What’s the sad reality about life that you had to learn?

[YouAreNotBatman]

To me it was how little people actually care about other’s.

And how lonely and isolating life can be, even as an adult, if you just don’t ”fit in” with the norm.

I think the major thing i have learned is that
you are never as free to choose as you think you are!

some people im sure are living the exact life they want but most people are not and its not because of anything they have done its just that its really hard verging on impossible to “change your life” in any meaningful way.

i know some people who have really risen above the type of life they grew up in but most have not. I volunteered at a charity that does home visits for a few years and i think that was the lesson i learned there. I left in the end because it was really upsetting to see children repeating the same mistakes and problems their parents/grandparents and god knows how far back have.

A second lesson learned from the same job is that women are still second class citizens its more often women and girls that suffer when families are in poverty not to say boys done but they seem more able to escape.

Two people loving each other is not enough to make a relationship work. Heartbreaking to learn in practice.

That (especially after covid) everyone is out for themselves and no one gives a shit about helping and supporting others.

That and thanks to the financial situation we will NEVER be able to buy a house. No matter where we are in the country or how desparately we try and save (we tried, we can't unless we want no joy in our lives AT ALL, not even a chocolate bar, for the next 10+years).

The person who said that men can never see you as a platonic friend must be reasonably attractive. Trust me, they don't have a problem when you're ugly.

If you give someone an inch they will take a mile
people mistaking your kindness for weakness

Living your life to please and suit other people first parents then husband then children

No one is truly your friend

That success does not reflect hard work.

If you are referring to Brexit, surely you mean 52 of the people is this country who voted in the referendum.
Why not blame the people who couldn't be bothered to vote at all.

That the good guy doesn't always beat the bad guy

This 100%. Sorry you feel that way too op

When push comes to shove, you're on your own.

That even when you have made it, you are not insulated from pain, loss, disappointing friends, bad health and general from grind.

it’s just a different type of grind

There is no limit to human evil. Literally anything you can imagine, in your darkest nightmares, is possible. Some people truly are evil. Not sick or deranged, but evil. And I’m not just talking about Fred West or Myra Hindley. There are postmen and accountants on your estate who’d be capable of torture if they got the chance. It’s only the fear of punishment and social ostracism that prevents them.

I think this was my hardest lesson in life and it is a horrible lesson to learn. The only thing I disagree with is that they don’t get the chance, a lot of them do. Domestic abuse isn’t all slaps and hair pulling. A lot of women and children face torture, rape and pain on a regular basis. I cannot look at men in the same light these days. I always find myself wondering if they are one of the ones getting away with it.

I find it incredibly difficult to believe the best of any man now. I would have described most of my exes as ‘good guys’ but they weren’t. They just were towards the bottom end of a sliding scale.

That no matter what a narcissistic, selfish, abusive, nasty, rapey shit you are behind closed doors, people will still adore the public persona .

Wow this is not very nice to read.

that women are sold this huge lie that they are lucky to be married or get a man. Like that is a prize. Even many seemingly nice men are just big toddlers only interested in having their needs met.

In most happy marriages that I know, it is invariably the woman making sacrifices or putting up with behaviour that I wouldn’t put up with or being their skivvy.

Youarenot
I agree. Very few people deeply care about us. It only takes a crisis to show who your true friends are. I went through the most awful circumstances and to this day I have two friends who are still unaware.

I have reassessed my life and allowed acquaintances to drop off - particularly those I do not see or hear from unless I initiate contact. I do not need another person to have coffee/playdate with. I hate small talk and receive nothing from it.

I agree with this. I did not understand or believe this when young.
They are not mentally ill or in need of help. They are just evil.

A lot of people live their entire lives to acquire material goods.

That my (teenage) daughter is unlikely to ever see me again once she’s left home for university.

I have tried so hard but she just … doesn’t like me (or anyone in the family, really) It was a gut-wrenchingly horrible realisation but in some ways I’m glad I’ve had in advance so have a few years to adjust

That one way to test someone’s honesty is to watch them on the supermarket self scanners, and see how many ‘forget’ to scan all their items. I see it constantly, day in and day out.
And the ones most likely to ‘forget’ are usually those who you see pulling up in their flash cars.

A few things:

Gossip (as in negative talk about others) is a requirement to 'be in with' female only groups. If you don't take part in gossip you WILL be gossiped about. The more gossip you contribute the more protected from other's gossip you and your children are. I still don't take part and pay the price.

Power is useful. Being nice, rule abiding, pleasant, honest and helpful is not going to get you far. You can protect yourself from envious /jealous people by being in a position of power. Achieve this by either having an influential role or being the best at what you do or ideally both.

Toxic people and bullies exist. Yes, they love showering others with petty rude digs, they feel alive the more digs they share out and love to confuse you by being naice to a select few people (those they deem in a position of power or influence) and relish the confusion and self doubt this causes.

That someone friends aren’t who you think they are

Sometimes*

I do not think I am on my own. I do think my DP has my back totally.

There are some decent people. But what shocked me over the last few years was realising how many people really do not care about anyone else at all except their own family. Even at the basic level. I have always voted for the party that is best for the most vulnerable, they need a good government. It shocked me to realise how many people do not give a shit and will happily vote for a party that gives their family lots of money and shits on the most vulnerable - people openly saying this on MN, not my interpretation.

I remember not understanding how Nazi Germany could happen. I understand it now. The Nazi party repaired an economy in a terrible state and gave jobs and money to enough of the population who wanted this, and did not give a shit what it meant for others. As long as they were okay. I have realised that this could happen again.