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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What’s the sad reality about life that you had to learn?

484 replies

YouAreNotBatman · 05/07/2022 11:42

To me it was how little people actually care about other’s.

And how lonely and isolating life can be, even as an adult, if you just don’t ”fit in” with the norm.

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 05/07/2022 15:00

That I never realised how much I truly loved my Mum until she died. I hope there is an afterlife, I really do, I soooo want to see her again.

diamondpony80 · 05/07/2022 15:01

My mum and nan always used to say time speeds up as you get older. It really does feel like the years go faster now than they did when I was younger.

Drive43 · 05/07/2022 15:02

That lots of people are nuts.

TheLostNights · 05/07/2022 15:02

Sad what some of your views are on marriage and men. DH is my world and we have a lovely marriage and have done so for many years. A lot of my friends in the same position.

MiniPiccolo · 05/07/2022 15:04

That although it takes a village, there's no villages left for most.

PoshSpice2 · 05/07/2022 15:04

TheLostNights · 05/07/2022 15:02

Sad what some of your views are on marriage and men. DH is my world and we have a lovely marriage and have done so for many years. A lot of my friends in the same position.

It could happen to any of us sadly

prettyteapotsplease · 05/07/2022 15:05

That basically you're on your own - and I'm from a large family. Unless my back is really against the wall I must cope with problems by myself, I can't rely on anyone else. Prince Charming doesn't exist and there is no happy ending. Cynical? Probably, but that's my experience. OTOH genuine female friendship is worth its weight in gold.

Crikeyalmighty · 05/07/2022 15:06

Never put all your eggs in one basket to the detriment of other things - be it men , jobs or children- always keep a bit of 'you' for yourself

Cryme · 05/07/2022 15:06

You will never know what people are really thinking.

VioletCharlotte · 05/07/2022 15:07

That the 'people in charge' (government) don't actually really know what they're doing and are either 'winging it' or just out for themselves.

When I was young, I always used to feel safe in the knowledge that the 'grown ups' would look after us.

Crikeyalmighty · 05/07/2022 15:08

@TheLostNights sadly at 60 I know quite a few who said the same until they didn't and were totally blindsided - that's why I am a little more cynical- although I'm glad things are good for you

BackInBlackAgain · 05/07/2022 15:14

That life is actually really boring, only punctuated by the good bits, great swathes of boredom.

MariaDingbat · 05/07/2022 15:14

That losing your parents young means you will be behind your peers on lots of things and may never catch up. Losing your whole support system then watching friends get jobs and homes and start families with their parents help when you're still struggling just to get by on your own is hard.

Worldgonecrazy · 05/07/2022 15:14

PoshSpice2 · 05/07/2022 15:04

It could happen to any of us sadly

Show quote history

Sadly if you know ten married couples, there is a strong likelihood that at least two of them are abusive. Nine of the blokes will be wanking off to women being raped and abused. Two will be regularly seeing prostitutes. Two will be having an affair.

But you won’t know. Because part of life is pretending everything is perfect, even to ourselves.

How often do we see an ‘I never thought it would happen to me.’ In the relationship board?

The men doing these things aren’t faceless strangers, they are our husbands, sons, brothers, fathers.

It’s a life lesson I would rather not know, but I do, and it both saddens me and it sickens me to the core.

Fairyliz · 05/07/2022 15:18

SexyLittleNosferatu · 05/07/2022 13:21

Nothing actually matters. Literally nothing. Even if you are the worst person imaginable, nobody will remember in 50/60 years because everyone you know will be dead. Pretty much everything we do is completely pointless.

@SexyLittleNosferatu
I agree with this but isn’t the realisation actually quite freeing?
If nothing actually matters do what you want.

TeaTimeTina · 05/07/2022 15:18

As long as it’s not them going through it, all is good.

They say they understand but really don’t and your forgotten in a second.

Yorkshirelass04 · 05/07/2022 15:21

@Lonelygal22

And I truly despise the trope that anyone criticising Brexit is 'snobbery'. Get over yourself.

Lonelygal22 · 05/07/2022 15:22

Yorkshirelass04 · 05/07/2022 15:21

@Lonelygal22

And I truly despise the trope that anyone criticising Brexit is 'snobbery'. Get over yourself.

It’s not just the criticism but the way you went about it. You can dislike Brexit without condescendingly disparaging those who disagree.

Yorkshirelass04 · 05/07/2022 15:26

@Lonelygal22

Well actually, what I said was people who voted Brexit and Tory perhaps aren't stupid but might be misled. In response who someone who just called them stupid. Hardly freak out material but go on...freak out anyway and call me a snob.

impossible · 05/07/2022 15:28

Life can turn upside down in an instant so don't put things off and don't assume the people you love will always be there. Cherish what you have while you have it.

Trulyweird1 · 05/07/2022 15:28

Blueswedeshoes · 05/07/2022 14:41

I second this. But they all suddenly appear at the Will reading!

Show quote history

Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.

This is an experience I am living right now ( the caring bit) , but what makes it worse is the ‘advice’ and suggestions that family members offer - which generally mean more work for me.

There is no reward in heaven, so if you do it, do it because you want to.

ginghamstarfish · 05/07/2022 15:29

That the majority of people are selfish and inconsiderate to others (especially as neighbours). Not all of course, but most.

LobeliaBaggins · 05/07/2022 15:29

Even on a board for women by women, there will always be women going NAMALT as if they had never even heard of Zara Aleena, Sabina Nessa, Sarah Everard or any of the 52 women killed by men this year. It's not about your lovely DH or DS. It is about male violence, which remains a problem for both men and women, but especially women.

ElegantlyTouched · 05/07/2022 15:36

I don't think men hate w

MitherTheresa · 05/07/2022 15:39

puffalo · 05/07/2022 12:42

Everyone is two faced and will do what they deem they need to do to benefit themselves before anyone else.

Especially in work. I’m still relatively young but I learned a lot of harsh life lessons through work over the last 12 or so years.

  • people will promise you the world with the intention of delivering none of it
  • people will be kind to your face and stir up shit behind your back
  • people will abuse your good nature and work ethic to the absolute maximum and not reward you for it
  • people will try to manipulate others (mostly younger staff) into doing things that they themselves don’t have the balls to do
  • misogynistic attitudes are still rife in upper management
It’s a real shame people can’t be upfront with anyone anymore. I remember a time where I really wanted x training to progress. I was told for months on end that yep, I’d absolutely get that training, not an issue. Yet it was pushed back, and back, and back. I took matters into my own hands, applied for the job I wanted to progress into (luckily had some experience from another role), got the job, and never looked back. If I had believed the lies I fully believe I’d still be there, over a year later, still asking if I could get trained yet.

This 100% - added to which, that your colleagues act stand-offish that you have the temerity to progress in your career.