Nosy neighbour

[Mooshamoo]

I'm in my 30s. I bought my first house in a small town in Ireland six months ago. My neighbours next door are two men. A man in his forties and a man in his late sixties. Maybe father and son. These are my only neighbours.

We have never spoke to each other. I don't really like them as they blast loud music a lot.

Last week, I went on holiday to Spain.

Last night, I got two missed calls from the estate agent, (a man in his 60s), who sold me the house. He called me twice on WhatsApp at 10pm. Then he sent me a message saying "call me". I have never spoken to this estate agent since he sold me the house, so I was worried that something was wrong.

I called him back this morning.

He said "your neighbours are very very worried about you. They havent seen you in a few days, and the newspapers are building up outside your door.".

My neighbours don't have my telephone number. It turns out that the estate agent is friends with them. They knew he would have my number. So they rang him and got him to ring me.

Aibu to think that this is totally OTT And uncomfortable? I have only been away for five days. It's the summer, everybody is going away on holidays.

I know from looking at these neighbours that they are not people that would be concerned about me. They are the type of people who are nosy, and would just want to know what I am is doing. It just feels so OTT to me. Surely I should be able to go away on holidays and not get phone calls from them. And surely the estate agent shouldn't be ringing me latw at night.

I just felt really stressed about it yesterday. I wanted privacy in a house. And to be able to come and go when I want

Why should you speak to your neighbours? I have lived in so many towns in Ireland, as I move around for work. No neighbour has ever spoken to me. People usually keep to themselves.

I'm thinking of one town That I lived in, I was in a terraced house. The people either side of me never spoke to me. I lived there for one year.

Another town I lived in, I lived in a flat beside another flat. We never once spoke to each other.

I just visited my friend in ireland.he has lived in the same terraced house for five years. He told me he has never spoken to his neighbours in that time.
People get on with their own lives. Do you all really speak to your neighbours?

Yes of course I speak to neighbours. I am very friendly with some and have tea or go out with them to various places. If you are not friendly then no one will be friendly with you.

I love how much information you have given us about them, considering you have never spoken to them. Makes me wonder which of you is really the nosy neighbour 😅

Yes most people speak to their neighbours! Even if it’s just a smile and “hello” as they pass. I think your neighbours intentions were fine and you are being a bit odd.

You must be giving off some seriously unfriendly vibes if none of your previous or current neighbours have ever spoken to you!

No it is very normal not to speak to your neighbours. Neighbours are strangers that just happen to live near you. Everyone I know, most of them don't speak to their neighbours. My best friend livs in Mullingar, Ireland. He has lived in the same house for five years . He has never once spoken to his neighbours. My mother lives in a very rural area in Ireland , she never speaks to her closest neighbour. I went to visit another friend . She never speaks to her neighbours. Loads of people don't!

When you look at Mumsnet here alone,

There are Literally hundreds of threads with people saying "my neighbours are driving me crazy". "I hate my neighbours". There are so many posts.

I think the idea that everyone is friends with their neighbours, is very unrealistic.

You don't have to be friends but it is nice to be on nodding terms and to know that they might help in an emergency.

I think your response is very unusual. A single text would not count as interrupting my holiday. I would reply and forget about it until I got home, when I would thank them for looking out for me.

My uncle lived in mullingar back them (a long time ago£ everyone knew everyone!

When we used to visit as children with my mum and dad, we'd be asked who we knew and everyone knew my uncle.

YABU

It was from a place d of worry!

If this is the kind of thing that bothers you, a small town in Ireland is maybe not the place for you.

Dont know if youre a local so forgive me if im teaching granny how to suck eggs. Im from Ireland. I know how the locals work. It's a small world here, and everyone knows somebody who knows somebody, hence the call to the estate agent. People do tend to know when you break wind but you might find that when you do engage with them that it was meant with good heart. The network can be just letting your neighbour know you're off for a few days so they will report if there's something fishy going on in your absence.

When I moved to my new house I introduced myself to my neighbour, older person and I kind of keep an eye out in case she doesn't appear. She goes out each day to the shops in her car but a year before I moved in she broke her arm and was reliant on carers and still has some restriction so we say howdy have a wee chat and she knows she can ring me if she is in diffs. My other neighbour ...not so much !

My 93 year old mums neighbours watch to make sure her blinds open and close. I live locally but I'm grateful that they do.

I'm intrigued @Mooshamoo. If one of your neighbours, past or present, greet you on the street, what is your response?

*greets

In some rural areas the estate agent doubles as an undertaker so maybe they were just being practical

I've lived next to my neighbours for years (we are semi detached to one another). I've unconsciously become aware of their movements so I typically notice a change in their usual routines and habits. I remember thinking that I hadn't seen the wife like I normally would and it transpired she'd been in hospital kind of thing.
We typically let each other know when we're going on holiday for the bins and keeping an eye out. However, if they didn't let us know and their car was still there and I didn't see them for a few days in and out the garden, no noise etc... I'd defo be worried something was wrong.
We obviously have a different relationship than you do with these men. However, there is a chance they were genuinely concerned. You might not be bothering with them but they might have become used to seeing you coming and going (Not in a creepy way).

I get that the estate agent thing is a bit weird but if that's the only person they'd think has your number I can again see how that would come about.

Imagine you were lying dead inside and they hadn't checked on you. They would be the talk of the town!!

You are being unfair to them, you don’t know them, have never spoken to them during the time you’ve lived next door to them yet you can tell just by looking they are nosy. Nosy is peering through the fence whenever you step foot into garden. Pouncing on you the moment you get home, telling you xyz visitors have been while you were out at the shops. Going anywhere nice?. Taking in parcels and trying to sneak the packaging open.
Not all men have ulterior motives, for all they knew you may have been taken ill or fallen.
A general polite heads up to them “Hi, Just to let you know, I’m going away for a week.You’re not obliged to but If anything happens with the house could you contact xxxx for me and he’ll sort it out.. Thank you so much” Would have avoided all of this

I think the idea that everyone is friends with their neighbours, is very unrealistic.

I don't think anyone here is saying it's usual to be friends with your neighbours, although some people are, but even in the least friendly places I've lived people say hello, good morning or some other kind of greeting if they see their neighbour in passing. It doesn't mean people are nosy, it's just social niceties. I think it's very odd to live somewhere for years without exchanging a word with your neighbours.

you are an elderly man and you have young woman living next door to you.

She goes away for a few days. You get the local estate agent to ring her while she is on holiday, to find out where she is.

Oh come on.

You are a person and you are worried about your next door neighbour. You try to think of someone who might have your neighbour’s number. You think of someone, and get them to ring the neighbour to see if they’re ok.

I don't understand how you can never speak to a neighbour.

I keep myself to myself, and am not friends with any of my neighbours past or present, but always friendly to them. If I see them as I'm coming or going I always say hello. I can't get my head round how you would just blank your neighbours 😂

I agree with this. Bring cookies and introduce yourself. Thank them for their concern. Be a good neighbor.

Yabu to say 'I know from looking at these people....'

Ask yabu to live in Ireland & not speak to your neighbours! Are you a blow in?

I can’t remember the last time I saw my neighbours on the right hand side. Must be several weeks. I know they’re alive as they put their recycling bin out yesterday 😁 but it wouldn’t occur to me to keep tabs. I’ve certainly never told any of my neighbours when I’m going on holiday.

As for the ‘OMG but what if you’d fallen down the stairs and were lying dead?!’ comments, surely it would take a few days for your neighbours to notice something suspicious - even if you did always tell them when you were going away? It can’t be THAT unusual to not see your neighbours for a couple of days. My friends and family would be far more likely to notice I’d stopped replying on WhatsApp or Facebook.

I think what the OP is describing, where she actively avoids talking to any of her neighbours, is quite extreme. But calling the estate agent to track your neighbour down is on the extreme side too. If you notice a young woman - one you have zero relationship with other then sharing a postcode - hasn’t been around for a few days, is your first thought really that there’s been a tragic accident? Or that it’s July and she’s probably on holiday, and hasn’t told you because she never talks to you anyway?

@WomanStanleyWoman2 It is hot topic in Ireland at the moment, given that a situation has just emerged where a couple were found in their home deceased for over a year, and questions are being asked how did the neighbours not notice!

Do you all really speak to your neighbours?

Of course.
When I see them.
As a pp said, I wouldn't say I am friends with my neighbours. We don't all invite each other in for food and drinks, but everyone will pass the time of day if you happen to be outside when someone passes. We just have normal, friendly, interaction. Everyone will take a parcel in for one another.
It has been the same wherever I have lived - 7 different homes so far.