Teacher insulting my daughter

[Lua1978]

I work as a teacher at the same secondary school my daughter attends. In the staff workroom yesterday, a couple of teachers were discussing which two pupils they'd overheard saying something about something another pupil had done which they needed to report as a safeguarding concern.

When one of these teachers (who clearly has no clue it's my daughter she's referring to) starts going into great depth discussing one of the girls appearance as they couldn't remember her name... all very personal comments. She then remembered the pupils name and said "oh yeah it's (dds name)" she's got a very unusual name and the only one in the school for sure.

TBH if they had said poorly applied fake tan and skirt rolled up to short I'd have thought fair enough! I'm not overly precious about my daughter but these comments were really personal. I just sat there absolutely stunned and then walked out as honestly I was going to lose my temper or cry if I didn't and I'm normally a really calm person who doesn't get worked up about stuff.

Should I report it- it was really unprofessional, obviously she had no clue it's my daughter but it was so derogatory

The comments she made about her were about her eyebrows - which she repeatedly compared to slugs- my daughter doesn't dye or have particularly thick eyebrows. They are just her regular eyebrows. She also made comments about her big face that looks like a slapped arse. She also called her a 'big girl' - she's 5ft nothing and a size 8/10 but does have very large boobs. are the posters saying this is acceptable teachers? I no longer trust the teaching profession if so.

Yes, they are. People are downright refusing to accept this isn't acceptable and it's disgusting.

If this is appropriate behaviour for teachers, and we should all just accept it and stop making a deal of it, then god love our children stuck in these schools with them. The teachers sounds worse than the bully's

Definitely report her. As if teenage girls aren't judged on they're appearance enough these days by people they're own age.

You expect it from playground bullies. You don't expect it from someone like a teacher who has a position of trust.

Now so many posters have told us that the staff room is a safe space, where teachers should be able to vent about students looks and make derogatory comments about teenage girls bodies and weight, can't say I'll be too keen to support next time they're striking for more pay. More pay for what? Believing they have a right to bully kids behind their back.

I thought the teacher in the original post was a bad egg, and not all teachers. But the sheer volume of teachers coming to defend her behaviour, and who do not think the teacher should be held accountability for what has been said, is honestly eye opening and downright disgraceful.

I come from a family of teachers. Head teachers, deputy heads and department heads. The behaviour you describe would be unimaginable to any of them. They are adult professionals. They expect professionalism in their staff. Your attitude is outrageous and I think you are very probably, in the wrong job.

I'm a teacher. I've occasionally heard teachers being nasty about students in the way you've described. I've called them out on it. It hasn't made me popular but I don't care. Disgusting behaviour.

Respect to you 🙏
It's unacceptable, I agree

Thank you.

I have a niece who has been bullied in school, and comments about her appearance have been made by other students on far too many occasions. Some comments not far off what OP described in this duration. She has always been told to go to a teacher if she is upset, and to let them know. It breaks my heart to think of a teacher thinking and saying out loud to other teachers, the same things the bullies have said about my niece.

That is completely unacceptable. Schools should be safe places where you feel accepted. If the teacher really used language like that I would be writing to the Head to complain. A culture of respect should come from the top, how could you expect pupils to respect each other if staff don't.

I would not have been able to say anything at the time as I would have burst into tears. So sorry you had this experience and hope you can get SLT to address lack of respect in the school culture.

Venting about bad behaviour, fine. Insulting a child's appearance, not OK.

I know several teachers and they don't talk like that. They're intelligent people who are capable of focusing on the behaviour that's led them to be displeased with the student, rather than engaging in revenge insults.
I find people who do this are either very emotionally immature and/or not very bright. A bit like a child shouting 'And you're ugly...' in an argument that's beyond them.
Its worrying if standards have declined in the profession to the extent that these inadequate individuals slip through the net, and get and keep jobs, but I still think they're the exception.

Totally unacceptable for teachers to make personal comments about appearance, whether in the staff room or not. I would report her. I used to work with a hateful teacher who took great pleasure in criticising children for having big ears, a big nose or being overweight etc. Really horrible woman. She did stop once she'd had a warning from the headteacher.

Eh, don't drag the rest of us into this!!

I’d have had to have said ‘that’s my daughter’ and then watched them squirm.

They would do well to remember that anyone could be listening when they bitch about kids in the school, and it would have been a satisfyingly mortifying way for them to learn that lesson.

Thank you for being a good person.

I know several teachers who work in senior schools. During exam season they used to play games when they were invigilating. They’d walk around and loiter next to the kids they wanted to sleep with, the kids they thought were ugly, the kids most likely to end up in prison etc (insert more hideous categories). It was fucked. They used to laugh about it in the pub.

@beautyisthefaceisee if you read through the entire thread, you'll see there are plenty who generalised your entire profession, most likely to make themselves feel better for the behaviour they themselves conduct by making it out that you all do it as standard.

As I said, I was disgusted at the original teacher in OPs post, but genuinely horrified how many people have spoke up to defend her. Or do not feel it is worthy to be escalated higher. I'm not naive enough to believe that it is genuinely ALL teachers, but the volume on here has shocked me.

I haven't RTFT.

But I wouldn't worry - people are not always who they say they are, there's trolls everywhere.

I for one think its outrageous and the staff concerned should be disciplined (I still dont quite understand how they didnt know it was her daughter, though, so I'm wary of the post in the first place.

I agree with you, but leave our pay alone!

Not usually a fan of the anonymous report, but given that this teacher sounds likely to start bullying you, too and targeting your daughter, that is what I would do here.

Skirt rolling and fake tan is SO common among young teens, I’ve seen it frequently at DD’s school among the 13-15 crowd. Once they mature, it tends to lose its appeal.
DD (17) can now apply fake tan well so it looks natural and doesn’t bother rolling her skirt.

Im surprised that people are shocked at the skirt rolling, we were doing it back in the 1980’s!

Bullshit.
I'll complain and moan about a child's behaviour or attitude 'till the cows come home . However,their appearance does not come into it,unless it's a safeguarding issue and then I make a report not bitch about it in the staff room.

It's irrelevant to the behaviour if a child is fat, or too tall,or has a big nose,or weird teeth, or big eyebrows or whatever. Anyone that uses that to have a moan or otherwise is just going for the cheap shot. I do expect better from teachers in general and definitely my coworkers.

@EnidSpyton

I have seen red about pupils' behaviour, many many times.

I have certainly never commented on their appearance and find it utterly outrageous that you would be even tempted.

Presumably you would be ok if a pupil in temper commented on your appearance, then?

I clearly stated in my post that I would never comment on a child's appearance. I don't think that's appropriate or called for, and I can manage my emotions well enough not to need to make personal comments about my students. However, have I heard colleagues comment on children's appearance? Yes, of course. Just like we all do, about everyone, all the time. I'm sure all of you have had a little gossip in the kitchen about what Sandra's wearing today. The amount of holier than thou-ness on this thread is ridiculous.

Being a teacher doesn't make you morally superior or more mature than anyone else. Anyone with a degree can become a teacher, you know. And sometimes we all say things in anger we regret. Which is why the staffroom is a safe place for teachers to vent. Unless you've done it as a job, you cannot understand how isolating and stressful it can be, trapped alone in a classroom with kids all day. If you've had a tough time with a particular student, then sometimes words are said that shouldn't be said. But we all understand - as professionals - that sometimes it happens and we support (and challenge) each other when it does.

From my perspective, if a teacher had form for being consistently nasty about a student then I would challenge them and escalate it. But a one off, ill-advised vent after a tough lesson? No. We all say things we regret when we're stressed. It's the end of the year, everyone's knackered and we've all had enough. Seriously, the expectations of perfection for teachers - and if they can't be perfect then they shouldn't be doing the job - are ridiculous. No wonder so many are leaving in their droves.

Yes, of course. Just like we all do, about everyone, all the time. I'm sure all of you have had a little gossip in the kitchen about what Sandra's wearing today. The amount of holier than thou-ness on this thread is ridiculous. no I haven't. That is the point. It isn't acceptable in any workplace to slag off someone's eyebrows.

Unless perhaps you work in a beauty salon