Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you say something?

152 replies

Sayornottosay · 06/07/2022 08:21

DD is 12 and in secondary school and stays with her dad half the week. She walks to school from his which is about a 20 min walk. She still has to even if it's raining / crap weather.

He is at work when she sets off but his wife is home and takes her own DD to school but sets off later. Admittedly it's not the same school as her DD is much younger.

AIBU to think she should be given a lift if the weather is crap and should I say something?

OP posts:
SmileyPiuPiu · 06/07/2022 08:26

Absolutely unreasonable.

  1. Bad weather won't hurt her.
  2. None of your business what happens at dad's house.
  3. Not the SM's responsibility to get your child to school, she's going to another school as it is.
chipsandpeas · 06/07/2022 08:30

its rain, get her a decent rain coat or a umberella

SmileyPiuPiu · 06/07/2022 08:31

The only thing you can say is to offer to give your daughter a lift from dads to school yourself.

3amAndImStillAwake · 06/07/2022 08:34

YABU. It's only rain.

RunnyPaint · 06/07/2022 08:35

You obviously love your daughter and want her to be comfortable, but she is very unlikely to dissolve in the rain. I speak from the experience of walking similar distances (every day) at a similar age at a time when the rain was more acidic...

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/07/2022 08:36

If you’re worried then give her a lift or pay for a taxi.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/07/2022 08:37

It is not your ex's wife's responsibility to take your child to school.

Original poster
Sayornottosay · 06/07/2022 08:52

Okay seems I'm being precious. Just seems a shame, her school is only a few mins drive away from their DDs!

OP posts:
FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall · 06/07/2022 08:58

I think you need to remove the wife from the equation and reframe it. Her dad as a responsible parent thinks it's ok for her to walk 20 minutes in the rain. That's the end of it. It's not appropriate for you to question his reasonable parenting.

HerTableLaid · 06/07/2022 09:02

FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall · 06/07/2022 08:58

I think you need to remove the wife from the equation and reframe it. Her dad as a responsible parent thinks it's ok for her to walk 20 minutes in the rain. That's the end of it. It's not appropriate for you to question his reasonable parenting.

Exactly. And it’s entirely reasonable. My just turned ten year old walks 20 minutes to school in all weathers (with me).

TheVolturi · 06/07/2022 09:03

She's 12. Rain/wind /snow won't hurt her one bit!

Skyeheather · 06/07/2022 09:04

Because I don't drive my six year old has a 40 minute walk to school and back every day in all weathers. We have done this for a year and he's still alive. I have also walked to work in all weathers for years, I am still alive, fit and healthy.

Stop wrapping your DD up in cotton wool, walking in the rain for 20 minutes won't kill her. It's good exercise for a start, think of the benefit to her health.

mumto2teenagers · 06/07/2022 09:06

YABU - lots of children walk that distance in all weathers.

CauliWobble · 06/07/2022 09:07

Sayornottosay · 06/07/2022 08:52

Okay seems I'm being precious. Just seems a shame, her school is only a few mins drive away from their DDs!

Doesn't matter. Its not the SM's job to take your daughter to school. Its way over the line for you to suggest she does.

CauliWobble · 06/07/2022 09:08

FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall · 06/07/2022 08:58

I think you need to remove the wife from the equation and reframe it. Her dad as a responsible parent thinks it's ok for her to walk 20 minutes in the rain. That's the end of it. It's not appropriate for you to question his reasonable parenting.

Totally agree with this. How he parents his child is perfectly reasonable so don't interfere

MrsDrSpencerReid · 06/07/2022 09:14

I’m with you OP, you’re not asking her to drive your DD every day, just in poor weather! Bloody hell.

Original poster
Sayornottosay · 06/07/2022 09:19

Thank you, I'm the wife didn't want to let it run for ages as I know people hate it but I thought I'd get a different opinion if I posted initially as a step mother.

Apparently I'm "tight" and mean and my husband seems to agree with her.

I have enough to do in the mornings with our own very young child and getting myself to work on time.

OP posts:
CauliWobble · 06/07/2022 09:19

MrsDrSpencerReid · 06/07/2022 09:14

I’m with you OP, you’re not asking her to drive your DD every day, just in poor weather! Bloody hell.

Shouldn't be asking the stepmum to do anything. Fair enough ask Dad but leave the SM out of it.

CauliWobble · 06/07/2022 09:21

Sayornottosay · 06/07/2022 09:19

Thank you, I'm the wife didn't want to let it run for ages as I know people hate it but I thought I'd get a different opinion if I posted initially as a step mother.

Apparently I'm "tight" and mean and my husband seems to agree with her.

I have enough to do in the mornings with our own very young child and getting myself to work on time.

Oh! I see so dad has asked you too?! I mean it's ok for him to ask but he should have absolutely no expectations and certainly shouldnt grumble if you say no. He is asking you for a favour. What a dick.

Original poster
Sayornottosay · 06/07/2022 09:22

No he never asked me, but is 'inclined to agree' with his ex that it's mean of me to let DSD walk knowing the weather is shit when I'll be taking DD later that morning (to a different school!).

OP posts:
Original poster
Sayornottosay · 06/07/2022 09:23

DSD never said anything to us about not wanting to walk.

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 06/07/2022 09:24

Plenty of kids walk to school (or to the bus stop or the station or the Tube or whatever) every day with no problem, rain or shine. I'm sure yours can do the same. Your ex is doing nothing wrong.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/07/2022 09:25

He can take her then! Be deaf to hints. Do your own thing and let them sort out stuff for their DD.

redwaterbottle · 06/07/2022 09:27

It's not the SM responsibility to get your dc to school, but responsibility or not I could not imagine walking out of my house with one child and not offering another a lift- especially if it was lashing/ saved the child time and it wasn't making my life harder. That's mean.

redwaterbottle · 06/07/2022 09:28

I see this was a reverse. Yes I think you're mean spirited. I'd offer a stranger a lift never mind a step child.