Would you say something?

[Sayornottosay]

DD is 12 and in secondary school and stays with her dad half the week. She walks to school from his which is about a 20 min walk. She still has to even if it's raining / crap weather.

He is at work when she sets off but his wife is home and takes her own DD to school but sets off later. Admittedly it's not the same school as her DD is much younger.

AIBU to think she should be given a lift if the weather is crap and should I say something?

Social Worker / Court found it perfectly acceptable to order that from Y7, my children make a two hour journey, which included 30 mins walk and 2 buses to and from school for contact (as well as a dark dangerous bus station that local adults won't even use) so I can't see anyone forcing anything else to happen to your DSD.

Bravo OP. If you hadn't reversed it the thread would be full of, 'can't you just do it? don't be so mean'

FFS. I hate reverses.

And yes, you're being mean. She is part of your family when she's living with you, so yes - you need to drive her if you're also driving your other daughter.

I'm going to go against the majority here. She walks every day but if its terrible weather a 20 minute walk will see her drenched, even with a raincoat and umbrella.
As the SM is basically driving that way anyway, it wouldn't kill her to set off a little earlier, drop DD and then drop the other child afterwards. just sit in the car for a few minutes. Would be a totally different scenario if she didn't drive/didn't have access to a car etc

I probably have this view though because its exactly the same for my DS. Always walks as his school starts earlier than the younger ones, but when it is really hammering down my exDP partner will take him in and then just wait 10 minutes in the car with the little one until their start time. It was her idea, as she didn't want to see DS get soaked through at the start of his school day and be uncomfortably wet and cold all day along.

In reality it is not very often she takes him in. And I agree, as my exdp partner she has no obligation whatsoever to do this, but she does because she is in his life as his dads partner and is just a nice person.

It looks like it's started now I've done it, unsurprisingly!

It's absolutely fine for kids to be walking to school in the rain, if all the kids in the house are doing the same, as both my DS did.
I can't help feeling that is a bit shit for one kid to get a lift in the rain and the other not, though.

When you say the other school is 'only a few minutes away' do you mean two, or ten-ish?
I dunno. If nearer the former, I'd feel petty giving my own kid a lift in the rain and leaving the other to get wet.

I generally defend step mums on here (I'm not one btw) but in this instance you really are showing your SD that she's second class in the home.

She sets of later and goes to a different school. If she was going to the same school at the right time then yes I'd probably agree to taking her but even then it's completely up to the SM.

Yup..this is the way of the stepmum...:(

Oh, and for the record, my post was going to be the same before I scrolled and saw that this was a reverse.

No she doesn't HAVE to. It's the attitude from the mum and dad that would put me right off doing this tbh. So entitled.

I take our DD because she's in pre school, attached to a primary, and I drop her off on the way to work, half an hour later than DSD sets off.

DSD school is about 5 min drive from DDs school but with traffic it's cutting it fine with me also having to get to my own job.

DSD has never suggested she doesn't want to walk. She walks with friends and as far as I knew wanted to do this. She's never come to me and said 'can I have a lift?' she just shouts bye and goes and meets her friends at the end of the street!

Fwiw, DSD used to go to the primary that DD goes to now and I've dropped her off hundreds of times then so I'm not completely evil.

You're fine not to drive her. My DS is 12 and has a 20-25 min walk to school. If it's raining he just puts a coat on!

Given your latest update they are being even more unreasonable and frankly should be embarrassed of themselves to make this an issue.

I should have seen it coming tbf. They do mollycoddle her in some ways. It doesn't completely surprise me that they think it's "mean" to let her get a bit wet on the walk to school.

I agree

So its a reverse. I still think you are a bit mean, especially as its probably only going to be a few days a year when weather is really bad.
Plus you are this childs actual step mother. My exdp and partner are not married and she wouldn't see DS spending the day wet and uncomfortable just so it didn't inconvenience her for 10 minutes a handful of days a year.

She’s 12. It’s 20 mins. Rain won’t hurt her.

By the same token, if SM is going in that direction anyway and going a few mins early or late doesn’t disrupt the smaller child’s morning, it would be a nice thing to do.

If smaller child has to massively rearrange their day, eg get dropped off way earlier/ get up way earlier/ skip breakfast, then no. DD is 12.

SM can reasonably be expected to put up with disruptions to her own routine for her DH’s daughter.

Well why didn't you start your post with this then? Why the need for a stupid reverse?

If they think it's mean they can take her. But no, they want to outsource it to you.

Why is she getting wet?

Can they not buy her an umbrella?

The only time I was given lifts to secondary school was when I tore up the ligaments inmy knee and was on crutches. YABMU it is normal and good for kids to get some exercise. I'm assuming she has a coat, leave her to it.

She has a coat that she wears with a big hood. I doubt she's spending the day wet and uncomfortable. It's been drizzling here today, it's not lashing down.

If it were the midst of a huge thunderstorm it may be different but not every time it's a bit wet.

How many extra minutes would it be to drop her off at school versus your usual journey?

you need to drive her if you're also driving your other daughter

Does this apply to everything? She's 13 in a few weeks, I can't reasonably treat her the same way as a 3 year old. She makes her own breakfast when she wakes up because I'm busy sorting out a toddler, is that mean too?

If it were the midst of a huge thunderstorm it may be different but not every time it's a bit wet.

In your original post you said lifts if the weather was crap. Not 'a bit wet'.

I took weather is crap to mean lashing down with rain, or very strong winds. so yeah basically thunderstroms.

You've now changed it to them moaning about her walking when 'its a bit wet'.

Thats completely different. So which is it?