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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to clean her flippin' house and to.be annoyed that she asked.

411 replies

TexasTyson · 05/07/2022 02:24

Best mate sent me a WhatsApp 2 days ago...

Hay darling! We are putting the house on the market ASAP if you have any spare time in the next few weeks to come and doing some gardening, cleaning, packing or anything to get this house looking good for the photos I would be so very grateful! And pay you in lunch and bubbles! Xxx

I've been stewing over it. Why the hell would I want to come and clean her house and do her garden!?

Are cleaners and gardeners usually paid in "lunch and bubbles"!? I don't even drink bubbles, I don't like the sensation and I never have.

Where is all this spare time coming from? And why would I not have my own stuff to fill it with? Like, for example, my own life admin. Or even just relaxing after a stressful few days at work!

It just feels like another case of "she has no kids so she must have loads of time and must want to help us" to be honest.

I moved last year and she didn't help me at all!!

I can't tell if I'm being a selfish cow... AIBU?

OP posts:
Doorsdoyle · 05/07/2022 10:43

Bizarre. If my house needed cleaning it would never occur to me to ask friends! Maybe I need to take down notes on this cheeky fuckery!

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 05/07/2022 10:48

It depends. I've helped close friends do this and they've done similar. Many will help and some won't.

OP- Just say no, explain the reasons. If she gets stroppy with you then you have her answer there and she may be being a bit CF.

Ori1 · 05/07/2022 11:18

Disagree with OP’s who said this is a reasonable request between friends. I don’t have any friends who would ask me to give up my spare time to clean their house, & some of those friends have been in my life over 20 years. It’s a selfish ask IMHO

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 05/07/2022 11:22

I helped a friend out in similar circumstances, but she didn't message me offering lunch and bubbles. I'd find that objectionable for some reason I can't quite put my finger on. She also helped me out when we moved.

Mellowyellow222 · 05/07/2022 11:26

tears ago I would have helped. Then I realised I was being taken advantage of.

my grind moved a few years ago. I helped clean and pack her kitchen. Moved things to the new house - gave up two weekends.

a couple of years later I moved. She didn’t even text me to say good luck on the day!

it’s okay if both parties in a friendship help out. But I find people who ask this type of favour never reciprocate

Mellowyellow222 · 05/07/2022 11:26

Friend not grind!!!

AchatAVendre · 05/07/2022 11:27

antelopevalley · 05/07/2022 10:08

Do none of you help friends at all?

Yes, but I don't clean their houses or do their gardens for them.

AmbushedByCake1 · 05/07/2022 11:27

I don't see that there was anything wrong with her text. I've helped friends move, I've done gardening for one, and I've had help back from various people too. This for me is part of friendship; helping out when you can!

Somethingneedstochange · 05/07/2022 11:34

That's lovely to help in a small way. But to put pressure on one person to transform a whole house and garden is not.

KosherDill · 05/07/2022 11:58

Januarytoes · 05/07/2022 10:27

A family member recently dealt with a similar situation brilliantly.

"I've managed to secure you a slot with my friend who runs a cleaning business.
She'll do it for £X and can fit you in on X day at X time - cleaning services are like gold dust at the moment aren't they"

Everyone was happy with that.

Brilliant!

Fushiadreams · 05/07/2022 12:00

AmbushedByCake1 · 05/07/2022 11:27

I don't see that there was anything wrong with her text. I've helped friends move, I've done gardening for one, and I've had help back from various people too. This for me is part of friendship; helping out when you can!

So when someone’s texts you can you come clean my house for me, you’re right in there, mop and toilet duck in hand? 🤣

AgentMagenta · 05/07/2022 12:13

@AmbushedByCake1 I've always felt a.special rapport with you, you could even say we've been good friends. 🙂

Can you come over to mine and do the dishes please? And sweep and mop the kitchen floor (there's some dog poo on it) And the place needs a really good vacuuming. Thanks!

VioletInsolence · 05/07/2022 12:23

I think if you’re part of a group of friends who all help each other then this is fine and actually really nice. I see other people on Facebook doing this sort of thing and think I must be going wrong somewhere! I’ve moved house about eight times on my own….maybe I should have asked for help.

johnd2 · 05/07/2022 12:57

What drama! Just forget about whether she deserves it or whether she has asked with the right tone or any other things that are not related to yourself.
Just decide do you want to do it or not, and then answer accordingly. You don't have to justify your answer any more than she has to justify her request.
Must be more exhausting to be offended about a simple message than it would have been to clean her house for a few hours in the first place.
Take care!

GCRich · 05/07/2022 14:14

VioletInsolence · 05/07/2022 12:23

I think if you’re part of a group of friends who all help each other then this is fine and actually really nice. I see other people on Facebook doing this sort of thing and think I must be going wrong somewhere! I’ve moved house about eight times on my own….maybe I should have asked for help.

That's my take. It's nice if, when one person has a really busy time, friends can kill two birds with one stone and can help out and enjoy each other's company. Chores are less chorey if you're able to have a giggle whilst doing them.

But you don't go asking people to do you a favour and clean your house unless you know that you have that kind of relationship, so by definition OPs friend was unreasonable.

Bearsan · 05/07/2022 14:20

Bubbles? Kinell. Just simply No would do here.

Sidisawetlettuce · 05/07/2022 14:23

Fushiadreams · 05/07/2022 02:47

Well I find these responses odd. That’s proper cheeky, come and clean her house and do the garden. I’m with you op. Fuck that. She can clean her own house. It is absolutely not a normal thing to ask someone to do.

This!! The first few replies to the OP ...really? Hmm

Original poster
TexasTyson · 05/07/2022 16:38

Wow this thread has blown up while I've been sleeping off a night shift!

I'm also back from my name change fail.

I would be more than happy to help on moving day itself, that is one specific day and its absolutely fine to ask for help for that. In fact, I have a light goods vehicle licence so friends sometimes ask if I'll drive a Luton van for them.

For me its the request to spend spare time in the lead up to the move cleaning and gardening for them- I live a town away- about a 45 min drive- and I don't actually have that much spare time. This isn't a "can you come on this day and do this thing", its a "can you come here on multiple occasions and do loads for us"

I might be being oversensitive. But it did irritate me!

She is a good friend in general though, hence a rant on here and not at her.

OP posts:
Original poster
TexasTyson · 05/07/2022 16:43

Mellowyellow222 · 05/07/2022 11:26

tears ago I would have helped. Then I realised I was being taken advantage of.

my grind moved a few years ago. I helped clean and pack her kitchen. Moved things to the new house - gave up two weekends.

a couple of years later I moved. She didn’t even text me to say good luck on the day!

it’s okay if both parties in a friendship help out. But I find people who ask this type of favour never reciprocate

This 100% sums it up.

Over the years I've helped her out loads- when she couldn't drive I gave lifts, I ferried stuff to her kids parties, I came over when her newborn had reflux and wouldn't be put down.

She is emotionally supportive to me, but doesn't offer practical help. When I moved last year, she didn't even offer any help. I didn't need it, but thats not the point. Its the sentiment.

OP posts:
Original poster
TexasTyson · 05/07/2022 16:59

ExtraOnion · 05/07/2022 07:42

100% Daily Mail Journo Clickbait … it will be in the paper within 48 hours:

“Woman incensed by friends request for help: what would you do?” .. plus several follow up articles

Oh jesus, I hope not!

I did get a thread on the Wright Show once.

OP posts:
sueelleker · 05/07/2022 19:19

The only time I'd even think of doing this would be if the friend cleaned for a living, and I'd pay her the going rate.

AchatAVendre · 05/07/2022 19:54

Over the years I've helped her out loads- when she couldn't drive I gave lifts, I ferried stuff to her kids parties, I came over when her newborn had reflux and wouldn't be put down.

She is emotionally supportive to me, but doesn't offer practical help. When I moved last year, she didn't even offer any help. I didn't need it, but thats not the point. Its the sentiment.

This will be why she's being a cf now. She has been a user before and wants to be again.

She might as well have written "Please can you come and clean my house, do my gardening and packing because I can't be bothered and I want to sell it with minimal effort on my part. I know I should pay for this but I'll pretend I'm paying you by giving you sandwiches and a drink".

Herejustforthisone · 05/07/2022 21:40

antelopevalley · 05/07/2022 10:39

That is fucking horrible.

Show quote history

What’s ‘fucking horrible’ about it?

LidlCinnamonBun · 05/07/2022 21:56

It’s more fucking horrible to ask people to spend time and money cleaning and packing your house for free

Avarua1 · 06/07/2022 00:57

In societies and natural ecosystems everywhere, the most intelligent creatures are the ones who cooperate.

Don't be selfish.