Teacher insulting my daughter

[Lua1978]

I work as a teacher at the same secondary school my daughter attends. In the staff workroom yesterday, a couple of teachers were discussing which two pupils they'd overheard saying something about something another pupil had done which they needed to report as a safeguarding concern.

When one of these teachers (who clearly has no clue it's my daughter she's referring to) starts going into great depth discussing one of the girls appearance as they couldn't remember her name... all very personal comments. She then remembered the pupils name and said "oh yeah it's (dds name)" she's got a very unusual name and the only one in the school for sure.

TBH if they had said poorly applied fake tan and skirt rolled up to short I'd have thought fair enough! I'm not overly precious about my daughter but these comments were really personal. I just sat there absolutely stunned and then walked out as honestly I was going to lose my temper or cry if I didn't and I'm normally a really calm person who doesn't get worked up about stuff.

Should I report it- it was really unprofessional, obviously she had no clue it's my daughter but it was so derogatory

To those saying not to report, can you give reasons why?

I really can't think of any other workplace where something like this wouldn't be reported to management.

Why’d you walk out. It’s your child they are talking about do something. If you’re not there to protect her at times like this those teachers will carry on

@beautyisthefaceisee as I said in an earlier post, I've only worked at the school for a few months. The teacher doesn't teach my daughter and it's a large secondary school. I've never even had a conversation with this teacher or many others as they are not in my department. I still see teachers about whose names I'm not even sure of as I've only worked here a short while.

This is horrible and so unprofessional. You also mentioned that you have bitched about children in the past too which is also awful.
I work with families, mainly really difficult ones. My team never bitch or talk in a derogatory way about them, it wouldn't be acceptable in our work. Even the ones who threaten violence against us we try to be empathetic

I think a conversation between two colleagues in the staffroom should not be reported unless it could be described as hateful or discriminatory. It must have been awful to hear, but I am doubtful that any school rules were broken. Teachers should be able to talk freely I think just as people in many other professions talk about their customers, clients or patients. I wouldn't have walked away though. I think you should have defended your child but understand why you didn't feel able to in the moment. Confront her tomorrow. I am sure she will feel awful and think twice in future.

I don't think you should report for this reason... You have said that a comment like
"a girl with rotten orange tan on her hands and a skirt stuck up her arse" = OK because you agree
But a comment like
"a girl with slugs for eyebrows" = not OK because you think she has normal eyebrows.....

It one thing to vent about a child behaviour. It is another to vent about a child's appearance. This not acceptable. I would not want this person teaching my child.

If it was two teachers in the staff room, discussing another teacher, would that still be ok? So discussing their facial features, saying their overweight and then the lovely "face like a slapped arse".

I can't picture a workplace where this would be ok or acceptable and not end up with disciplinary action. So I'm confused why it's fine that it's been said about a teenage girl, by a teacher.

When I say bitch I literally mean saying something along the lines of "I've had an awful lesson with x, I don't know how I'm supposed to teach with x doing this in my class, x called another student a cunt for no reason, x was physically abusive to another pupil, I had to get between them and x wasn't removed even though I called for back up- I'm not paid enough to be a punchbag" that kind of thing. Not slagging them or their appearance off!

Still probably not ok in the grand scheme of things- but things she chooses, not physical features that she was born with.

It really depends -
If they couldn't remember the name AB's said "oh the girl with the dark eyebrows", it's not an issue.
I think you need to be specific as to exactly what was said tbh, or it could very easily be they were describing her in light of forgetting her name.
It's odd you'd be ok with them slagging off her skirt and tan though, but are offended at a comment about dark eyebrows.

I have been specific in a previous post, eyebrows like slugs, face like a slapped arse, big girl- these were all said multiple times even after she remembered her name.

Imagine what they'd say about someone with a facial difference. I'm still so shocked by this behaviour.

Are people working with a different definition of ‘face liked a slapped arse’ than me.
where I live it means sulky/stroppy looking rather than unattractive.
I would assume it refered to the type of child who was covered with fake tan and full of lip gloss and pouted when asked to do anything.

and that makes it okay does it?

Why does it matter what a slapped arse looks like?! It's still an appearance based judgement.

Not that odd.

The skirt would contravene school policy, not only that but it's a deliberate choice. Same with fake tan. OP's DD doesn't have a choice over how her natural eyebrows look like,her frame or her face. They also don't go against school policy,so something a teacher might be expected to moan or comment about.

I don’t agree it’s appearance based actually. It’s attitude based.

I can totally see why the OP would be upset at hearing her daughter described in this way and probably should have said ‘you’re talking about my daughter’ but I really don’t see the massive deal in general.

the teacher didn’t randomly come in with the purposes of criticising the appearance of a student, she was describing her so others knew who she was.
If the daughter looks ‘big’, has unusual eyebrows and has a constantly sulky look on her face then it was an accurate description.
the fact that other teachers knew who she was talking about suggests it was.

I cannot actually believe what I am hearing here and completely agree with the poster above. For all the teachers here defending the staff room as a "safe space", you need to have a serious look at yourselves and your professional standards.
I work in a similar environment with families most of whom display challenging behaviour. I've worked with young offenders, those on the sex offenders register, been physically threatened by adult males twice my size and volunteered at a homeless shelter.
In none of those environments would it have been acceptable to describe service users in the way these teachers described a child in their care they are being paid to professionally safeguard.
My mind is genuinely boggled by the attitudes of other teachers. What about your training? Your professional registrations and codes of conduct?
I get as pissed off and burnt out as the next person and vent frustrations about being stressed and the system being shit and being fed up but bloody hell, are your standards so low?

Those saying would I be happy if a child said that about me/them.
I’m sure that plenty of children have said derogatory things about teacher’s appearances but strangely enough it doesn’t occur to me that I can police what someone says about me when I’m not there.

To add, the majority of my friends are social workers, teachers, nurses, paramedics. I would be profoundly shocked if they had such low professional standards. They are not saints by any means and we all share work grumbles over wine. Just not personally derogatory ones about the vulnerable people we are paid to support.

It's common to have higher expectations from adults,precisely because they aren't children.

The teacher wasn't sitting in the comfort of their own home. They were in their workplace, where they are employed in a professional capacity. There are therefore expectations to act professional. Same as any job.

Making derogatory comments about the looks/weight of a pupil is not professional.

In no instance would it ever be appropriate for someone in my work to discuss the weight of anyone else. Why is the bar so low for teachers?

Fake tan and lip gloss are appearance based