Colleague offered help to a man friend and told inappropriate

[lunavista]

Ok so my colleague (work friend) told me this story in total mortification and I am trying to help.

She has a male family friend she has known for ages. He's married with a child. His wife is travelling to see her dying mother and he's staying back with their child. They often text to say hello etc and when she heard about his wife, she offered to come over for the weekend and help with the child. He then told her that it would be inappropriate for him to have a woman that's not related to him stay at his home in his wife's absence. She is absolutely mortified and doesn't know how to respond. I a personally think he's been a muppet. I asked if she has a good relationship with the wife and she said she doesn't think she approves of their friendship. My colleague is single if that's relevant .

I honestly can't see a problem with her offer. AIBU?

Wow.

IF this is real, someone needs to have a serious chat with your friend about boundaries. She seriously over stepped the mark. As well as being totally inappropriate her offer of “help” was insulting.
She will probably find that the “texts to say hello” will dry up considerably after this.

It was inappropriate of your friend to send that message. The father should be capable of looking after his own child, and the last thing he needs while his wife is visiting a sick relative is a house guest. She should have just said something like “let me know if I can help with anything”.

OMG wow. I just did a quick read. I feel like an idiot.

I didn't for one second think there was anything inappropriate about offering help. I just thought 'why wouldn't you take help offered to you by a friend during a hard time?' I think the thing is that o think of my colleague as a lovely helpful person who is generous with her time and it didn't occur to me to put two ad two together as you all have! To those asking, yes I am single. Is that a factor?

To those asking if this is a reverse, I don't know what a reverse means in this case, but I was just trying to show her that she has nothing to worry about. Now I have to find another approach.

I will go eat my humble pie in the corner.

Mortified? What a strange reaction to a grown man not wanting a single female colleague staying overnight in his house while his wife is away, are you the "colleague".

"Trying to help" op?

How? What help does your friend need? She offered (inappropriately) and was turned down, the end.

Clearly bs.

She is my colleague and his family friend. Hence why I thought innocent ...

There's so much wrong with this.

She has zero boundaries

She actually think she can mind a child better than their parent

She doesn't realise his wife has enough to be dealing with at the moment without wondering why there's another women in her house

Professionally, she lacks the aware of what her colleagues would think of her moving in with her married colleagues

The "friend" piece doesn't ring true on this for me. Are you sure it's not a reverse or you are indeed the "friend"?

My first thought.

I find it really weird and off the scale inappropriate for her to offer that and would assume she fancied him. She needs to butt right out of his personal life, he's a married colleague, FFS.

I would be seriously creeped out if a male colleague said the same thing.

I had a childhood friend (male) and when he got married I became friends with his wife as well, I was a single parent. I became godparent to their children. My parents and their parents were close friends as well. Basically, we were close as platonic friends can be. They helped me through a lot of personal turmoil and I helped them with endless babysitting and pet setting.

I would not have dreamed of offering to move in to the home in similar circumstances to "your friend", it just wouldn't have occurred to me because regardless of how close we were it is inappropriate and unnecessary.

You and your colleague have appalling judgement. I can't imagine how the both of you thought this "offer" was in any way appropriate.

OK op assuming she meant sleeping in the spare room etc, why would she think he needed help? Doesn't she see how patronising it is to offer to move in to care for a child because he's a man on his own?

You have to question why, if the colleague is a “family friend” who has known him “ages” his wife is uncomfortable with the friendship.

Bingo.

She offered to move in with him while his wife was away? Basically take her place for the weekend. God yes that's fucking weird. Is she normally this full on? Most people would just fire off a 'give me a shout if you need anything' text, not move themselves into the house 🤣

What rubbish

The woman and man aren't colleagues, they're friends.

The woman and op are colleagues.

Yeah she was the inappropriate one, sorry.

Nice of her to offer if she didn't mean anything more by it, but I can see why and how it was taken the wrong way. If a single female friend of my husband's, who I didn't like, offered to stay at our house when I wasn't there, I would think that was dodgy.

This!I would be highly insulted that the offer had been made.

The fact that she is mortified, suggests she feels like she' made a move and it has been rejected. And I think this is what she has done.
Who on earth offers to move into a man's house while his wife is away for absolutely no reason? (Helping with his kid - my arse!) Sounds as if the wife has already seen right through your friend and now her husband has too.

I agree with this.
She could perhaps offer to meet up in a park if he wanted to get out the house or something or go shopping for him.

It is a bit odd she thinks he can't look after the kids by himself though? Unless there's a backstory there?

This must be made up! Or you're the wife and he actually agreed to her coming and can't understand why you object. Obviously it would inappropriate

She is absolutely mortified and doesn't know how to respond.

"Sorry for being a sexist prick and assuming you can't look after your own child"?

I would be offended if someone implied I needed help parenting my child, first of all.
Second - yes of course it's inappropriate if his wife already doesn't like her. His wife is with her dying mother, and your friend basically used it as an opportunity to go hang out with him in his marital home.
"Let me know Is there's anything I can do" - absolutely fine.
"Shall I come over to yours to help whilst your wife is away?" - translation, I'll come take her place, with her husband and baby whilst her mum is dying.

Your friend may not have intended it to come across this way, but If I was his wife, and a woman I already thought was pushing boundaries jumped at the chance to invite herself over whilst I was away? I would be on the warpath.