy. I'm starting to pity them having someone so suspicious as a neighbour.

[DDivaStar]

Yes of course it was ott any normal person on not seeing their neighbour for a few days would assume they've gone away. Also the estate agent only needed to do a quick text, Hi can you let me know you're OK as your neighbours are worried.

However nosy, intrusive and controlling also seems a bit ott, it does sound like they were genuinely worried. Maybe they just have too much time on their hands and let their imagination run away with themselves.

[edel2]

@Mooshamoo

@Mummyratbag right just imagine that you are an elderly man and you have young woman living next door to you.

She goes away for a few days. You get the local estate agent to ring her while she is on holiday, to find out where she is.

Does it sound right then?

To me, it is nosy, intrusive and controlling.

I know they are just doing it out of nosiness.

It definitely made me feel uncomfortable

They were being sound.