To expect people to keep the Santa thing going for a bit longer?

[Rainallnight]

I’m not really sure if that’s my AIBU but here goes.

DD is 6 (just). In conversation yesterday, one of her friends told us that there’s no Santa, that mum and dad buy the presents. His mum was there and did a sort of gentle, eye rolly, ‘oh, (boy’s name)’.

I was aghast. She’s 6! And she has a younger brother. I thought we had at least two more years of Santa for her and I’d be upset if she stopped believing this year.

DD wasn’t paying attention and I’m not sure if she heard.

But now I’m thinking ahead to Christmas and realising this is going to be the chat at school.

I am a massive control freak and am tempted to text all the parents and ask them to ask their non-believers to keep a lid on it at school. But I wont!

I’m a huge Christmas sap and I’m just wondering what to do. I guess all I can do is to say to DD that some people don’t believe but we do.

Any thoughts? (I’m aware there’s a hardcore contingent who don’t ‘do’ Santa here - I’m not one of them)

I think what sucks the joy out of Christmas isn’t doing Santa or not doing Santa, it’s the overthinking about it all. It’s a shame. It’s so much better (imvho) when people just relax and go with it all.

That's too early

Especially with older children, I think it works well to bring them into the secret 'for their sibling'. That way they get to enjoy the magic safe in the knowledge that they are not being 'fooled' by adults.

As a younger sibling, I worked out that it was much more advantageous to play along and get presents ..

I think from that age it’s unavoidable that kids will know and talk about it- many will have heard from older siblings. Not much you can do really. Definitely don’t text everyone!

IME as children move from believing to not believing there’s a period is suspended disbelief- they know it’s not really true but they still enjoy the pretence and it still feels magical for both you and them. And then of course they get much bigger and properly know it’s not real, but by that point they get the fun of it and can join in helping make things special for younger siblings or cousins.

It’s all good. Definitely not something to get upset or stressed about.

6 is too young, what a shame for that child. However it sounds like your daughter didn't hear him so no harm done.

YABU to try to police what other people tell their kids. You choose to lie to yours so why does that give you the moral high ground?

If you insist on sticking to the Santa thing then it’s a good opportunity to teach your children to understand that people have different beliefs and it’s okay to think differently from others.

Make Christmas about more than just Santa anyway- keeps the magic alive for far longer that way. I’m a huge Christmas fan who has never done the Santa thing, so it’s as magical as it was for me as a child even now as a grandma!!!

YABU. You can’t ask other parents to lie so they can perpetuate a lie you are telling your own child. Would you expect a family who don’t celebrate Christmas at all to join in? Just as if you were a religious family and another child said that either God wasn’t real or that other God(s) is/are the real one, you’d handle it with a ‘some people believe’ conversation. It’s just what happens when your children mix with people outside of their immediate family’s belief system.

I actually think that is a bit crappy of the parent not to be intervening.

But, take a breath. The line is "some people believe and some people don't." Then continue as normal. If your dc want to believe, they will. At 6, they will definitely come across the idea of non-believers, it is a pretty common theme in christmas films and books.

IME as children move from believing to not believing there’s a period is suspended disbelief- they know it’s not really true but they still enjoy the pretence and it still feels magical for both you and them.

I agree with this. You just keep doing what you do at home, leave school and other people’s houses to them. At some point your DC will ask “Is Santa real?” or a variation on that question, then you ask them what THEY think instead of answering directly. Then you go from there depending on the strength of their feeling. You can talk about believing in magic etc.

Try not to stress on this one. You’re absolutely allowed to wish the complete faith but lasted longer but you cannot dictate it, I’m afraid.

Probably too late for you but we always had the main gifts under the tree from mum and dad, Santa just filled the stocking with bits and pieces on Xmas Eve. So it wasn't a huge thing to back out of.

When they started asking questions I simply told them that Santa visits the houses of the kids who believe in him. They're not stupid and they like getting stuff so they insisted they still believe! (and still do at 18 and 16yo 😁)

Don't be that parent!

The funny thing about Santa is how much kids choose to believe in him or not based on how close Christmas Day is!

He'll forget he said it, and come December he'll be as excited as ever.

It sort of comes and goes over the years until they definitely don't believe.

It's normal.

Believing definitely waxes and wanes. My four year old figured it out last hallowe’en (she suddenly said if ghosts and witches are pretend Father Christmas must be pretend too) but by Christmas she was believing again.

I agree that the most important thing about Xmas is to relax and not try to orchestrate everything. My kids never believed in father Xmas and we didn't have Xmas traditions really other than presents and good food. I didn't try and make memories or make traditions.

Just enjoy it. Kids LOVE getting presents and love the general Christmas vibe.

It's ridiculous that people think Christmas magic is based on believing in Father Christmas. They must be shite at having fun if that's the case.

My kids wouldn't of told other kids father Xmas wasn't real though.

You definitely shouldn't tell other parents what to do about Santa. Bizarre thought.

I was 7 when I found out. I was at a new school and the other kids delighted in telling me it had got round the class and as I was new I was the stupid naive one. In the end I begged DM to tell me the truth and cried so much. I never told my younger siblings or any other kids though. The ones that "know" revel in having a "grown up" knowledge and i think it's down to luck of the school and the demographics (I.e. lots of older siblings).

Isn’t this how we all learn he’s not real, through an older child or a child with an older sibling telling us? I remember my cousin who is two years older than me saying it and then I got a few more hunched and worked it out.

Some people don't like lying to their kids and do things differently to you.

My dc are 6. I play along with the whole santa thing because that's what you're "supposed" to do but when they eventually figure it out or are told i won't lie to them and tell them he's real. I also won't really care if they talk about it at school. Same as if other children believe in God, mine don't and I'm happy for them to talk about their lack of belief if they want to.

Christmas is still magical for children regardless of whether they believe a fat man in a red suit delivers the presents or their parents do.

Given that there are 4 yr olds figuring it out for themselves, families that don't do Santa at all, families that don't do Santa the way you do, loads of families with older kids who already know - it's a miracle anyone believes at all.

By Christmas she will probably believe again because presents.

A friend told my DD when she was nearly 8 and she asked us outright if it was true. We always said we wouldn't lie to her directly so we told her the truth. Last Christmas was incredibly cute as she basically talked herself back into believing in Santa and we did the whole lot - stockings, reindeer food, etc. It was still magical.

YABU. It's not up to other parents to maintain a lie for the sake of random kids.

My ds worked it out at 5. I think its ridiculous in the first place but we went along with it. We always told him that we buy the presents and Santa is like a mascot for Xmas like in school. You're being ridiculously OTT at being aghast. She's 6 and most of the kids in ds Class know Santa isn't real.

I never believed in Santa and Christmas was still incredibly fun and magical for me.

I knew a family who brought their kids up not believing in Santa - they were ultra religious, only celebrated Christmas in the biblical sense and they were only allowed one present each as a token. It seemed a shame for them but they did at least teach their kids not to spread the truth round the class.

We were always told that Father Christmas was a nice story we told at Christmas. We still did the letter and mince pies etc but we were never lied to about that (just about it being jesus's birthday lol) and we still loved Christmas.

At 6 she probably has an inkling anyway. I don't remember ever actually believing in Santa but I pretended to for a couple of years as I didn't want to hurt my parents' feelings.