Would you say something?

[Sayornottosay]

DD is 12 and in secondary school and stays with her dad half the week. She walks to school from his which is about a 20 min walk. She still has to even if it's raining / crap weather.

He is at work when she sets off but his wife is home and takes her own DD to school but sets off later. Admittedly it's not the same school as her DD is much younger.

AIBU to think she should be given a lift if the weather is crap and should I say something?

It’s not five minutes if she then has to drive back on herself to drop her own DD off.

Has anyone asked the teenager if she actually prefers walking? I know I used to prefer walking unless it was absolutely pissing it down or snowing.

Threads like these are reminder that it’s the poor kids that suffer with step families. Yes she’s not the new wife’s responsibility, but would the wife treat her own daughter like that.

Shes not suffering! Loads of children walk to school and love it. Yes even in the rain. Lots don't love it but they do it. It doesn't hurt them. Unless there is a super massive backstory like DSD has a water allergy (it happens) then she will not be harmed by rain. She's not suffering by walking to school in the rain. And if she was suffering her mum and dad can do something to alleviate this like request flexibile working and take her themselves, or pay for a taxi or see if one of her friends mates is being driven to school and see if they can get a lift.

Well the dad did ask his wife who lives in the same house and leaves a few minutes later to drop another child to a venue close by - but sadly that was a no.

When OP’s DD is in high school, maybe OP will be working longer hours seeing as she won’t have to be around for school runs anymore?

DSD leaves half an hour before OP takes her dd to nursery.

Yeah when DSD walks to school. Which raises another point. Does OP and DD just wave at DSD walking in the rain as they drive past in the car. I myself would just feel massively uncomfortable with that, but each to their own i guess

Yeah when DSD walks to school. Which raises another point. Does OP and DD just wave at DSD walking in the rain as they drive past in the car. I myself would just feel massively uncomfortable with that, but each to their own i guess

She starts school at 8:25, she'd have already started school... Dramatic much.

Nope not dramatic at all, maybe just a bit more considerate of other people

Of course you're being dramatic... No one is driving past a shivering, sodden DSD to drop other DD at school. She's already started by that time!

And then what? OP has said no. Are either of them going to do anything about it and take her themselves or is it suddenly not important now OP won't do it.

I'm a bit torn but I'm coming down on the side of "it's a bit mean". Would the stepmum really not give her own child (or any other human being) a lift in the rain?

I’m with the OP in this… the DSD already has 2 parents that should be sorting out the school drop off between them. It’s not the responsibility of the OP at all, she needs to focus 100% on her own DD. If the actual parents don’t like it they can do the drop off themselves.

I don't see why the biological mum should do the drop-off during dad's time. But I do think whoever of dad/stepmum has more time to drop off dd12 on the rainy mornings should do it.

If the mum is that bothered about her daughter getting a lift, then yes she should do it whether it’s her time or not. Same with anything else. Either she or the father should be doing it. The mum doesn’t get to decide what OP should and shouldn’t be doing.

Thanks for all the replies.

PP asked if I'd do this if she were mine and I've actually already answered that, yes I would. It's nothing to do with her being DSD it's to do with her being of an age now where she can start being more independent which makes my life easier in the mornings. She has a group of friends to walk with and it's a relatively short journey.

I was doing the same at my age but double the journey time, my parents never took me to the school gate once I was in secondary and I remember basically all of my friends being the same. I survived.

I don't drive past her soaking wet and stick my fingers up at her for goodness sake. She'd already started school for a good 10 mins by the time I set off so don't make things up.

Funnily enough no one is too bothered after school when she has to walk home because all 3 of us are working. Don't see her mum or dad being concerned enough to pay for taxis or leave work early then.

Sorry - two biological parents can’t make arrangements. If it was so important to them they would. It’s easy to criticise but obviously not so important to them that they’ll pull their finger out themselves.

If mum is that bothered about it then yes, she should offer to do the lift on "dad's time" if he won't. She is mum 100% of the time. What she shouldn't do is moan when someone who isn't her daughters parent says no to doing her a favour

Have you made this point to DH? That should shut him up

In my defence, if it hadn't been for the really annoying reverse, and the massive drip feed you probably wouldn't haven't been accused of driving past her soaking wet sticking your fingers up.
I'd probably still offer a lift if DSD wanted one, but that's who I am. I'm happy to help so long as it isn't going to have detrimental effect on anything else. You're perfectly within your rights to not offer one though, that's your perogative

Nothing wrong with walking to school, I did it for most of my school life. But very wrong for SM to take her own child but not yours in the rain, and for their father to clearly favour hers.

Oops, didn’t see updates and reverse. From the first OP, without the drip feed about DD being perfectly happy, walking with friends etc, I would still have said the same.

Are people honestly driving secondary age children to school? That's a prime chance at independence squandered. Crappy parenting IMO.

OP yanbu. Your dh should side with you.