Would you say something?

[Sayornottosay]

DD is 12 and in secondary school and stays with her dad half the week. She walks to school from his which is about a 20 min walk. She still has to even if it's raining / crap weather.

He is at work when she sets off but his wife is home and takes her own DD to school but sets off later. Admittedly it's not the same school as her DD is much younger.

AIBU to think she should be given a lift if the weather is crap and should I say something?

It might have helped if you'd been clearer about the age gap in the first post. 😊

I was going to say there's nothing wrong with a bit of rain, No such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing! I remember walking 1.5miles to school and arriving with icicles on my eyebrows.

If you were sending DSD out crying into the driving rain with holes in her shoes while your own DD who was only 2-3 years younger got mollycoddled and driven 5 minutes later it might be different. Mainly because of the implied favouritism. But in the scenario you have now described it is fine.

Maybe DSD's mum just worries deep down if her DD is cared for as much when with her father and SM?

I can though see how the childs mother and father may think this is somewhat selfish of the OP.

Why can’t either this mother or father pay for a taxi and take it upon themselves to ensure their child isn’t in cold wet shoes all day?

Bookworm20 · Today 09:29
I'm going to go against the majority here. She walks every day but if its terrible weather a 20 minute walk will see her drenched, even with a raincoat and umbrella.

No. If the weather is as you describe the school would be closed, it’s not a hurricane.

I grew up in The North, none of us melted in the snow and persistent rain when we were walking 25 mins each way to school, plus walking between campuses also outside. Get a better coat and brolly.

Aside from what the OP is doing (which I think is fine as long as not mean spirited) people need to stop obsessively driving everywhere. Don’t know if anyone has heard of this thing called climate change, there is so little need for driving all these short trips. Beyond that parents constantly being stressed rushing from one pick up to the next and dashing back to work. All unnecessary.

Walking is very healthy.

Mainly because of the implied favouritism. but of course there's favouritism. Everyone favours their own child.

I'm also with you OP. We had DD and DSD in seperate schools and wouldn't dream of picking just DD up and leaving DSD to walk in the rain. All children are treated equally in our home. I would expect this to create unnecessary tension in your exs home as your DD will likely wonder why she is being treated differently. It takes a lot of effort to make a blended family work, this is one example of how to set yourself up for problems later down the line.
In all honesty though, I dont think theres much you can do about it. It's their set up and you don't get much of a say.

Ha yes, they don't want to sort it out themselves , they want to make OP feel bad for not doing it. So it can't actually be that important to them

It's only a mile at most. And a mile of being independent, listening to music, talking to friends and a little bit more activity than many teenagers.

I don't think many teenagers actually want to give up that tiny bit of freedom when they're supervised every other second of the day. Especially when the alternative is waiting for a toddler to be ready, possibly protest about going in the car seat, needing a poo, wobbling about bunnies and stuff whilst their step-up is worrying about whether she's going to get into work on time.

Mainly because of the implied favouritism. but of course there's favouritism. Everyone favours their own child.

Also it’s not really about favouritism. It’s about her responsibility as a parent to get her 3 year old child to school safely because she’s her mum and it’s a responsibility she has. Not sure why people are interpreting that as unfair against high school aged dsd.

Ha yes, they don't want to sort it out themselves , they want to make OP feel bad for not doing it. So it can't actually be that important to them

It’s really just another example of where parents don’t want to parent and the blame is piled on the stepmum. The bar is very low for parents sometimes.
They just need to put their hand in their pockets and pay for a taxi and their daughter gets to school fine and dry and out of the rain. Book it at 6am if needs be so it will come on time.

Why can’t either this mother or father pay for a taxi and take it upon themselves to ensure their child isn’t in cold wet shoes all day?

Because the childs stepmother drives past the childs school every day, which is literally a 5 minute drive away. And to drop her off would mean very minimal change to her morning routine. And probably would be only 3-4 days a year at most.

I must be an odd stepmother then, because I can't ever recall it even entering my head to not do something for one of them because it might put myself out a tiny little bit on the odd occasion, and because 'they weren't my actual child', and their father was at that moment unable to do xyz.
When they are with us, they become the responsibility of ALL the adults in that house, regardless of who's linked to who by blood. When you marry someone with DC, you take on a responsbility for those DC. Not palm it off because they have 2 other parents, so just let them sort everything out even though it will literally cause the minimum of inconvenience. What an odd way to think of your family.

I wonder when OP's DSD is old enough to babysit, I bet she'll be expected to put herself out for OP to watch the little one, and likely not be paid 'because she is family and its just what's expected'.

Ooo just seen that this is a reverse. My previous comment still stands, yes you should take her. By not doing so your creating tension in the blended family unit that you're trying to achieve. You knew by agreeing to be a step mum that you will now effectively have 2 children. Treat both children equally. Otherwise this will be a slippery slope into creating divisions in your home. I say that with teenage children both step and biologically mine. It's a learning curve but sometimes you have to make the effort to get harmony.

Not your child, not your responsibility. Endov.

The OP would be late to work if she took DSD to school.

It won't be great for the blended family unit if OP is sacked for tardiness.

It's good exercise and important for them to learn road sense by that age.

My 11 year old has walked 30+ minutes to school in all weathers (Scotland) for the last year.

My DH wfh and could easily take him but no-one tries to guilt trip him into it.

Probably not. There's no way I'd expect my DSD to babysit.

Fair enough if that's correct, hard to go through everything with the massive drip feed 🙄
Recent post suggests she drops DSD off first, so not sure how that makes her late if she still has to drop off DD after.
If it massively impacts other responsibilities then yeah, DSD is old enough to walk, no issues.
The whole issue of thats your daughter, you sort it really gets my back up. It's not helpful at all when trying to create a blended family.

Again you are just absolving the parents. It’s like you’re determined for the stepmum to do it just because.

And is with this really odd assumption that people seem to have that stepmums will be expecting their stepchildren to babysit in a few years?

And is with this really odd assumption that people seem to have that stepmums will be expecting their stepchildren to babysit in a few years? I have noticed it a few times and as a stepmum there's no way I'd be expecting or possibly even wanting to ask my DSD to watch DC

I don't think many teenagers actually want to give up that tiny bit of freedom when they're supervised every other second of the day. think the parents have forgotten this. DSD doesn't even want a lift yet OP is being made to feel bad for not giving her one.

Me neither.

redwaterbottle ·
It's not the SM responsibility to get your dc to school, but responsibility or not I could not imagine walking out of my house with one child and not offering another a lift- especially if it was lashing/ saved the child time and it wasn't making my life harder. That's mean.

Absolutely this. redwaterbottle beat me too it.

Just basic human decency I’d have thought.

Because the childs stepmother drives past the childs school every day

Incorrect...

DSDs school is past DDs so I'd have to set off about quarter past, drive to DSDs school, drop her off, drive back on myself to drop DD at school and then go back on myself again (toward DSDs school) to go to work

Because the childs stepmother drives past the childs school every day

Incorrect...

DSDs school is past DDs so I'd have to set off about quarter past, drive to DSDs school, drop her off, drive back on myself to drop DD at school and then go back on myself again (toward DSDs school) to go to work

Yes you are correct.

Its 5 minutes between the schools.

So completely unreasonable for the OP to go 5 minutes out of her way a couple of times a year.