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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to clean her flippin' house and to.be annoyed that she asked.

411 replies

TexasTyson · 05/07/2022 02:24

Best mate sent me a WhatsApp 2 days ago...

Hay darling! We are putting the house on the market ASAP if you have any spare time in the next few weeks to come and doing some gardening, cleaning, packing or anything to get this house looking good for the photos I would be so very grateful! And pay you in lunch and bubbles! Xxx

I've been stewing over it. Why the hell would I want to come and clean her house and do her garden!?

Are cleaners and gardeners usually paid in "lunch and bubbles"!? I don't even drink bubbles, I don't like the sensation and I never have.

Where is all this spare time coming from? And why would I not have my own stuff to fill it with? Like, for example, my own life admin. Or even just relaxing after a stressful few days at work!

It just feels like another case of "she has no kids so she must have loads of time and must want to help us" to be honest.

I moved last year and she didn't help me at all!!

I can't tell if I'm being a selfish cow... AIBU?

OP posts:
Lipsandlashes · 05/07/2022 09:39

She is a cheeky fucker. Do like Phoebe and tell her you’d love to help but you don’t want to.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 05/07/2022 09:42

MarvelMrs · 05/07/2022 09:27

I think if your friend has spare cash to buy lunch and bubbles then she could and should just pay for a one off clean from a cleaning company and/or a one off gardener visit.
She isn’t unreasonable to ask as such but it doesn’t make much sense.

I agree.

Rosehugger · 05/07/2022 09:44

I wouldn't mind coming to help and getting fed and watered after for a good friend - I wouldn't be doing it for them, however, for anyone.

Scabbyknackers · 05/07/2022 09:45

The wording of the text itself would annoy me. I don't ever mind being asked a favour outright and often happily help my friends if possible but don't pitch it as though it's a fun thing or you're doing me a good turn.

A friend recently asked 'hey babe! What are you doing on x date and the next few days??' as though she was inviting me to do something with her.

Turned out she wanted a free house sitter, dog and hamster sitter and plant waterer for a fortnight. Tried to sell it as though it was a fun break to another town for me when if I'm honest, their house is a bit of a bombsite (waiting to be renovated) and not somewhere I would particularly want to stay that long on my own. Didn't even offer to pay my ticket and I'm some distance away.

Ok, your friend has been up front about what they're asking but making it all jolly japes when it's in place of paid help is still a bit disingenuous.

Not saying I would refuse if I had some time but I can see why the text grates.

KosherDill · 05/07/2022 09:49

Scabbyknackers · 05/07/2022 09:45

The wording of the text itself would annoy me. I don't ever mind being asked a favour outright and often happily help my friends if possible but don't pitch it as though it's a fun thing or you're doing me a good turn.

A friend recently asked 'hey babe! What are you doing on x date and the next few days??' as though she was inviting me to do something with her.

Turned out she wanted a free house sitter, dog and hamster sitter and plant waterer for a fortnight. Tried to sell it as though it was a fun break to another town for me when if I'm honest, their house is a bit of a bombsite (waiting to be renovated) and not somewhere I would particularly want to stay that long on my own. Didn't even offer to pay my ticket and I'm some distance away.

Ok, your friend has been up front about what they're asking but making it all jolly japes when it's in place of paid help is still a bit disingenuous.

Not saying I would refuse if I had some time but I can see why the text grates.

Agree, the approach is obnoxious.

If someone said "I'm desperate and need help" I'd be more inclined. Presenting it as some big jolly is off-putting.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 05/07/2022 09:49

Scabbyknackers · 05/07/2022 09:45

The wording of the text itself would annoy me. I don't ever mind being asked a favour outright and often happily help my friends if possible but don't pitch it as though it's a fun thing or you're doing me a good turn.

A friend recently asked 'hey babe! What are you doing on x date and the next few days??' as though she was inviting me to do something with her.

Turned out she wanted a free house sitter, dog and hamster sitter and plant waterer for a fortnight. Tried to sell it as though it was a fun break to another town for me when if I'm honest, their house is a bit of a bombsite (waiting to be renovated) and not somewhere I would particularly want to stay that long on my own. Didn't even offer to pay my ticket and I'm some distance away.

Ok, your friend has been up front about what they're asking but making it all jolly japes when it's in place of paid help is still a bit disingenuous.

Not saying I would refuse if I had some time but I can see why the text grates.

Yes ,it reads like the OPs friend is doing her a favour.

antelopevalley · 05/07/2022 09:58

Depends what kind of friendships you have. My friendships we help each other out. Although I would have rolled my eyes at the tweeness of the message.

Pyewhacket · 05/07/2022 10:02

Tell her you've hurt your back but lunch sounds lovely.

sunglassesonthetable · 05/07/2022 10:06

Tell her you've hurt your back but lunch sounds lovely.

😂😂😂😂 👍🏻

antelopevalley · 05/07/2022 10:08

Do none of you help friends at all?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 05/07/2022 10:09

antelopevalley · 05/07/2022 10:08

Do none of you help friends at all?

All the time, were tend not to ask like this though!!

Fishandchipbutty · 05/07/2022 10:12

Unless she has helped you out in a similar manner in the past, thrice no!
Taking responsibility for your house move means booking a cleaner and gardener, or do it herself.
Treats and bubbles from the CF cheapskate would probably be a bar of poxy aero!

GCRich · 05/07/2022 10:13

antelopevalley · 05/07/2022 10:08

Do none of you help friends at all?

Yeah! I don't get the responses here. Well, I do get the response that "no, I don't go round cleaning other people's houses!" But I don't get the idea that asking / helping like this is so utterly unreasonable.

Let's say you need a room painting. It will take 2 or 3 days for one person to do it. You get a friend or two to help. It gets done in 1 or 2 days, you get to chat away to each other whilst it gets done, the room's back to normal quicker, you have a nice meal together at the end, and one or two people get that nice warm fuzzy feeling from helping someone, and the selfish thing of knowing that a favour is due back their way sometime!

Now I completely get why this is some people's idea of hell, but I also get that this would be entirely normal for other friends.

OPs friend's main error was asking OP - if she knew OP better she would have known not to ask!

Fushiadreams · 05/07/2022 10:16

Helping someone paint is very different. To asking someone to come and clean your house for you. I’m so surprised folks can’t see the difference and think nothing of asking their mates to clean their toilet for them. Personally I’ve more respect for my friends and would not ask this.

Eeksteek · 05/07/2022 10:21

Trifecta · 05/07/2022 09:29

I would never asked anyone to help clean my house or work in my garden, FFS. I would work my arse off and do it myself or hire help.

This is my view too. I was horrified to discover that I can not actually do everything myself (not sarky! I’m fiercely independent and needing help makes me really uncomfortable. Unfortunately, as I found out, it’s not actually possible. Which used to be ok when I could pay for services instead. You can solve practically any everyday problem with money. Without, there are limits to what one person can do)

Januarytoes · 05/07/2022 10:27

A family member recently dealt with a similar situation brilliantly.

"I've managed to secure you a slot with my friend who runs a cleaning business.
She'll do it for £X and can fit you in on X day at X time - cleaning services are like gold dust at the moment aren't they"

Everyone was happy with that.

Comedycook · 05/07/2022 10:30

She's a cheeky cow. If she was disabled, bereaved, unwell, a carer for a disabled child or any other difficult situation, I'd totally go round and help. If she is healthy, able bodied and not going through a traumatic time, then she's taking the piss. Wouldn't occur to me in a million years to ask a friend to do this.

ChinBristles · 05/07/2022 10:32

If she was asking for your help to stage the place to look nice for photos then ok.
But packing and gardening sounds like heavy work!
This is why I'm so glad I don't have many friends in real life!

MoodyTwo · 05/07/2022 10:33

I think she has sent that to a few people to be honest.
When i moved people came round and helped me decorate and then we had pizzas and drinks.

FarFarFarAndAway · 05/07/2022 10:35

I agree with everyone. The tone and presentation of the message is off. If you were chatting and she said 'I'm thinking of putting the house on the market, there's so much to do' and then you volunteered, as i have with my single friends in particular (if there's a couple, and they've got money less so), then I'd help out. I have helped friends move for sure, and friends have helped me as well, but there's no expectation, more of an opening to offer and if no-one offers, you get people in!

I think this is where actual conversations rather than Whatsapp are much better, it would have sounded appropriate in some conversations but not as a blanket 'come and work for me for free' text.

FarFarFarAndAway · 05/07/2022 10:37

@Comedycook I would also take circumstances into consideration as well, I help out one of my single parent friends a lot as I know she doesn't have another adult around to rely on, and people have done the same to me as I'm also a single parent. Reasonably well-off couples, less so, because they have more pairs of hands already- although I'll always take the kids or drop something off at the dump. Just wouldn't be doing their gardening, in fact, the more you think about it, the crazier it is!

StridTheKiller · 05/07/2022 10:39

I'd refuse point blank to help someone who says "bubbles", unless this actually has meaning in your country OP?

antelopevalley · 05/07/2022 10:39

Januarytoes · 05/07/2022 10:27

A family member recently dealt with a similar situation brilliantly.

"I've managed to secure you a slot with my friend who runs a cleaning business.
She'll do it for £X and can fit you in on X day at X time - cleaning services are like gold dust at the moment aren't they"

Everyone was happy with that.

That is fucking horrible.

SailingNotSurfing · 05/07/2022 10:41

She knows you are unwilling to help out now you've posted her message on here, poor woman. I don't think the message was cheeky, not if you are close friends. I'm sure she's not expecting you to show up, mop in hand, and deep clean her entire house.

Comedycook · 05/07/2022 10:41

I think the world is divided into people who are happy to ask for help and those who it just wouldn't occur to them to ask. I'm the latter. When I've had to decorate a room in my house, it has never once occurred to me to ask anyone for help.