Teacher insulting my daughter

[Lua1978]

I work as a teacher at the same secondary school my daughter attends. In the staff workroom yesterday, a couple of teachers were discussing which two pupils they'd overheard saying something about something another pupil had done which they needed to report as a safeguarding concern.

When one of these teachers (who clearly has no clue it's my daughter she's referring to) starts going into great depth discussing one of the girls appearance as they couldn't remember her name... all very personal comments. She then remembered the pupils name and said "oh yeah it's (dds name)" she's got a very unusual name and the only one in the school for sure.

TBH if they had said poorly applied fake tan and skirt rolled up to short I'd have thought fair enough! I'm not overly precious about my daughter but these comments were really personal. I just sat there absolutely stunned and then walked out as honestly I was going to lose my temper or cry if I didn't and I'm normally a really calm person who doesn't get worked up about stuff.

Should I report it- it was really unprofessional, obviously she had no clue it's my daughter but it was so derogatory

Well what did she say?

Girl in year 8, really really tall, slim, very long hair, down past her bum, purple glasses?

Personal, but nothing nasty and not a safeguarding concern.

How odd though that you are both teachers at the same school and she has no idea one of your kids is there.

@K8Shrop Me too. So weird!

This doesn’t surprise me.
I’ve worked in schools and some teachers are bloody nasty and they were often the ones who didn’t have kids. They were so opinionated about pupils, parents, how they are raised etc. Hope it backfires on them when/if they do eventually have dc.
I would report it op.

She's being a brat by looking a certain way? I hope you're not being serious

Some schools have got well over 2000 pupils and hundreds of staff. It's not that surprising they wouldn't all know each others family details. Especially as some will be new or supply or part time

I went over and spoke to the PE teachers one lunchtime about their laughing at one boy

what did they say? what did you say?

@LadyKenya and others, my post was tongue in cheek.

If anyone else is wondering what it said, it was something like 'I don't believe you. Teachers would never do that.'

I have no idea why it was deleted, as it was meant in jest.

I would be asking HR for advice. Teachers can be cruel, discriminatory and impact on a student's educational journey. Shame on this person for having no manners.

Pupils discuss teachers and I doubt that much of what is said will be flattering. Teachers will discuss pupils and no doubt that some of what is said will also be unflattering. Everybody talks/gossips about everybody else, it is naïve to think otherwise. If the teacher has a genuine concern about something that is real then it should be reported. You have heard something that you don't like about your daughter and you are upset. Go and speak to your daughter and get her version of events, this could be a case of mistaken identity.

The same right every human has to pull up another when they are talking shit about people and creating a negative environment. Sheesh. No wonder the world is falling apart.

I would report it, if you have a sensible head they can help you work through the actual comments and what should, if anything be done. You can't deal with it yourself as it's too personal in your place of work.

Children are childish and gossip so okay for adults to be childish and talk trash about their appearance?

It’s just not true that everyone in the world is not immature in this way.

@Flipflopblowout I imagine the difference between those two is that one party are teenagers, and the other party are being paid to be professional.

There are plenty of people in my workplace who annoy me, but I would never feel I have a right to openly discuss them negatively with other colleagues. If I did, and if I got pulled up on it (rightly so) I wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

Yes, because it's indicative of a lack of communication in general between the OP and her colleagues in a school. Especially as she's said herself her child has an unusual name and the only one in the school. How does that NOT come up in conversation?

What were the personal comments? OP still hasn't said. The fact they didn't say 'too short skirts and bad fake tan' leaves me wondering what the hell did they say! (as that's pretty description let's be honest)

Would she be just as offended if they were talking about any other child?

Society is falling to pieces. The younger generation (and I'm talking about the adults) just don't seem to mix with their counterparts in general or have conversations about life like we used to (and still do) Causing problems like this - lack of communication is usually to blame for most things!

@CoastalWave I am honestly in awe of how you have managed to read OPs post, and then convinced yourself she is to blame for the entire situation.

@SurfBox That wasn't what they said. The OP said her daughter's name is unusual and that's how she knew the other teachers were definitely talking about her daughter. The other teachers didn't say anything about her name.

It depends on comments. It’s obviously a serious issue (safeguarding) and teachers were trying to identify your daughter but couldn’t recollect her name. So it’s not like they were describing her for no reason. If it’s factual between teachers in private then I can understand. My dd has an obvious physical disability so I would fully accept a teacher would say to another the girl with x was a witness if she didn’t know DD’s name.
Obviously if you felt it was deliberately unkind and unnecessary that’s something to take further. Rolled up skirt and dodgy fake tan could be any girl. So if she’s said the girl with the lazy eye and long greasy hair that’s not nice to hear but descriptive.

I’d report her then talk to her.

Then she can’t weasel out of it with some shitty excuse.

Her physical presentation?!?

Have you considered even for a second that it might be something that can't be improved? And even if it can, children shouldn't have to change the way they look so grown ass adults don't make fun of them.

The same right every human has to pull up another when they are talking shit about people and creating a negative environment. Sheesh. No wonder the world is falling apart

yea but on mn so many people would 'confront' every negative behaviour they see in the world or report it etc and they would no immoral deed to go unchecked. In reality it's never this black and white, for instance there are some workplaces where you'd cause more hassle for yourself by reporting everything untoward you see and depending on the politics the mgmt might see you as a liability. On mn, it's strongly advised to make friends or socialise in work and you must always be 100 percent professional and detached 24/7 in work-in reality that doesn't happen.
The same goes if we were to confront every person in a non professional setting over their behaviour we didn't agree with. While it sounds right in theory, putting this all into practice is alot more difficult and often it's better to keep our heads down.

I think it entirely depends on what she said. Without that I don't think we can really comment. Can you provide more details?

That wasn't what they said. The OP said her daughter's name is unusual and that's how she knew the other teachers were definitely talking about her daughter. The other teachers didn't say anything about her name

ok fair enough but without knowing what was actually said this thread is pretty redunant as we can't offer advice without actually knowing the whole story.

Think about how many threads are started after all whereby a poster is offended by comments that are not in the least offensive and the op is being over sensitive.

As a former teacher I'd say this isn't a point of complaint but I would make your head of department aware of it, explain that it was really unprofessional as well as obviously not nice for you to hear, then I'd request a meeting and raise it with them personally.

They do need speaking to and I'd defo drop it into the conversation that your HOD is aware of the issue as they will know from that that the complaint could be raised if they continue to do it.

Bless you, OP. Try not to take it personally.

*I’d report her then talk to her.

Then she can’t weasel out of it with some shitty excuse*

when you report something you generally aren't allowed to do that as you are then interfering with the investigation.

The description was enough to jog teacher’s memory with name though. So out of hundreds of pupils it needed to be descriptive.
If you felt it was deliberately mean and unnecessary though then you should take further. It’s impossible to say without knowing your dc and the comments. Obviously if any racist or offensive language used immediately report.
Eg I can see saying the girl with the monobrow isn’t nice to hear but obviously is a noticeable feature that helped identify her. That I would ignore.