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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What have I done..

141 replies

Colouringbooks · 04/07/2022 21:59

I’m seeing a man and recently he’s been quite distant/blowing hot and cold. I’ve questioned it a few times as I’d rather he communicate with me than leave me hanging. I haven’t seen him in a while and I needed to get it off my chest. He said ‘I’m not telling you again madam’ but then I just had to him a message explaining how I feel and then maybe we should just leave things. I said I didn’t want to but I said I feel like I’m more invested than he is and that I felt he was being distant.

He has read the message and not responded. I feel really stupid. I wish I didn’t send it but I’ve been questioning everything. Wondering where I stand. Things were not clear at all and I was fed up of being sat at home wondering what was happening.

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 04/07/2022 22:00

Delete and move on. Things shouldn’t be this hard / confusing when you’re just dating.

Unfortunately, as the film goes, he’s just not that in to you.

Yellownotblue · 04/07/2022 22:01

Block him and forget about him. He’s either an arse (who calls a date “Madam”? So condescending) or he’s just not that into you. Possibly both.

AllFreeOwls · 04/07/2022 22:10

Block and move on. You're an option to him and unfortunately not one he sounds invested in.

ManateeFair · 04/07/2022 22:10

There is absolutely nothing confusing here: he just doesn’t give a shit about your feelings. He’s just stringing you along and getting an ego trip out of it. I doubt you’re the only woman he’s doing this to, either.

BlueSuffragette · 04/07/2022 22:10

Don't waste your time OP. It shouldn't be this difficult. Move on.

carefullycourageous · 04/07/2022 22:12

Just move on. Pretend he has moved to Mars, block him, spend a weekend being upset then move on. He sounds like a twat.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/07/2022 22:13

Good grief, op. Stop chasing someone who clearly doesn't give a shit. Time to move on.

Nugg · 04/07/2022 22:13

I hate that you said what have I done wrong. Why does it have to be you he sounds like a fucking arsehole and you are well rid

decayingmatter · 04/07/2022 22:15

Never message him again.

RavenousBugblatter · 04/07/2022 22:15

Oh, I know this one - what you did wrong was to choose an emotionally unavailable fuckwit who thinks it's fine to call a woman madam in a condescending way.

Block and move on 🙂.

spotcheck · 04/07/2022 22:16

How long hadn’t you seen him for?

Doesn’t matter though- you have different levels of communication needs

LilyMarshall · 04/07/2022 22:16

AllFreeOwls · 04/07/2022 22:10

Block and move on. You're an option to him and unfortunately not one he sounds invested in.

This. Dont wait for crumbs.

butterfly990 · 04/07/2022 22:31

While you are chasing him you are in the back foot.

The moment you ignore him and get on with having a fabulous life he will be wondering what he is missing out on. You will then be too busy to even remember what you thought you needed but didn't. Make room for someone who appreciates you.

Original poster
Colouringbooks · 04/07/2022 22:35

Thank you all. For some reason I sit there and think ‘have I said or done something wrong?’ and then I sit and wait for him to contact me and feel rubbish when he doesn’t. It’s like my happiness relies on his level of contact/affection which I know is ridiculous and I don’t know why I am being like this.

I last saw him a week ago but he has been making excuses not to see me.

only a few days ago he was calling me ‘his little princess’ but the last couple of days it’s like he couldn’t care less.

OP posts:
Original poster
Colouringbooks · 04/07/2022 22:36

Everything is on his terms. For example if I ask to see him he will say hopefully or maybe but when he wants to see me it’s always on the day. He won’t make plans ahead of time

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 04/07/2022 22:36

Princess? Bleurgh. Time to move on for that alone.

CherrySocks · 04/07/2022 22:38

You did the right thing. He hasn't responded because you are right and there's nothing for him to say.

He sounded very patronising (calling you madam and refusing to discuss matters sensibly).

You're not stupid and things are clear.

He didn't deserve to be in a relationship with you and you have ended it.

Get on with your life and enjoy yourself.

lospolloshermanosass · 04/07/2022 22:39

Bin this cunt with his patronising pet names.

007DoubleOSeven · 04/07/2022 22:40

He called you "madam" ?!

Jeez. All you've done is uncover him as the pr*ck he is.

Move on!

Mother87 · 04/07/2022 22:43

lospolloshermanosass · 04/07/2022 22:39

Bin this cunt with his patronising pet names.

This. Now.

LoudingVoice · 04/07/2022 22:47

Take control of this situation, he’s a dick - just block him and forget about his nonsense.

DramaAlpaca · 04/07/2022 22:49

Madam? Princess? Urgh. Patronising git. Get rid.

Windypants21 · 04/07/2022 22:52

He is messing with your head and it's working. He is not a nice person to you now, and he definitely wont be nice to you in the future , in fact worse. Be kind to yourself dont write any further messages or respond if he does to you. See him as a manipulator who is abusing you, that is what he is doing. Get as far away from him as possible ....nobody deserves this kind of treatment.

Alliswells · 04/07/2022 22:55

Block, delete and forget ... In that exact order. He's a knob

shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 04/07/2022 23:10

I balked, I'm so sorry little princess🤢
Madam??

What a bell end