Page 6 | Children have so much these days they don't treasure their things?

UndertheCedartree · 2022-07-05T13:32:33+00:00

I've been sorting out my DC's book shelves today. They have *so* much. So many books - fiction and non-fiction, my DD has so many art supplies and art books, colouring books etc. It makes me think back to my childhood. I grew up with much wealthier parents than I am but I had far fewer books etc. The books I had I treasured and re-read so many times. My DC haven't read half their books. I'd read mine inside out. My dad used to video films for us off the TV and I watched them over and over. My DC can just put whatever they want on Netflix.

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UndertheCedartree · 05/07/2022 21:49

HereIAmBrainTheSizeOfAPlanet · 05/07/2022 18:54

Stop buying them things they're not interested in. You can't force them to like reading.

😂😂😂 Books are the main thing my DS ever asks for! He wants to do English Lit at A level. And my DD never wants to go to sleep because she wants to read/listen to more stories!

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stayathomer · 05/07/2022 21:51

Well, as I said in my own experience (not just reading articles and listening to podcasts but actually working with kids for 10 years)
As I said I have also worked in childcare and I have 4 children so it’s experience too (meant in the nicest possible way but just so you know!!)

HereIAmBrainTheSizeOfAPlanet · 05/07/2022 21:54

UndertheCedartree · 05/07/2022 21:49

😂😂😂 Books are the main thing my DS ever asks for! He wants to do English Lit at A level. And my DD never wants to go to sleep because she wants to read/listen to more stories!

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Why are you moaning and begrudging them books then?

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UndertheCedartree · 05/07/2022 22:00

Kanaloa · 05/07/2022 18:58

If they haven’t read half the books they’ve got just stop buying more and more then? As for sitting reading the same ones over and over why would you want that if you can provide them new and different books? As an adult do you buy only a few books and ‘read them inside out’ to ensure they’re properly ‘treasured?’ Or use library books. I don’t know why the blame is always passed on to the kids though - you bought the books. You provided Netflix. That’s why they use them. As for ‘not treasuring them’ what do you want them to do? Sit Sistine chapel screaming at a copy of room on the broom to show their utter appreciation and devotion to that one book?

I got so much enjoyment re-reading my books! I loved them so much! I just wish they could experience that. Um, yes I read some books 'inside out', because I want to - what a strange question! But most I read once then pass on. We do use library books. What blame is passed on?? I have no idea what you mean about the Sistine Chapel?? Just because I feel a bit nostalgic about the stories/films etc I loved as a DC and felt a bit sad my DC wouldn't experience it, hardly warrants your over reaction!

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UndertheCedartree · 05/07/2022 22:06

HereIAmBrainTheSizeOfAPlanet · 05/07/2022 19:12

Why are you paying for Netflix then?

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Because like many other people we enjoy it. I mean isn't that why anyone has Netflix??

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UndertheCedartree · 05/07/2022 22:07

BlackandBlueBird · 05/07/2022 19:16

I’m not sure I agree OP. All 3 of mine definitely have things that they treasure. Yes there are books and toys in the house (typically gifts from people who don’t know them that well!) that they aren’t that fussed about, but they all have toys that they absolutely adore, that are brought on holidays, etc. They all have favourite books that are read and re-read. DD treasures her clothes (the boys not so much!)

How old are they, out of interest?

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UndertheCedartree · 05/07/2022 22:12

stayathomer · 05/07/2022 19:23

I think if you go through your kids’ toys with them acting like you’re just looking (not on a mission to sort etc) you find the ones they ADORE and then you can get rid of a good deal of stuff that you know they never play with or think about. Probably only a third of our stuff is valued to the point that in the future I know when they look at it it will bring back warm fond memories but as for the rest-I used to try to keep loads and realised most of them they had never played with or thought about. I never agree with eg people calling Christmas presents or cheap toys tat though, my children have the weirdest collection of favourite toys that they absolutely adore!! As for books-yes there’s regular culls here unless there’s significance or sentimental value

I did do that when mine were younger. But they have lots of books now that I know they would really enjoy so I don't want to get rid of them. Plus they're now of the age that I can't get rid of their things without their permission.

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mellicauli · 05/07/2022 22:17

Surely treasuring the stuff,defining ourselves by our stuff is what got us here in the first place. Not caring about the stuff is the first step away from over consumption. Well done, kids!

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UndertheCedartree · 05/07/2022 22:24

Kanaloa · 05/07/2022 20:08

But the solution is so so easy. If they’re outgrowing books before they have the chance to read them just stop buying them. Let them borrow from the library or buy their own books. It seems like you’re painting the kids as having ‘too much stuff’ but in fact you buy too much stuff because you like books and arts & crafts. So it’s not that kids don’t treasure stuff because their spoiled and have too much - it’s that you buy too much that they don’t need/want.

It's a little more complicated than that. Now, I admit, I love books and I do buy them some for Birthday/Christmas. But DD has all of DS's books. So can I never buy her any books? Also other people buy them books (and as I said often sets) and then there are the class reads that school encourages you to get and that she loves to get. My DS usually only asks for books for Christmas/Birthday - should I just never get him any books he asks for? And then there are Mumsnet threads with recommended books for kids and I get tempted! My DS already buys his own books and DD buys Art supplies.

My DC do have 'too mich' but I've never said they're spoiled or it's their fault.

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UndertheCedartree · 05/07/2022 22:26

MrsPnut · 05/07/2022 20:12

We donated over 200 children’s books to 6 different teachers for their class libraries, we should probably do a similar cull but she doesn’t read anywhere as much as she used to.
We also only tend to buy one or two things for birthday and Christmas, they are often big items but few in number. This birthday she has a graphics card for her gaming PC and the cost of fitting it. I’ve also bought her a new small sketch book for her to doodle in as she needs to start building an art portfolio for the degree she wants to apply for.

We have worked hard on decluttering our house because having more stuff doesn’t make us any happier.

Oh, I agree, I'm happier with less. I often have donated to school and will definitely continue to do so.

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UndertheCedartree · 05/07/2022 22:30

everythingssogrey · 05/07/2022 20:55

Yes. It's something I think about a lot. I'm 40 and it's a stark contrast. I'm sure I remember every toy I had. The Keepers, and wanting the blue one so much I even dreamt about it.

I remember distinctly going to a friend's house and marvelling at all the toys stacked in the lounge and wondering how any child could possibly have that many toys.

My husband is younger than me and every single xmas will spend 300 - 500 on stuff for our daughter. She has EVERYTHING. Her room is full of toys and it's a big room.

Honestly I don't see it as a good thing. I see it as too much. I've witnessed that it devalues things for her. If something is to be tidied up I have said 'fine, we will put it in the bin then' and she's gone 'yes, put it in the bin' rather than tidy it up, and during my high stress time last year I DID put something in the bin that was not even cheap and she did not care!

She is not a spoilt brat but that's the effect of having anything you could want. Does she dream about having a certain toy the way I did? I really doubt it.

She's lucky to have my husband I suppose as if it were just me it just wouldn't occur to me for her to have all this stuff. I would probably spend 50 - 100 at xmas and birthday and that would be considered generous.

When she goes to my dad's who has no internet she will say 'put this, that on' or 'what is this? (adverts) skip it'

She has no concept of TV. Only streaming services.

It's madness. I often wonder at what I've witnessed, this huge change in the world from what I grew up with (4 TV channels!, no remote! a few things, no mobiles, no internet!)

The Keepers - were they the animals that you 'unlocked'? I had the swan!

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UndertheCedartree · 05/07/2022 22:31

Kanaloa · 05/07/2022 21:05

I posted this upthread but stop buying them. If books are being outgrown before they’re read simply stop buying books? Let them use the library or buy with their own money if they want to. Don’t buy arts supplies if there are already lots there. Just don’t buy more stuff. It’s hardly a difficult solution to come to.

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Yep, if only it were that simple!

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UndertheCedartree · 05/07/2022 22:39

Kanaloa · 05/07/2022 21:41

Well, as I said in my own experience (not just reading articles and listening to podcasts but actually working with kids for 10 years) kids use their imagination much the same as they did when I was a kid. Sometimes acting out familiar stories (which is an important step to creating their own) and sometimes recreating their own lives by playing families/teachers etc, sometimes making up random stories. I think it’s just the typical old ‘oh this new generation doesn’t blah blah blah.’ So I’m not really shocked as much as disagreeing. From what I see kids play as they’ve always played.

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I have to agree. For example my DD plays a game where you can create characters and scenery (houses, shops, beach, park etc) and she makes up stories on it or she role-plays with friends on Roblox. She's using the same imagination as when she writes a story or plays with her friends. Some might just brand it 'screen time' and dismiss it, but you actually sit and play it with them you can see how creative they are.

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UndertheCedartree · 05/07/2022 22:41

HereIAmBrainTheSizeOfAPlanet · 05/07/2022 21:54

Why are you moaning and begrudging them books then?

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Eh? I'm discussing something and I don't begrudge them books atall! I think you have misunderstood my OP.

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GoldenSongbird · 05/07/2022 22:44

I agree DCs have a lot more 'stuff' but I don't think it means they don't treasure anything. It does mean they don't treasure everything. But that's the point of 'treasure' surely?

Yy my teen DD has books she hasn't read but she also has favourites that she's read time and time again. She has a box full of soft toys but still has a favourite one that has sat on her bed for years. Ditto - lots of board games but two that she 'treasures'.

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UndertheCedartree · 05/07/2022 22:44

mellicauli · 05/07/2022 22:17

Surely treasuring the stuff,defining ourselves by our stuff is what got us here in the first place. Not caring about the stuff is the first step away from over consumption. Well done, kids!

Hmmm...interesting point! I don't think so, though! I think the amount of enjoyment I got from a few books means I know I don't need a lot. If them 'not caring' (they do actually care, but using your words) is the first step...um, it's not working!

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UndertheCedartree · 05/07/2022 22:49

GoldenSongbird · 05/07/2022 22:44

I agree DCs have a lot more 'stuff' but I don't think it means they don't treasure anything. It does mean they don't treasure everything. But that's the point of 'treasure' surely?

Yy my teen DD has books she hasn't read but she also has favourites that she's read time and time again. She has a box full of soft toys but still has a favourite one that has sat on her bed for years. Ditto - lots of board games but two that she 'treasures'.

I think actually this thread has made me realise they probably do treasure certain things. It's probably the amount of things that overwhelms me and means I see it less. My DD does re-listen to books on her Yoto over and over but she doesn't have lots of those. As far as I know she's not re-read any books. I'm sure my DS might have. But he has so many books! He does look after them very well.

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BlackandBlueBird · 05/07/2022 23:38

UndertheCedartree · 05/07/2022 22:07

How old are they, out of interest?

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8, 6 and 3.

limitededitionbarbie · 05/07/2022 23:59

Georgeskitchen · 05/07/2022 14:42

Totally agree. As a child I had one large toy that I chose for Xmas, a selection box and a few small bits. One item for birthday and any pressies I got at birthday party. One Easter egg which tbf were much bigger than today's measly offerings. The expectation nowadays seems to be kids getting new toys and stuff virtually every week. I'm aghast at the amount of stuff my grandchildren have and no they don't really appreciate it.

I feel exactly the same. I can remember certain toys that I absolutely treasured, even when I was too
Old for them!

My dd doesn't treasure anything toy wise where
You have to take everywhere! It's all screens. Because their friends are on screens playing online games.

I find it really sad but the generation before is probably felt the same.

It seems more and more the generations are more and more becoming insofar and doing everything online now.

Work, courses, banking, socialising.

Florenz · 06/07/2022 00:19

I always limited my kids to 30 things that they could own. When they got something new they had to give something old to charity. That doesn't include household items or stuff for school or anything like that, but toys and books and devices etc.

Kanaloa · 06/07/2022 07:04

UndertheCedartree · 05/07/2022 22:24

It's a little more complicated than that. Now, I admit, I love books and I do buy them some for Birthday/Christmas. But DD has all of DS's books. So can I never buy her any books? Also other people buy them books (and as I said often sets) and then there are the class reads that school encourages you to get and that she loves to get. My DS usually only asks for books for Christmas/Birthday - should I just never get him any books he asks for? And then there are Mumsnet threads with recommended books for kids and I get tempted! My DS already buys his own books and DD buys Art supplies.

My DC do have 'too mich' but I've never said they're spoiled or it's their fault.

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Well if they ask for books ask them to organise the ones they have and ask if they’re sure they’ll read them. Or ask which book they want and buy just one, then another when they’ve finished that one. Or just keep buying loads if you want but then you can hardly complain that they’ve got too many and don’t read them all.

Kanaloa · 06/07/2022 07:08

And it literally is that simple. If dd asks for art supplies take her upstairs and point out all the art supplies there. If ds asks for a book ask him to go and organise all the books he has and sort out those that are ready for donation since there are so many unread - or encourage him to look on the online library app to see if he can borrow it. Or, if you just enjoy shopping then enjoy it but accept that it means you’ll have too many things if you like to buy lots of things you already have.

Kanaloa · 06/07/2022 07:10

stayathomer · 05/07/2022 21:51

Well, as I said in my own experience (not just reading articles and listening to podcasts but actually working with kids for 10 years)
As I said I have also worked in childcare and I have 4 children so it’s experience too (meant in the nicest possible way but just so you know!!)

Surely if you’ve worked in childcare then you’re aware that it’s unusual for a teacher to say her students ‘can’t imagine?’ Like none of them. They just aren’t capable of imagination. As a childcare practitioner you’ll surely have seen children imagine every single day!

Ahgoonyegirlye · 06/07/2022 07:16

Maybe they don’t like to read as much as you did? There are a lot more distractions for them…
children treasure the oddest things though don’t they. You can give them an expensive toy and their favourite thing could be a collection of gem stones that you got at a gift shop that cost £1.

VestaTilley · 06/07/2022 07:23

I’m not sure I agree - it’s about the culture you foster in your home. A child can never have too many books - do your DC see you reading? If they do they’ll be more inclined to read themselves.

My DS has lots of toys, but he adores four teddies in particular, and has favourite trains and books. He’s not allowed to just watch hours of TV, so we can still build in the delayed gratification of “not now, but at the weekend”.

What’s the answer anyway? We intentionally deprive our children? No thanks. They can have plenty of stuff without being spoilt, and while still treasuring their favourites - you just have to show why things are special, and to say why we’re fortunate to have so many nice things.