Colleague offered help to a man friend and told inappropriate

[lunavista]

Ok so my colleague (work friend) told me this story in total mortification and I am trying to help.

She has a male family friend she has known for ages. He's married with a child. His wife is travelling to see her dying mother and he's staying back with their child. They often text to say hello etc and when she heard about his wife, she offered to come over for the weekend and help with the child. He then told her that it would be inappropriate for him to have a woman that's not related to him stay at his home in his wife's absence. She is absolutely mortified and doesn't know how to respond. I a personally think he's been a muppet. I asked if she has a good relationship with the wife and she said she doesn't think she approves of their friendship. My colleague is single if that's relevant .

I honestly can't see a problem with her offer. AIBU?

No, he doesn't, because he's not allowed to see any women. Duh.

Perhaps...but it works well for us...no buried insecurities (that we ALL have) coming to the surface. And no stupid offers to help with the children from 'colleagues'.

Do you work, James? Are you allowed to speak to female colleagues? What about females who serve you in a shop or a bar? is that OK or do you have to wear sunglasses so you can't see them?

Ironic that you mention insecurities. Do you not think banning each other from having friends of the same sex is insecure behaviour?

Incidentally, are you allowed friends who fancy the same sex?!

Ignore this poster

he was banned under a different name yesterday (the “My son has been excelled” thread) for sending me a threatening Pm.

ignore ignore ignore

(I have reported)

Call me whatever, but I am one of those men that give their wife the dignity of not looking at other women or having them as 'friends'.

Its called love, attraction and respect.

Perhaps that makes me a fuddy duddy?

Sorry James, i had engaged with you in light banter with your ridiculous views but now I'm afraid we must cease communication given the post above.

Not me, first time on here.

Yes.

There are too many similarities between the op and her "friend" - the complete unawareness of social norms and the over investment being just two of them .

Either that or none of this happened.

Your banter was childish and rude anyway. I must have touched a never somewhere.

This.

idk offer to make a lasagne and drop it off… don’t invite yourself to play mummy when actual mummy is tending to her dying mother.

It sounds like she was making a pass under the guise of helping with the child. A kind but extremely inappropriate offer… no one is so thick skinned that they didn’t see how that could be misconstrued. She knew. She’s now trying to save face.

It is not love or respect if it only works because you don't have friends of the opposite sex.

You have love and respect when you can have healthy friendships and your partner doesn't get jealous and resentful and doesn't accuse you of anything.

If your relationship only works as long as you don't have friendships with the opposite sex then your relationship doesn't work.

mumsnet HQ - he has just confirmed here that he has returned despite your banning last night

Two posts down
he confirms that he was that poster

he threatened me abs told me to “watch my back”

Mumsnet banned him

No, that was at me I think

I'm glad the man has some sense. I don't know how anyone could think it would be appropriate to go play families with someone else's husband and child while the wife/mother, who doesn't even like or trust you, is away to see their dying mother. Bonkers.

What is the point? Because I feel men have something to offer beyond being potential romantic partners. That i enjoy the company of my friends because of their individual personalities regardless of their sex.

You sound like a good, kind friend OP and you were completely right posting on this site. What is it for if not for getting other opinions and perspectives? It's striking how quickly you have seen this from a different point of view and advised your friend accordingly.

Your response to your friend was perfect. She doesn't have to text much back to the husband. Something like this would do -

Of course, no problem. I hope things go as well as they can for your wife's mother.

There's no need for her to get emotional or complicated about this. The best way forward is business.

No, that comment was at someone else. He actually said he is not the poster you accused him of being.

He might be. But you should have reported his post and written than in the private message with the report to MNHQ.

Accusing someone publicly of threatening you is really poor form. You don't know it was him. You don't make accusations like that when you can just report and mumsnet can check.

She would go completely out of her mind.

I* think *she’s already gone.

Literally too much drama keep your nose out

erm… yes, inappropriate to offer so much help as…

1)the wife doesn’t approve of the friendship

2. The dad can manage his child for a few days of more if he is left alone to cope.

3. I understand offering babysitting for a couple of hours but coming to help… she is right to be mortified but in her defence you can say she is single, probably child free and has reacted as if she was his mum or MIL rather than a friend.

Your mum (not you personally, anybody’s mum) can baby you if she wants to. Some random colleague, not so much.

Meh, I've got a male friend I'll be out all day with next week whilst DH has our kids. I won't be unintentionally falling on his penis, DH isn't insecure, he's never offered to move in with me. It's like we're.... Adults!! With control over what we do.

The friend 100% knew what she was up to, the over the top reaction is to try and get her defence in first.

If a female friend text me knowing my wife was away offering to stay over so she could help out, the only conclusion I'd reach is that she was trying it on.