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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to clean her flippin' house and to.be annoyed that she asked.

411 replies

TexasTyson · 05/07/2022 02:24

Best mate sent me a WhatsApp 2 days ago...

Hay darling! We are putting the house on the market ASAP if you have any spare time in the next few weeks to come and doing some gardening, cleaning, packing or anything to get this house looking good for the photos I would be so very grateful! And pay you in lunch and bubbles! Xxx

I've been stewing over it. Why the hell would I want to come and clean her house and do her garden!?

Are cleaners and gardeners usually paid in "lunch and bubbles"!? I don't even drink bubbles, I don't like the sensation and I never have.

Where is all this spare time coming from? And why would I not have my own stuff to fill it with? Like, for example, my own life admin. Or even just relaxing after a stressful few days at work!

It just feels like another case of "she has no kids so she must have loads of time and must want to help us" to be honest.

I moved last year and she didn't help me at all!!

I can't tell if I'm being a selfish cow... AIBU?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 05/07/2022 09:01

It’s not the outrageous message a lot of people seem to think it is. But you don’t want to help her which is fine. Hopefully she’s happy to continue giving you emotional support.

Herejustforthisone · 05/07/2022 09:03

I wouldn’t mind any one of my best friends asking for help. But we’re close enough that they wouldn’t send such a trite sounding round robin-style text, they’d just ask me. And if I was able, I’d help.

The anonymous scattergun approach of that message, which sounds like it’s been sent to a lot of people, wouldn’t have me racing to help out.

Whitehorsegirl · 05/07/2022 09:04

Cheeky and entitled.

She can always hire a professional cleaner/gardener to do the job if they are struggling to get their house ready.

But then some people just expect everything for nothing...

I would not even bother replying.

I have a friend who is a bit like this. She is planning to put her flat on sale and has been nagging me to come and pick up some large items (which would require hiring a van and I don't drive) she would like to donate to me. I had told already I have no space/need for them and wouldn't be able to do that. I am also about to put my flat on sale and need to paint the walls/clean everything and don't need extra clutter. Again this week I got a message saying ''can you come in on Saturday morning and see what items you want''. I replied I was off travelling for the summer...she will have to find another way to dispose of her unwanted stuff.

fghj149 · 05/07/2022 09:04

It’s not DIY SOS. YANBU

BellePeppa · 05/07/2022 09:07

I wouldn’t want to help clean a friends house and garden unless it was treated like a job and I was getting paid the going rate. Who wants to do such physical work for someone else for the price of a lunch? In my experience this is not a normal friend request.

BellePeppa · 05/07/2022 09:11

Autienotnaughtie · 05/07/2022 03:30

She's asked for help and offered a treat in return. I don't see the issue? Just say your too busy.

You mentioned she didn't help you, did you ask for help?

A treat? Housework, gardening, packing boxes and all you get is a ‘treat’ of lunch and a drink! This is work worthy of being paid in cold hard cash not a silly lunch!

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 05/07/2022 09:17

It's the way it's worded that's cheeky, if she'd asked for some HELP with the garden/ house instead of asking to OP to do it then it would be different.

Phobiaphobic · 05/07/2022 09:17

That message wouldn't even get a reply from me.

BellePeppa · 05/07/2022 09:20

You can always say you’ve hurt your back or something if you don’t want to say a hard no.

glamourousindierockandroll · 05/07/2022 09:21

On the surface, I'd be very happy to help a close friend in this way but I'd probably offer rather than expect to be asked.

My mum and I cleaned my sister's house for her when she went on honeymoon the day after her wedding and her house was a bombsite from all the chaos of getting ready and wedding paraphenalia. I quite enjoyed it tbh.

Hankunamatata · 05/07/2022 09:24

I'd have no problem with that. Help mate out. Have bite then boozy evening

Beautiful3 · 05/07/2022 09:24

Sounds like it's just a mass text to all her friends and family, hoping someone will help out. Some will and some won't. Just say, ""Wow, how exciting! I wish you all the very best. I'm sorry I won't be able to help out, I've got too much on at the moment." She can ask, and you can decline. I wouldn't fall out over it though.

rookiemere · 05/07/2022 09:26

glamourousindierockandroll · 05/07/2022 09:21

On the surface, I'd be very happy to help a close friend in this way but I'd probably offer rather than expect to be asked.

My mum and I cleaned my sister's house for her when she went on honeymoon the day after her wedding and her house was a bombsite from all the chaos of getting ready and wedding paraphenalia. I quite enjoyed it tbh.

That's different though, as a genuinely lovely gesture that was given freely and not asked for.

Seraphinesupport · 05/07/2022 09:27

me and friends/family always help if we can, she wasnt asking you to do everything just asking if you could help her if you get any free time to help a friend.

I wouldn't want to be friends with you, she was only asking, don't ask don't get. I would have said sorry i cant as pretty busy not made a big deal over it.

MarvelMrs · 05/07/2022 09:27

I think if your friend has spare cash to buy lunch and bubbles then she could and should just pay for a one off clean from a cleaning company and/or a one off gardener visit.
She isn’t unreasonable to ask as such but it doesn’t make much sense.

Trifecta · 05/07/2022 09:29

I would never asked anyone to help clean my house or work in my garden, FFS. I would work my arse off and do it myself or hire help.

starfishmummy · 05/07/2022 09:29

It's help before she puts the house on the market, not help moving!! I'd do the latter if I could but not the former!!

GCRich · 05/07/2022 09:30

This seems to me to be one of those threads where both and neither seem unreasonable.

If you are "best mates" with someone then spending time with them, chatting whilst getting things done as a favour for them, especially in return for a fun lunch, makes sense as something you might actively enjoy, albeit not as much if the friend didn't have jobs to do! Obviously she is not being unreasonable to ask given that you can say no.

On the other hand she is being completely unreasonable to ask OP for a massive favour given she clearly doesn't know OP well enough to ask for that favour - if she did know OP better she'd know that OP doesn't see hanging out and chatting as nice way of spending time if there are also chores to be done!

RightOnTheEdge · 05/07/2022 09:32

I think asking for help with an actual move would be OK. I am moving soon and a few of my friends and a girl I work with have said to ask if I need any help and I would be happy to help any of my friends.

I think asking for help cleaning the house and garden just for some photos is a bit weird and cheeky though.

KosherDill · 05/07/2022 09:34

Trifecta · 05/07/2022 09:29

I would never asked anyone to help clean my house or work in my garden, FFS. I would work my arse off and do it myself or hire help.

Exactly this.

Is she planning to share any profit from the house sale?

RestingMurderousFace · 05/07/2022 09:35

I might have been tempted to help, until she used the word ‘bubbles’.

ginghamstarfish · 05/07/2022 09:35

Unless she has offered similar help to you before, then I'd say she's a CF and needs to do her own hard work. We've just gone through the same to sell our house, was very hard work and done at speed, but would not have dreamed of asking anyone else to help - our house, our stuff, our responsibility.

TheNoodlesIncident · 05/07/2022 09:37

I do think I'd view it differently if friend was equally generous with her time and effort. Emotional support is great but if that's as far as she's prepared to go and won't put effort in physically yet expects others to do that for her, I can see why you'd be looking askance at her request now. Nobody likes to feel used! I wondered if they'd seen a house they wanted and had to get theirs on the market to be proceedable asap, but the few weeks timescale doesn't suggest that.

The treats and bubbles thing, I'd assume that translates as "I will supply you with food and drink during the course of the day" so it wouldn't make me think "I don't even like "bubbles", what's she playing at?"

Expecting OP to hang around all day after providing platters of food for a baby's birthday party is beyond the call of duty in my opinion, and I'm not surprised that after not helping with OP's move (even if she didn't ask for help) on top of treating her like a servant now has the OP feeling disinclined to help. I wouldn't, and I usually do offer to help people with stuff.

TildaRae · 05/07/2022 09:37

I’d be ok with this. It was a common occurrence to help friends with this type of thing back in the day!

i wouldn’t call it cheeky fuckery, if you don’t want to do it, don’t do it.

not sure what the sneery comments on the lunch and Prosecco are about? We used to have takeaway and drink after helping fellow mates out.

RainCoffeeBook · 05/07/2022 09:38

I've never heard of friends asking each other to come and do their cleaning. Not even in the event of a house move. That's just rude. Those are the sorts of people who think a friend is literally someone you keep on speedial to ask them to pick up kids or lend money. Basically, what's in it for me types of people.

If you want a service you pay for it. You pay for a cleaner or gardener. Asking friends to do it for free is the sort of thing you should be ashamed of, for having no manners at all.