To expect people to keep the Santa thing going for a bit longer?

[Rainallnight]

I’m not really sure if that’s my AIBU but here goes.

DD is 6 (just). In conversation yesterday, one of her friends told us that there’s no Santa, that mum and dad buy the presents. His mum was there and did a sort of gentle, eye rolly, ‘oh, (boy’s name)’.

I was aghast. She’s 6! And she has a younger brother. I thought we had at least two more years of Santa for her and I’d be upset if she stopped believing this year.

DD wasn’t paying attention and I’m not sure if she heard.

But now I’m thinking ahead to Christmas and realising this is going to be the chat at school.

I am a massive control freak and am tempted to text all the parents and ask them to ask their non-believers to keep a lid on it at school. But I wont!

I’m a huge Christmas sap and I’m just wondering what to do. I guess all I can do is to say to DD that some people don’t believe but we do.

Any thoughts? (I’m aware there’s a hardcore contingent who don’t ‘do’ Santa here - I’m not one of them)

Ah, it's crappy when other kids "tell" and ruin it for yours, I don't blame you feeling unhappy about it. I have a 8 year old who still believes!

However, you can't dictate what other parents tell their kids, and that's that. Nothing would make more certain that your child gets told Santa's not real than telling all the kids not to tell them!

DD has definitely had doubts and has heard others at school talking about not believing. It hasn't stopped her believing though. I find that getting in a really, really good Father Christmas visit in Dec helps a lot!

I don't really like the whole Santa thing anyway, personally. I find it a bit odd. We'll do it as a game of Christmas make-believe but not actually pretend it's real.

Definitely too early to stop the magic! My mum's failsafe response to kids who told me this was, 'Well of course their mum and dad have to buy their presents, because they have stopped believing in Santa and Santa doesn't come to children who don't believe!'

Manipulative perhaps, but effective!

My 4yr old DD made an off hand comment about wanting to play with the Sylvanian house Nanny got her for Christmas. I said pardon? You mean Santa. She then told me yeah, Santa brings them but Nanny bought it and sent it to him to wrap and keep safe until Christmas.
No idea where this has come from, she doesn’t start school until Sept and doesn’t go to nursery or a playgroup. She plays with my niece and a girl next door who’s 5 and they both still believe.

@Staters sounds like it came from Nanny herself?! I also tell my kids this, especially as I sometimes make their presents and don't want Santa to get all the credit :D

Isn’t it better that nanny gets the credit for the gift rather than some fictitious character.

we just never made a big deal of it, there was always one gift wrapped from Father Christmas, they twigged early on that it was my handwriting, but was an unwritten rule that we all just smiled and enjoyed it.

in my experience even the most ardent non believer starts getting excited the second NORAD tracker fires up.

Meh, 6 is earlier than some but pretty normal age for many IMO. Not all kids are easily duped.

It's not ideal that she's telling other kids but hard to prevent. I think you need to relax about it. I definitely wouldn't panic about your DD finding out, Christmas will still be magical and coming up with increasingly elaborate lies is just taking the whole thing too far.

My Mum was very clear that Santa only brings presents to children who believe in him. This added a couple more years of me thinking ‘maybe Santa is real…’ and even now no one in our household would deny Santa’s existence out loud.

What do you mean , Santa isn't real? 😡😡😲😳

Definitely don't message all the other parents! It's inevitable that she'll hear people saying there's no Santa and i think you're better acknowledging that that happens and having a response prepared than trying to protect her from ever hearing any doubts. Imo the eye roll and glossing over it was quite a good response from the mum as it doesn't make a big deal out of it and that way your DD didn't even notice the comment. Often Christmassy books and films include "non believers"/doubters but Santa always comes good in the end so maybe you can watch some of them nearer the time and that can be a good thing to refer to if DD comes home from school saying she's heard Santa isn't real.

Pretty standard in primary school. Some parents dont do Santa. Just laugh it off and say well we know he is real. You control the narrative

Definitely too early to stop the magic! My mum's failsafe response to kids who told me this was, 'Well of course their mum and dad have to buy their presents, because they have stopped believing in Santa and Santa doesn't come to children who don't believe!'
Manipulative perhaps, but effective!

And despicable. I hate when parents do that. It's so warped and makes it clear that Christmas is much more about them and their feelings than their children's.

Also as an aside i think it's really weird when people obsess over who gets "the credit" for providing a gift! The kids don't care and YOU ARE SANTA so whenever their face lights up from what they've received you know you caused that joy! Really odd imo.

Ds said last year that we bought the presents not Santa. He was 6 then.

However, I manage to trick him by saying, “and where are these presents? Can you see them anywhere in the house?”

He couldn’t, so Santa was believable again.

I know it won’t be long before they both know. They are 7 and 9 now. Tbh I’m surprised the 9 year old hasn’t clocked on. She’s usually quite quick at this stuff

“Mum, Oliver said Santa’s not real!”
”did he ?! Well Oliver’s full of shit isn’t he, he still eats glue and puts his trousers on backwards , pay no attention”

This is one of the things I find most heartbreaking about my eldest.
That his childhood passed him by without him ever knowing or understanding who Santa was.
He's a young adult now and still has no idea. He's never spoken a word in his life.

With my 3 younger children I kept the magic going for a long as I could.
My youngest has a different unrelated disability to my eldest, but he too is non verbal. He understands more than my eldest (his development is on par with a 2 year old, whereas my eldest is just a baby in his mind).
My youngest son is 11 and has just started to feel that magic. Long may it continue!

8 seems to be average age to stop believing. My oldest has just turned 6 and I doubt we will get to 8 because she is ao cynical.

It's a tough one.

When I was little, all presents came from Father Christmas, but that did result in us realising earlier that they were actually from our parents. Now, my DP does all major presents for SCs from us and just a stocking from Father Christmas, so SCs have believed longer.

I do feel like it takes a bit of the magic away though. I still remember coming downstairs in the morning and seeing the pile of gifts that had appeared under the tree, whereas my SCs often see their wrapped presents beforehand because they know they are just from us.

I think it's fine for other parents to tell their DC whatever they like, BUT it's not fine to allow them to ruin it for other children - it's pretty shit to be the family that spoils Father Christmas for the whole class.

In the same way that we teach religious tolerance (you don't go around letting your kids say that God doesn't exist to religious children, it's extremely rude) I think most parents make sure their DC know they're not to blab. However, judging by this thread there are some entitled shit-stirrers out there ("if it's spoiled for my DC then it should be spoiled for everyone else").

I had a massive over reaction to this last Dec. My 8 year olds best friend was telling others there was no Santa. I went to her step dad and lost my s*. But I ended up apologising as when I thought about it its up to each person to tell their child what suits them. My husband also told me to cop on which helped. I have a feeling this will be my daughters last year but to be honest I've realised that Christmas isn't just about Santa for kids. It's about spending time together and making it fun and Santa is just one part of it.

I think this is definitely a cultural difference between Ireland and UK. It's definitely the norm for kids here to believe for longer than 6 and the vast majority of kids would believe in Santa.

OP I would be gutted if my DC heard at that age too but I would play it off and my parents always used lines similar to mentioned above like 'Well i believe and im a grown up and I still get presents' etc. Also 'different people believe different things like about god but Santa comes to this house and we only need to worry about our house'.

Everyone's entitled to raise their kids how they see fit but I am raising my children to respect others beliefs

I think it is polite for children to say "thank you" for gifts from friends and family. So we have stocking from Father Christmas but other gifts are from Grandma/Nana/Uncle Simon/whoever so they can thank that person.

Are you for real? You've lied to your child for 6 years and even now you're thinking of ways to stretch out this lie. But you still believe you've got the moral high ground. I wince when I hear elaborate Santa based lies but always keep my mouth shut but I would never expect or ask my kids to lie

ODFOD and get real.

This year there are going to be a lot of pared back Christmas celebrations. I think many parents are going to be explaining that actually it isn’t Santa who brings presents, it’s mum and dad, and this year there will be far fewer presents under the tree.