To not want to clean her flippin' house and to.be annoyed that she asked.

[TexasTyson]

Best mate sent me a WhatsApp 2 days ago...

Hay darling! We are putting the house on the market ASAP if you have any spare time in the next few weeks to come and doing some gardening, cleaning, packing or anything to get this house looking good for the photos I would be so very grateful! And pay you in lunch and bubbles! Xxx

I've been stewing over it. Why the hell would I want to come and clean her house and do her garden!?

Are cleaners and gardeners usually paid in "lunch and bubbles"!? I don't even drink bubbles, I don't like the sensation and I never have.

Where is all this spare time coming from? And why would I not have my own stuff to fill it with? Like, for example, my own life admin. Or even just relaxing after a stressful few days at work!

It just feels like another case of "she has no kids so she must have loads of time and must want to help us" to be honest.

I moved last year and she didn't help me at all!!

I can't tell if I'm being a selfish cow... AIBU?

You'll also find that the more you help people, the more joyful your life will be.

Until you find yourself, sometime in your mid-thirties to early forties, with burnout and several intractable and incurable autoimmune illnesses.

I could really do with someone finishing my extension for joy rather than money, would you like to come and help? I'll provide lunch and dinner. Think how joyful you will become after completing such a task!

You were right….

I dunno. You could say that about me. But I was totally on my own with a small child. Her kids were with her in laws and her mum, dad and brother helped her and her husband move. She didn’t need my help in the way I needed hers. I couldn’t give my help in the way she could give hers. We don’t have equal resources. OTOH if her kids are sick, they can hang out with me while she works. I’d do more if I could.

Yeaaaah cleaning doesn't make me joyful. Quite the opposite.

I help plenty of people, and as I said before if it was "can you do this thing on this day" I'd be happy to help. But that's not what she's asking!

Can't believe they found a real picture of me and DP doing the housework!

Well it depends...

I once helped a crying lost toddler find his mum in a busy shopping centre. I helped a lady lift her buggy up some stairs at a train station. I felt good that I had helped these people.

Helping healthy, able bodied, solvent couples clean their house so they can make as much money as they can from it? No, it would just piss me off. All I'd feel is resentment.

It reads like a group text. A bloody cheeky one!!

Perhaps reply and say “Morning. That’s exciting about a potential move! I was just thinking about getting a gardener. Still waiting for the first guy to get back to me with a quote. Have you found a house you like? Let’s catch up soon! I love choosing paint and curtains, so my skills are definitely deployed in making everything look pretty in your new place 😘”

kittykat’s text is good ! I like the idea of something like that - “oh please let me know if you find a good cleaner/ gardener as I’ve been looking for one for my house - never get the time for these things either, ha ha”

A message that says “could you please/ Id be so grateful if you could come over and do x with me on y day” or “a group of us will be doing z” would be quite acceptable. “I’ve got the kids out of the house so we could really get on and have a laugh whilst we do it, I’ll spring for lunch and buy you a bottle” would be fine.

Its the vagueness as much as anything - as though this “friend” would expect the OP to just get on with whatever it is whilst she carries on with her own everyday life - and I bet lunch would be either nothing or a crappy sandwich, and the bubbles never appear(even if you liked them)

You need new friends.

I (and DH) have asked once and done this twice for friends from the same friendship group. It was in our youth and all of us were pretty broke at the time, moving from rental into first purchased houses. I wouldn't be upset to be asked and would do it if I wanted to and not if I didn't. It wasn't a question of them doing work instead of us, but of everyone helping. We gave them all beer and dinner in the empty flat at the end of the day and they did the same for us.

oh re read and this is slightly different...yes a bit cheeky if its for marketing the house.

I must be in the minority because if it was my friend I'd be like absolutely hun, I'll come over Saturday and we'll have bubbles and takeaway whilst we sort it out

I would prob say no as can't find the motivation to clean my own house most days 🤣 however she asked if you have any spare time, she didn't say "you have to come and clean my house" if you don't want to help her then say you are too busy.

You've got to admire her gall really haven't you?

"Pay you in lunch and bubbles"? I wonder if it'd be Dom Perignon at a fancy restaurant or cheap Prosecco at Wetherspoons? I'm guessing the latter!

Or sparkling mineral water?

Her text is lovely she’s even offering you something nice in return for your help.
it’s ok to not want to or not be able to but to be annoyed seems a bit unreasonable.

my friends helped me get my house ready for photos and an open day and I didn’t give them anything in return other than my thanks - I didn’t think to to be honest because they’re my friends and that’s just something friends do.

not sure if she didn’t help you because she wasn’t free or wasn’t asked or whatever reason but it’s really not a problem for someone to reach out to their friends to ask this sort of thing imo.

Yabu
Dont help if you don’t want to, but don’t slate the poor woman just for asking.

If it was my best friend I would have offered and if I got a message like that my response would be to say of course I can help. I would also have been delighted to spend the day at her baby’s 1st birthday party. She and I truly are best friends though and would always put ourselves out to help each other if needed. I also love her company so it would be fun. It sounds as if you are acquaintances through time rather than true best friends from this post though. Maybe you have just grown apart or you don’t have a balanced friendship- in that case I would just say I am too busy and that I hope her move goes well.

You’d clean her house and do her gardening to be market ready for the fun of it? It’s hard work doing those things, back breaking in fact. Not my idea of free fun but I do get to do those things in my own house, unfortunately I don’t get a special lunch and bubbles with it. I’d love someone to come and do those things for me for free though, especially the garden.

Although the request is polite but it’s still kind of blunt and demanding, I would make excuses and not go maybe show up one day so couple of hours and that’s it .

Quite.

Nothing wrong with her asking and nothing wrong with you not wanting to do it.