To expect people to keep the Santa thing going for a bit longer?

[Rainallnight]

I’m not really sure if that’s my AIBU but here goes.

DD is 6 (just). In conversation yesterday, one of her friends told us that there’s no Santa, that mum and dad buy the presents. His mum was there and did a sort of gentle, eye rolly, ‘oh, (boy’s name)’.

I was aghast. She’s 6! And she has a younger brother. I thought we had at least two more years of Santa for her and I’d be upset if she stopped believing this year.

DD wasn’t paying attention and I’m not sure if she heard.

But now I’m thinking ahead to Christmas and realising this is going to be the chat at school.

I am a massive control freak and am tempted to text all the parents and ask them to ask their non-believers to keep a lid on it at school. But I wont!

I’m a huge Christmas sap and I’m just wondering what to do. I guess all I can do is to say to DD that some people don’t believe but we do.

Any thoughts? (I’m aware there’s a hardcore contingent who don’t ‘do’ Santa here - I’m not one of them)

I was 5 when my mum told me that Father Christmas wasn't real (she wanted me to hear it from her not from my cousin who was 12 and had just found out!) and it did not make a scrap of difference to me. Christmas was amazing and magical and I didn't care who put the presents under the tree.

With our family we said that Father Christmas was a game that everyone played and you weren't allowed to say that it was a game so you had to keep pretending and as far as I know they weren't traumatised and they didn't traumatise anyone else!

So I told my kids it’s entirely up to them whether they’d like to believe in Santa or not. I’ve read a story about there only being one true Santa who lives in Lapland. There are people who dress up as Santa nearer to Christmas though. But what they believe is entirely up to them.

That’s what I say to DD. My little brother was very young when he figured it out and I remember being desperately angry/upset with him, because I knew deep down it wasn’t totally real but wanted to keep believing and he had spoiled it. It was nice to have a magical story to half-believe. I wasn’t ready to have it taken away.

I now go all out with DD in terms of our own traditions and post cards from Santa. She sort of knows it’s my handwriting on the post card, and has mentioned it, but I said ‘as long as you still write to him, he will always write back.’ That way nothing is lost when she stops believing. She can still get funny notes and trinkets from Santa, as long as she wants to keep writing.

I've never understood why lying to children makes getting presents better. If I buy my children gifts I want them to know they're from me, not some stranger that sneaks into the house in the middle of the night!

Don't talk to strangers and don't accept gifts from strangers, unless they have a beard, then sit on their lap and tell them all about yourself and let them into your bedroom at night so they can give you presents. The whole thing is bizzare.

I get you OP, I would be very annoyed rightly or wrongly. Santa was a huge thing in this house and I loved every min of the magic BUT I do think it is a bigger thing in Ireland than UK though.

My rule was: don't admit it until just before they start secondary school. So the Christmas they experience when in Year 6 is the last time you do it. If they find out before then, hold the line but in a jokey way.
Not sure how you do Santa but in my house when I was growing up, he brought small presents separate to the ones given by family and friends. My parents kept this up until I left home even though I stopped believing. That way Santa always brought a few surprise gifts even if I got home from a Christmas Eve night out after he had been.

I started this with my daughter but my MIL had some bullshit about how he was some kind of UPS delivery service of everyone's presents but not his own. Which seems pretty cruel when you have to break it to children that he doesn't exist.

It is bizarre. Lots of things we do with children are bizarre. Today I had a conversation with DD’s hand-pet, a cow named Abigail, about why she couldn’t eat our hedge. Abigail is a hand. I’d never have a conversation with someone else’s hand in any other setting, but kids are bizarre. I also believed in fairies and would talk to flowers as a small child in case there was a fairy inside. Don’t talk to strangers except fairies and Father Christmas seems a perfectly normal amount of bizarre for childhood.

Kids will always talk. We always told ours like most things not everyone believes. You don’t get presents from Father Christmas once you stop believing so some parents do then take over so the children don’t miss out.

My god there are is a lot of po-faced hand wringing over kids believing in Santa on here.
Most parents in real life (those who celebrate Christmas) do the whole Father Christmas thing.

It isn't a lie and your children will not be traumatised because of it. Get a grip.

And OP - just tell your DD that some people believe and some don't

My parents still refuse to admit Father Christmas isn’t real, even though I’m 42 and haven’t had a stocking since I was 17.

Of course it is a lie 🙄

😂😂😂 agree, we never looked back traumatised at our parents 'lying'. It's some of my best childhood memories. Each to their own only seems to apply to some peoples traditions and customs

Is Christmas being enjoyable really so dependent on a story? DS is 6 as well. Think he still believes, he might not by Christmas I don't know. But whatever we will have presents and games and fun with our families and good food.

It really doesn't have to be a big deal if they believe in Father Christmas or not.

@stuntbubbles - mine were the same. And, as Santa brought separate small presents, there was no taking credit for stuff bought by actual live people who loved you

I have no advice but I was that age when I stopped believing. I vaguely remember asking my mum about it but my mum filled in the gaps . Similar to your child , someone at school told me and I stated to question it . I immediately told my younger sister and ruined it for her too ( although apparently she still believed for a bit longer ).

I don’t remember losing the magic of Christmas though and my mum says it was always special for me regardless.

It's just a bit of fun. When mine asked around 8/9 if Santa's real, I told the truth but we still played along with it all. You cannot police what others tell your children, this is how my eldest found out. My youngest found out from her eldest sibling. That is life.

These threads always remind me of my previous neighbour who was still telling her dd she had to 'believe to receive' at 10 yrs old.

The magic of Xmas is in being together and enjoying a special day.

Well in a sense, Santa Claus is real. St Nicholas certainly existed - he was bishop of Myra in the 4th century AD, and threw gifts of gold coins through poor people’s windows to provide dowries for their daughters. The legend evolved from him.
So you are not lying if you say he’s real.
We used to have a Santa (one of the villagers in disguise) at the Sunday School Christmas party, and didn’t feel any conflict between that and the far more important message of the gift of God Himself, incarnate as Jesus, as the whole point of celebrating Christmas.
I filled stockings for my DDs after we got home from the Watchnight service after midnight on Christmas Eve - and I still did until they were in their 20s! They still laughed that Santa had been, even at that age.

Mine are 6 and 10 and Christmas just passed was the first year they knew the truth. They both had strong doubts and as I've never really played along with the Santa vibe too much I was happy to gently steer them to the truth. What is great is how much we all still enjoyed Christmas but the stress was removed now that the whole Santa lie was out of the bag. And they are still insisting on doing all of the magical things in the run up to the festivities so for us anyway it wasn't an issue. But saying that I have drummed into both of them the fact that lots of children do believe so they are under strict instructions to not ruin it for anyone. I think they almost enjoy being in the know (well the younger one anyway!).

Also depends on the child - my eldest was thinking about the logistics of one guy delivering presents to all the children around the world and wondering why all the kids in his class got different amounts of stuff at 6.

He is a very logical person and no amount of telling him it was magic would silence him!

I had a very sad childhood and believed in Santa and fairies for a very long time. I hoped magic existed and that, by some miracle, I would be taken from my parents and given to someone who really wanted me.

A child believing in a bit of Christmas magic is a wonderful thing. Anyone that seeks to spoil that deliberately or through indifferent negligence is a twat.

I've always gone with the "what do you think?". DS1 is very analytical so I doubt he's whole-heartedly believed for years, but because I haven't bigged it up, it's an easy story to play along with for both of us. The suspended disbelief is a game in itself and often goes on longer than the actual belief stage. (And checking NORAD is a Christmas Eve highlight, and gets better as they stay up later)

It's not cool to be the party-pooping child popping everyone else's belief bubbles at a tender age though. Most start sussing it out at around y3, 7/8yrs, but bragging about it at 4/5 is going to ruffle feathers.

6 is far too young imo!
Mine oldest all believed (as far as i know and they told me) until 10/11. My younger ones still believe.
I would hate the magic of Christmas to be taken away from my children so soon, those are the few precious young years to enjoy all of the magic and believing.

My DD was 8 when someone at school told her, so we booked Iceland Lapland and it bought us another year at least. (aware this isnt viable for everyone but there is a UK lapland or similar

👏🏼