Teacher insulting my daughter

[Lua1978]

I work as a teacher at the same secondary school my daughter attends. In the staff workroom yesterday, a couple of teachers were discussing which two pupils they'd overheard saying something about something another pupil had done which they needed to report as a safeguarding concern.

When one of these teachers (who clearly has no clue it's my daughter she's referring to) starts going into great depth discussing one of the girls appearance as they couldn't remember her name... all very personal comments. She then remembered the pupils name and said "oh yeah it's (dds name)" she's got a very unusual name and the only one in the school for sure.

TBH if they had said poorly applied fake tan and skirt rolled up to short I'd have thought fair enough! I'm not overly precious about my daughter but these comments were really personal. I just sat there absolutely stunned and then walked out as honestly I was going to lose my temper or cry if I didn't and I'm normally a really calm person who doesn't get worked up about stuff.

Should I report it- it was really unprofessional, obviously she had no clue it's my daughter but it was so derogatory

@EnidSpyton

"Seriously, the expectations of perfection for teachers - and if they can't be perfect then they shouldn't be doing the job - are ridiculous. No wonder so many are leaving in their droves."

This absolutely stinks of throwing your toys out the pram. No one is asking for perfection. It is very clear that what people want is for teachers to not make derogatory comments about childrens appearances and be allowed to get away it "because being a teacher is so stressful".

My job is stressful. My colleagues do my head in sometimes. Our stakeholders can be absolute twats. Will I sneak off with another colleague and call Belinda fat? No. Will I pop the kettle on and tell Sandra that Sallys make up is awful. No. Because it's rude, and it's unprofessional. In my workplace, I am professional. That is what is being asked of teachers too, so get over yourself and stop yapping that you're being made to abide to higher standards than anyone else because that's a downright lie.

And stop assuming that people do these shitty things just because you do.

No, I've never gossiped on what Sandra is wearing.

If someone had something to say about someone's APPEARANCE I would think of them differently.

I am a teacher and have lots of teacher friends and this term was particularly horrendous. None have insulted a pupil's appearance or weight.

Re the leaving in their droves - what this thread has done is lose support for our cause. No-ones asking you to be perfect. We are asking you not to be rude about a pupils' appearnace (which btw, is against your registration agreement and in Scotland you'd be rightly hauled in front o fthe GTCS).

@EnidSpyton I ask again.

if a pupil called you a slur on your appearance, you'd say "oh well then", would you? Given that they should have more leeway than you.

this

Can you imagine the replies I’d this has been if someone else in another caring professional speaking about their care givers/ patients and those also in vulnerable capacity.

teachers are not above approach, behaviours and attitude MUST be professional at all times.

This isn’t sounding off about about a bad working day, let’s face it we ALL have those… this is bullying and name shaming a CHILD on her appearance!!!

its beyond the pale, defiantly go to the head OP, this bully should not be in any caring capacity never mind teaching!!!

You should report her because her language was very inappropriate.

They were only trying to describe so the other teacher could know - even if was the one with spots who has a limp or the one with the funny eye or the overweight one I doubt they really meant much harm.

In what way does describing a teenage girl as "the one with the face like a slapped arse" helpful in deciphering which child they are talking about?

It was said to be cruel and nasty. There is literally no other reason as to why this description would be used, if not to be hurtful.

Two teachers were trying to recall the names of two pupils whose conversation had been overheard (and required some action). Unable to remember the girl's name, one teacher described her appearance. No harm done .

I don't think either event is very unusual, especially in large schools where pupils wear a uniform so descriptions must refer to personal distinguishing features.

Shouldn't you be more concerned about the pupil your daughter was talking about?
.

Wtf!

I’m with you Op. You are your daughter’s defender in these circumstances, I would want my Mum to have stood up for me in this situation.

Complaining about a pupil's bad behaviour is one thing, and usually justified.. Criticizing their appearance is another. And, while ridiculing their fashion choices, hairstyles, and other things over which they have some control isn't particularly professional, there's a big difference between that and making nasty comments about physical characteristics that are a part of them and beyond their control. A pupil who acted like this toward another pupil would rightly be in serious trouble for bullying. It should be the same for a teacher.

OP: I would advise against reporting in this instance, just because it's your daughter and you could be seen as biased. But I would confront the teacher in question, and let them know it's your daughter (the embarrassment may deter them from doing similar things in the future); and I would report any future incidents concerning other pupils.

This wasn't about her 'presentation' in the sense of controllable factors like clothes, make-up, hairdo, etc. It was about her personal physical characteristics.

How is "face like a slapped arsed" not only appropriate, but accurate enough to identify a pupil?

I’m assuming your daughter isn’t aware of any of this?

If you report it it will cause tensions and she’ll be caught in the cross fire. I’d sure as hell make sure the teacher in question finds out she was my daughter though - and sooner rather than later. Making a coffee in the staff room or something similar I’d keep it low key, but would also say something like “she gets the slapped arse face from her fathers side”. You know, she (teacher) knows - perhaps it will make her a little more mindful in future about shooting her mouth off about people’s appearance.

It’s an unfortunate truism that just some people just can’t help themselves but behave this way. Speaking as someone whose face naturally falls into a “slapped arse” formation.

There are ways of talking about appearance though. Face like a slapped arse. Is not helpful

You cannot be serious.

Do you genuinely think "funny eye" is a good way to describe someone?!

Just to clarify this teacher doesn't teach my daughter. My daughters behaviour was not an issue. Whilst on break duty this teacher overheard my daughter and another girl talking about something they had seen another girl do that they were worried about. Therefore the teacher in question needed to report it as a safeguarding concern about the girl they were talking about.

My daughter did nothing wrong here, although I have had a conversation about her reporting any concerns she has about other students well-being to a member of staff immediately rather than discussing it with a friend. But teenagers gossip and that's to be expected I guess, they are kids and they are still learning.

I'm a lecturer at a university and I would be absolutely horrified if any of the lecturers were making derogatory comments about a students' appearance. I have never experienced it or heard anyone badmouth a student's appearance. It would make me think that lecturer is an utter swine (and a moron!). Same should apply to teachers at a school.

How doesn't the member of staff know she's your daughter?

Also - why were these teachers discussing safeguarding in a staffroom and with a pupil?

Why didnt they go straight to the safeguarding lead and discuss it with no other members of staff as per policy?

I can’t believe the posters saying this is ok. Surely diversity and inclusion are as much a part of the school environment as they are the NHS, and in the NHS making derogatory comments about a patients appearance or another member of staff is disciplinary, as it should be. This is definitely not ok. I report them.

Report the comments to the DSL

The comments aren’t ok but I think you lost the best opportunity to address it by leaving the room when you did . Your child didn’t hear and isn’t aware so they are not impacted .

if this teacher makes a habit of making similar comments then you will no doubt get another chance