Teacher insulting my daughter

[Lua1978]

I work as a teacher at the same secondary school my daughter attends. In the staff workroom yesterday, a couple of teachers were discussing which two pupils they'd overheard saying something about something another pupil had done which they needed to report as a safeguarding concern.

When one of these teachers (who clearly has no clue it's my daughter she's referring to) starts going into great depth discussing one of the girls appearance as they couldn't remember her name... all very personal comments. She then remembered the pupils name and said "oh yeah it's (dds name)" she's got a very unusual name and the only one in the school for sure.

TBH if they had said poorly applied fake tan and skirt rolled up to short I'd have thought fair enough! I'm not overly precious about my daughter but these comments were really personal. I just sat there absolutely stunned and then walked out as honestly I was going to lose my temper or cry if I didn't and I'm normally a really calm person who doesn't get worked up about stuff.

Should I report it- it was really unprofessional, obviously she had no clue it's my daughter but it was so derogatory

Rather than reporting it, do you think you could go and talk with the teacher directly? I'm just thinking it would be a far more powerful lesson for the teacher to be aware of the potential impact of her words, and who might be listening.

You shouldspeakto them, but you should also do it for anyone they talk about like that, not just your DD.

I doubt this is the first time they have done it.

Absolutely.

I would absolutely talk directly to the teacher. How horrible.

I'm sure some of the other teachers who were there and know it's your DD would've told her by now and boy, would I have loved to have seen her face!

I actually find it more concerning that you don't know your colleagues! That's so strange. Surely they're aware that a girl with a 'strange name' and the 'only one in the school' is the daughter of one of their colleagues? Bizarre.

I agree with this.

Seriously? That’s more concerning about an adult authority figure talking shit about a girl’s appearance in your world?

I've had some experience of teachers' lounges and I think this kind of chat is quite common. I'm sure many do it to vent, but it often went really far and didn't sit well with me.

It is obviously unfortunate that you heard it, but things do get said in the staffroom that you wouldn't want a parent to hear! I bet the teacher who said it will be mortified when she realises.
Don't report it. Talk to the teacher involved if you think it needs taking any further. Personally though I'd just take it on the chin and move on. It can't have been pleasant to hear though.

I don't think I could have resisted telling her there and then that she was talking about my daughter, imagine how mortified she would have felt

Shockingly unprofessional. Even if it wasn't your own daughter. I work in an office and if someone was derogatory about one of our more challenging clients I'd be having words directly.

Yes I would have too.
”would you have this conversation in front of the girl’s parents?”

YABU

You haven't said what they said that was so personal, yet everyone including you, have rushed to say they were unprofessional,

Based one, er......nothing.

Well, you said she went into great detail about her appearance as she coulndt remember her name. It kind of depends on what was said and whether it was derogatory for the sake of laughing at her, or whether it was just descriptive (but you perhaps didnt like the description?)

Either way, I think I would have mentioned it was my daughter to her at the time.

On, not one!!!

And to elaborate, if this problem was about a person at work hearing "personal" comments, posters would be saying we can't help as we don't know what you mean by personal.

let it go with the teacher. we're allowed opinions. she was being cruel to your dd in person.
talk to your dd about improving her presentation.

I agree with pp, whilst teachers are people, discussing, in a professional and not private space, their pupils or even other staff in a derogatory manner is out of order.

Some people are twats, some are v unpleasant and will say these things, but if he or she wants to say these things to another member of staff (they should obviously not discuss pupils in a way that they are identifiable to anyone outside of school) then they should not be doing so in a space where their conversation can be overheard and that includes the staff room.

I'd report it. Teachers shouldn't be discussing the appearance of a student IMO. I'd report it if it wasn't my daughter though as well.

I wouldn't speak that way about my colleagues or clients, and they're adults that can defend themselves.

They sound more childish than the children they're teaching!

This is a prime example of teachers refusing to believe anyone in their profession can be wrong.

It's actually very sad that your reaction to this is to tell OP her daughter needs to work on her appearance. What an horrific example to set.

I agree. It's so sad to see judgments on appearance being flipped to meaning DD must be presenting herself incorrectly.

I think the question I would ask myself in your situation is whether you would be reporting it if the pupil in question wasn't your daughter. Be honest with yourself: if you'd heard them talking like about any other kid, would you, hand on heart, have been as upset about it as you are now?

If the comments were as derogatory as you say, I don't think teachers should really be talking about any pupils like that at work so by all means have a word with someone about it. But I also think it would be good to consider how the teachers at your school, including yourself, talk about pupils in general and whether what was said about your daughter was any worse. It wasn't OK for your DD so it shouldn't be OK for any other student either.

Well said.