To expect people to keep the Santa thing going for a bit longer?

[Rainallnight]

I’m not really sure if that’s my AIBU but here goes.

DD is 6 (just). In conversation yesterday, one of her friends told us that there’s no Santa, that mum and dad buy the presents. His mum was there and did a sort of gentle, eye rolly, ‘oh, (boy’s name)’.

I was aghast. She’s 6! And she has a younger brother. I thought we had at least two more years of Santa for her and I’d be upset if she stopped believing this year.

DD wasn’t paying attention and I’m not sure if she heard.

But now I’m thinking ahead to Christmas and realising this is going to be the chat at school.

I am a massive control freak and am tempted to text all the parents and ask them to ask their non-believers to keep a lid on it at school. But I wont!

I’m a huge Christmas sap and I’m just wondering what to do. I guess all I can do is to say to DD that some people don’t believe but we do.

Any thoughts? (I’m aware there’s a hardcore contingent who don’t ‘do’ Santa here - I’m not one of them)

I haven't read all the comments, but when I was 4 I saw my dad come into my room through the night to fill my stocking so I never "believed". But that didn't mean santa didn't bring me presents, it was still magical. I'm 30 now and santa still leaves me a wee pile at my mums house!

I think it's fine to introduce Santa when the child is young, but doubling down on it and insisting he is real once they have started to doubt and come to ask you as an older child is odd behaviour and much more akin to a lie.

If I were an 8 year old who had just learnt it was made up I'd be pretty perplexed looking back on how my mum insisted it was definitely true and the other children were wrong/didn't get presents because they didn't believe when I was 6. When they start to doubt, whatever has prompted it, just let it go.

I think parents should stop lying about Santa altogether to be honest. It never sat right with me so when my children would ask if he was real I would say ‘not in real life, only in your imagination’ and they seemed fine with that.

A friend of mine when asked by his DC if Santa was real or not would simply say “well, what do you think? The child would say what they thought and his response would be “well, there you go then” as a way of agreeing with them. They were allowed to believe for as long as they wanted to.

DD1 told DD2 when they were about 8 and 4. DD2 still believed, or at least went along with it, for a few more years yet. Don't worry too much.

This is exactly my experience!

I think my two twigged about Santa when he had to start leaving their stockings downstairs to open in the morning because they were getting in from the pub after I'd gone to bed, and I would be up before them on Xmas day

Well, I think my kids ALWAYS knew that Sanat was a wonderful game.
It is the most amazing game we all play at Christmas, and they didn't care at all if santa was real, or it was us, or whatever, as long as they came downstairs on Christmas morning to a surprising pile of presents under the tree.

They are now teens and we still only put everything under the tree at about 11pm on Christmas Eve so we all get the WOW factor on Christmas morning. We still make santa jokes, expecially if the present is a bit naff. (santa has no taste)

Making a big deal about him being real and tying yourself in knots actually leads to confusion and distress.

relax. Their imagination is big enough to embrace an imaginery figure, and not insist that he is a real one. The joy is in the game, not in insisting he is real.

By the same token the tooth fairy left letters for my kids for years, and they knew 100% it was me, but they still looked for those letters for fun and joy.

Adults take it all too literally, and too seriously.

We've never held to the myth that Santa is solely responsible for the purchase of presents. He's always looked after them and delivers them on Christmas Eve. Even now he still delivers them to our house, and the DC are 21, 23 and 25. Absolutely no presents under the tree before Christmas Day. He used to deliver them late on Christmas Eve, but now tends to arrive early in the morning when the DC are still sleeping off the night before, and no-one is allowed into the room with the Christmas tree and pile of presents until everyone is up. The magic of seeing everyone's gifts on Christmas morning is still there.

You can't be cross if you lie to your children and they then find out the truth from someone else.

WhatsWithAllTheCarrots That’s exactly what DH said too 😂 and now that she’s said this and was fine with it I’m happy for her to believe that. And yeah, why should he get all the credit ha.

Billybagpuss I remember someone I worked with years ago said when they have kids they’ll never tell them Santa is real as you’re meant to teach them that you don’t tell lies but then as parents you lie to them all through their childhood with Santa, Easter bunny, tooth fairy etc… They had a very rough childhood so think they had trust issues anyway. But it stuck with me.
But everyone said not to be silly it’s all a fun part of childhood. I won’t lie if she asks and this year might do just one from Santa and the rest off who they’re actually from. Slowly edge the credit stealing Santa out 😂😂

I genuinely don’t remember finding out so it wasn’t this big traumatic childhood memory for me. I must have remembered when I was about 7 as we moved house then and I remember the “he has been” feeling in the new house. Who knows when I actually found out

But as we know ‘Santa’ is done differently in every house/family - some he brings everything, some it’s only big toys. For us we got told our parents sent money to Santa every year for him to buy us presents.

If your DD does hear stuff at school you can just explain that every family has their own way of doing Christmas and this is how we do ours

We had this. With Father Christmas, tooth fairy and finally God, periods and sex etc. I’ll tell my child myself. I don’t want someone’s gobby (older) kid enlightening mine about these things. If they’re old enough to ask, then they’re old enough to shut up about it at school.

It’s a Catholic school and child’s parents had the child baptised to get in the school. Just know they wouldn’t spout ‘no such thing as God’ in the Head’s presence as there lips are permanently attached to the head’s ass. 😂

Wtf.

I loved believing in Santa and I am very grateful that in Ireland in the 1980s there were no parents failing to enter into the spirit. You would have been considered a total arsehole.

Having said that, my DS(7) has a friend who has been telling him for years that Santa is just a legend. I tend to get past this by saying "Yeah I know! He's a TOTAL legend right enough". DS isn't the sharpest tool in the box but I'm sure he will work it out this year.

If you have younger children, then ask your DD not to spoil it for them, should your DD find out.

dd is 6 and we have regular conversations about what some people believe and others don’t, Santa fell under that umbrella. I take the view that outside of the bog standard inclusion of Santa I’m not going to go out of my way to convince her.

I like the idea of transitioning from believing in Santa to being a Santa and focussing on the the spirit of Christmas and learning about unselfishly giving to make someone else happy. He is real in that we are all capable of being him.

www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/news/a41821/how-to-tell-kids-about-santa/

It will be our babies first Xmas this year and we will definetly be doing Santa- even though she won't understand! However in our house it was always the stockings that came from Santa which contained nothing expensive and the presents under the tree were from who they were from. My partner everything was from Santa but we have agreed we will do it my way. Partly I believe it's not fair that 'Santa' can afford different things for different kids so I believe his things should be the inexpensive ones. Also I believe it opens doors for talking about money management etc. 2 I believe it created a bigger enjoyment in giving for my sister and I as we were able to see my parents express that enjoyment when we loved something.
However I do think that when she starts to question it I will probably use the phrase 'what do you think' as I don't want to outright lie to her if she is directly questioning but I do want to ruin it to early if she isn't

It could be worse:
aphelis.net/levi-strauss-execution-father-christmas/

YABU. I’m all for the Father Christmas thing but you can’t expect other parents to do what you want.

OP it is incredibly difficult when this happens; and it will continue to happen.

We go with the line “In our house, Father Christmas brings the Christmas Presents. Mum and Dad do Birthday Presents. I don’t know what happens in X house, but it’s what happens here!”

Obviously it can’t go on forever, but it has extended it somewhat… I think as they get older many are happy to play along as it almost becomes a tradition.

My children are 3, 7 and 9 the older children are fully aware that is and other people use their own money to buy their presents, they believe that Santa exists to a point but that's what we do in our house , you can't expect everyone to be the same

Yes, I'm still puzzled over that.
Who bought the saucepans last Christmas and the iron the year before?

I remember my dad saying "Maybe they were really naughty last year, so their mum and dad had to do the presents."... and we believed him!

Make Christmas about more than just Santa anyway- keeps the magic alive for far longer that way.

I agree. Father Christmas wasn't a big thing in our house. Our family Christmas traditions are the same today as they were years ago and still magical. Maybe add in some traditions that will stand the test of time?

Having said that, our kids were under strict instructions not to tell other children about FC.

We were sensitive that one problem with Santa is that he can be surprisingly unfair in bringing rich kids far more than he does to kids with less well off parents which is kind of the wrong way round if you think about it - so for us we explained that there was always 1 present from santa the rest are from mum and dad and other relatives, siblings picking out a present for each other.

therefore it is easy to understand when other kids get it wrong and think because mum and dad put out some presents they must put out all the presents.

hth

Santa only brings one present in our house, the rest are from family members so I don't think my child will even care when she finds out 😅
My mum says she still remembers her mum telling her santa wasn't real and the only thing she was upset about was the fact that her mum had lied to her all those years bigging it up that he was real. It really made me think about it differently and now I don't really talk about Santa to my children.
The kids who know santa isn't real will talk about it, even if their parent has told them not to so I think you'll have to accept this one is out of your hands. Using "some people believe and some don't." is a good one as it's neither lying nor admitting Santa isn't real 🎅