Nosy neighbour

[Mooshamoo]

I'm in my 30s. I bought my first house in a small town in Ireland six months ago. My neighbours next door are two men. A man in his forties and a man in his late sixties. Maybe father and son. These are my only neighbours.

We have never spoke to each other. I don't really like them as they blast loud music a lot.

Last week, I went on holiday to Spain.

Last night, I got two missed calls from the estate agent, (a man in his 60s), who sold me the house. He called me twice on WhatsApp at 10pm. Then he sent me a message saying "call me". I have never spoken to this estate agent since he sold me the house, so I was worried that something was wrong.

I called him back this morning.

He said "your neighbours are very very worried about you. They havent seen you in a few days, and the newspapers are building up outside your door.".

My neighbours don't have my telephone number. It turns out that the estate agent is friends with them. They knew he would have my number. So they rang him and got him to ring me.

Aibu to think that this is totally OTT And uncomfortable? I have only been away for five days. It's the summer, everybody is going away on holidays.

I know from looking at these neighbours that they are not people that would be concerned about me. They are the type of people who are nosy, and would just want to know what I am is doing. It just feels so OTT to me. Surely I should be able to go away on holidays and not get phone calls from them. And surely the estate agent shouldn't be ringing me latw at night.

I just felt really stressed about it yesterday. I wanted privacy in a house. And to be able to come and go when I want

Yeah, a couple of people mentioned it 😉

I think there’s a big difference between not noticing both halves of an elderly couple have been missing for 18 months and going into a panic because a healthy young woman you barely see anyway hasn’t been around for a few days.

If you are not friendly with them and not even on speaking terms they should not be concerning themselves with your business because they happen not to have seen you for five days. A reasonable assumption for anyone to make would be that you have gone on a trip, for work, holidays, visits to family or friends or whatever.

They are busybodies and the sense of intrusion you feel is increased by the sense of their unneighbourliness in regularly playing amplified music without a thought for you as their neighbour. If you and they had been speaking and friendly good neighbours towards each other, you might find it more understandable and more acceptable. A woman living alone may be a reason that some people exercise an unwanted sense of interest in your movements which makes it difficult to maintain the privacy that you want.
Think about how you want to deal with them about this incident and about how to keep them at arms' length in relation to your movements. Also mention to them about the noise, considering that they are concerning themselves about your wellbeing.

Think they were just worried and may not have much going on in their lives but think their hearts in the right place. Maybe move to a town if you want more privacy but really think they mean well even if you do not like them. They may be sound if you give them a chance and nice to have a neighbour if you have an emergency or something that is there for you.

No no no! Something similar happened to my DP, his mum works night shifts and she had a dog. The dog would be home at night and another neighbour would pop in and let it out, it was an apartment complex thing.

A neighbour a few doors down reported that my MIL hadn't been seen for days and her car hadn't moved. It had, but she works night shifts so it's gone through the night but back early.

The police knocked her door down and ransacked the place to find her and the dog. Absolutely unnecessary seeing as the neighbours had never even spoken to her! I felt it was just a busybody thing to do, they didn't know her at all and it caused a huge ordeal.

Moral of the story was, busybody neighbour caused a huge bill for a new door as police wouldn't pay out. All unnecessary.

If I had gone away for a few days and my neighbour did this I would be a bit creeped out too. It would be different if they had known you for years and it was out of character, but it does seem intrusive to me but that's my opinion

Agree with this

Very true that happened to a family member of ours! 🤯

After saying that I would not notice if did not see a neighbour as keep to ourselves but do say hello but do not notice their comings and goings.

I know someone who called the police as their elderly next door neighbours blinds he been closed for a few days and they didn’t answer the door, he was dead.
I know another where the neighbours knew each other well, the woman in question was a creature of habit and when her curtains hadn’t been opened by midday and she didn’t answer the door the neighbour used the spare key to get in, she had carbon monoxide poisoning and wouldn’t have survived much longer.
I would assume it was well meaning and be glad my door hadn’t been kicked in by the police!

I do know my neighbours as moved to a new place a few mths ago and they brought us chocolates for Christmas and neighbour other side I gave their kids money for ice cream as they are lovely but do not be in each other's houses but do say hello and have a chit chat if I see them maybe once a week or every 2 weeks and that is nice and enough for me as last place I lived she was so nosy. But weird not saying hi to neighbours.

haha at Hillbillyannie that made me laugh.

If you do not want neighbours yes go live where no one else is but I chat to people at bus stop and lots of people do that here, it is just being friendly and not nosy as just general chit chat and it is nice.

The police knocked her door down and ransacked the place to find her and the dog.

@hellobeautifulsoul so the police didn't knock or give her a chance to open the door, but instead burst into her house and completely turned the place upside down before seeing her and her dog were there..... Suuuuuure 🤨🤥

You're living in a small Irish town, this is quite normal for small communities, they meant well & it's not nosey, but community spirit to be concerned if you haven't seen a neighbour in a while & everyone does tend to know each other & know their business. I get that it can seem a bit claustrophobic, which is why I moved away from this sort of small community

Of course they knocked, she wasn't there of course because she was at work. She has to then leave work and come home because she has no front door. And for what?

I think they could've just been worried.

I don't like my neighbour at all. He's a horrid, nosey, nasty old git.

Pretends to everyone he's Mr nice guy and acts like a complete weirdo to us and his other NDN's 🤣.

@hellobeautifulsoul I would 100% have held the police accountable for knocking down my door with insufficient reason

We tried honestly, and what was worse is they had looked through personal things like paperwork etc which was completely unacceptable and invasive. We tried to complain but it didn't go far and they wouldn't pay for a new door as they had "reason to believe" that she was inside and could be in need of help.

It was chaos. Of course she couldn't get anyone out until the next day so she had to stay there with the door sort of on but not fixed. Not safe at all but also couldn't leave it as it could have been robbed. It just seemed so crazy at the time!

I know if they went away for a couple of days, and I got an estate agent to ring them and ask them where they are, that they would think that I was being annoying and intrusive.

They didn't know you'd gone away for a holiday, they thought you might be ill inside or dead. It's still intrusive-feeling, but under the umbrella of "neighbourly" behaviour. If you'd answered the calls of the agent, you'd not have had so many.

I can't understand the neighbour hate on here. Yes, some neighbours are pricks, but generally everyone just wants to get on with their lives. You just happen to live next to each other. I know my immediate neighbours. I make a point to introduce myself and my dogs and ask them to let me know if the dogs are a bother when I'm out. Shock horror of horrors, I have their phone numbers and we do favours for each other - GASP!

I called one neighbour randomly one day as her (indoor) dogs sounded like they'd had a bit of a scuffle and there was a noise that made both me and my dogs go WTF. Luckily I did as she came home to blood everywhere and a dog with a huge wound down it's side. Called another neighbour as I could hear beeping from his house (so obviously it was loud) and was worried it was his smoke alarm. I couldn't in good conscience just ignore it and go to work. Turned out to be his fridge - but better the fridge than a burnt down house.

They could just be worried given this was in the news a couple of weeks ago
www.newstalk.com/news/english-couple-in-tipperary-likely-dead-for-18-months-1356555
Yes I know 5 days and 18 months is very different but if something had happened to you I'm sure you'd like to have been found after 5 days!

Buckejit you asked am I a blow in . I'm Irish.
It's weird to say you have to talk toyour neighbours because you are Irish. I know loads of Irish people who don't talk to their neighbours.

When I say I don't talk to them, I mean I wouldnt have a full on chat with them. If I passed them on the street I would say hi.

To me it just smacks of patriarchal Ireland. I can't go anywhere without 3 older men In the town ringing me to see where I am. After a few days! Its controlling.

I said he played karaoke in his garden as I was trying to write it quickly yesterday.

To explain it properly, one of the men is a busker. I have seen him sing on the street in town.

He sits outside in his garden twice a week and practices for this. He uses a microphone and huge speaker. He runs through his whole set list and he goes on for hours. He sings the same songs every time.
. The noise is awful. It booms through my house. I would never do that to a neighbour. He is not a considerate person.

The minute I moved into that house properly, I thought - I've made a mistake moving here. Because of his busking In the garden.The noise is so loud.

I don't like them getting people to ring me either. I'm not happy in that house. Because of them. I will be looking at putting my house up for sale. Mainly because of the unbearable music. And their other behaviour. I don't have to stay anywhere im unhappy

That of course is your prerogative, but people were responding on your initial post.

Have you asked him to turn down the volume? Have you told him the loud music is disturbing you?