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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Colleague offered help to a man friend and told inappropriate

407 replies

lunavista · 03/07/2022 11:42

Ok so my colleague (work friend) told me this story in total mortification and I am trying to help.

She has a male family friend she has known for ages. He's married with a child. His wife is travelling to see her dying mother and he's staying back with their child. They often text to say hello etc and when she heard about his wife, she offered to come over for the weekend and help with the child. He then told her that it would be inappropriate for him to have a woman that's not related to him stay at his home in his wife's absence. She is absolutely mortified and doesn't know how to respond. I a personally think he's been a muppet. I asked if she has a good relationship with the wife and she said she doesn't think she approves of their friendship. My colleague is single if that's relevant .

I honestly can't see a problem with her offer. AIBU?

OP posts:
beautyisthefaceisee · 03/07/2022 22:00

Somethingsnappy · 03/07/2022 21:36

In that you are escalating the debate by alluding to language or ideas that were never present (at least as far as I saw/understood). I never saw anything written about not allowing his spouse any friends.

Did you read his posts? he has said several times there will be no need for friends for either of them because each other are enough.

beautyisthefaceisee · 03/07/2022 22:01

JamesDUNN · 03/07/2022 21:58

It is the ultimate expression of trust, it is healthy and may not be normal...but it should.

No, trust is letting them live their lives knowing they are being respectful to you. What you are doing is not trust.

But I'm leaving it there, this thread has become about you and it isn't.

JamesDUNN · 03/07/2022 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RenegadeMatron · 03/07/2022 22:10

Who cares what @JamesDUNN and his wife get up to? Confused

It’s irrelevant, boring, and derailing the thread.

Icecreamsodaloda · 03/07/2022 22:14

RenegadeMatron · 03/07/2022 22:10

Who cares what @JamesDUNN and his wife get up to? Confused

It’s irrelevant, boring, and derailing the thread.

True, but I really want to know how he would "doll" himself up if he did go for the hypothetical dinner with a college, I've never heard of a man doing this, how would that look, break out the pomade and brylcream?

JamesDUNN · 03/07/2022 22:20

Yes, and change out of the usual rubbish clothes that men wear. Alas, she will never know.

beautyisthefaceisee · 03/07/2022 22:21

This reply has been deleted

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We all think it's ridiculous! Why are you pretending you're the only one who thinks that!

JamesDUNN · 03/07/2022 22:21

Well, you are the renegade after all...hope you never have to look after my wife and I. Sounds very scary...

JamesDUNN · 03/07/2022 22:22

Well that ridicule could be ponted at you and judging from others comments to you, it would seem that you indeed are.

JamesDUNN · 03/07/2022 22:24

I thought you were going away to your exciting 'free' life of friends, exes, husbands, wife and anyone that hase a pulse life?

beautyisthefaceisee · 03/07/2022 22:24

JamesDUNN · 03/07/2022 22:22

Well that ridicule could be ponted at you and judging from others comments to you, it would seem that you indeed are.

You're quite a funny little troll really.

RenegadeMatron · 03/07/2022 22:26

Please just ignore him, especially if you think he’s a troll 🙏 how hard is it?

beautyisthefaceisee · 03/07/2022 22:27

RenegadeMatron · 03/07/2022 22:26

Please just ignore him, especially if you think he’s a troll 🙏 how hard is it?

Given that hes just implied I'm a slag, quite difficult!

RenegadeMatron · 03/07/2022 22:28

What does it matter what some non-entity thinks….?

goosed · 03/07/2022 22:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the user.

Somethingsnappy · 03/07/2022 22:40

@beautyisthefaceisee Although I thought your 'abusive and controlling' comment seemed a little extreme (though I may have missed some posts), I'm beginning to regret defending that poster. He's starting to get a bit, er, carried away...

Somethingsnappy · 03/07/2022 22:41

@

NippyWoowoo · 03/07/2022 22:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the request of the user.

I was going to say her friend watches to many Lifetime movies. They're the same type of ones 😂

Of course, in the end, the woman becomes crazed and slowly starts taking over the wife's life, wearing her clothes etc, then tries to get rid of her so that she can become the new woman in this amazing man's life and live happily ever after

beautyisthefaceisee · 03/07/2022 22:47

Somethingsnappy · 03/07/2022 22:40

@beautyisthefaceisee Although I thought your 'abusive and controlling' comment seemed a little extreme (though I may have missed some posts), I'm beginning to regret defending that poster. He's starting to get a bit, er, carried away...

It probably was, but hopefully now you see the context.

Somethingsnappy · 03/07/2022 22:55

beautyisthefaceisee · 03/07/2022 22:47

It probably was, but hopefully now you see the context.

Quite!

SheepingStandingUp · 04/07/2022 01:06

JamesDUNN · 03/07/2022 21:02

"Most of us"....I refute that. Stop hiding behind mythical numbers. ALL of the people that I have in my circle feel the same. My wife would not want it and I do not want it.

This thread has started because the husband has a female friend. AND, his wife is not happy about it to boot. I stand with her on this. He should not have a friend like that because things like this....the subject of the thread...happen!

So in your circle of friends, none of your male friends have any female friends because women are for sex only? And vice versa men are only for sex.

What if your friends are gay?

SheepingStandingUp · 04/07/2022 01:09

JamesDUNN · 03/07/2022 21:25

Let us imagine a hypothetical situation. I am working with a colleague on a project, she is single.

After concluding our project at work, she asks of I would like to have dinner together to celebrate thr success if the work.

That would entail my wife being at home looking after our youngest while I get dolled up to have dinner with another woman.

No, no, no! I would decline, because my wife deserves better than that. No matter how well intentioned, it just does not feel right.

Why would you get dolled up? Who looks after the kids if you go out for a meal with a male colleague? If it's your wife, surely your wife deserves better that!

SheepingStandingUp · 04/07/2022 01:11

JamesDUNN · 03/07/2022 21:58

It is the ultimate expression of trust, it is healthy and may not be normal...but it should.

Not being around other women in case you Il unintentionally have sex with them? That's how v you show trust? Don't worry darling, I'd never cheat, after all I'd never be alone with a woman. Not I wouldn't cheat because iim not a dick, but because there will be no opportunity isn't trust. Its the opposite!

JamesDUNN · 04/07/2022 01:57

Oh lordy... it is not about sex and trust. It is about sharing your life and experiences with that person. Why would I want to share my.life with anyone other than my partner and vice versa?

JamesDUNN · 04/07/2022 01:59

Oh lordy... it is not about sex and trust. It is about sharing your life and experiences with that person. Why would I want to share my.life with anyone other than my partner and vice versa?