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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Letting children out of sight at a park

204 replies

Bbqchicken · 03/07/2022 00:32

If you meet up with a group of friends and their children at a park within walking distance of your home, take picnics you have a lot of laughs play games drink etc. Would you let your primary school age children go off out of sight while you sit chatting with friends into the evening? AIBU to think it's irresponsible? If I did that and anything happened to my child age 7/8 I'd never forgive myself.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Confuzzled19 · 03/07/2022 00:42

No I wouldn’t do this. I see lots of people doing it without any worry but I find it difficult to do. My child wouldn’t like it either.

42isthemeaning · 03/07/2022 00:44

Definitely not

TeapotTitties · 03/07/2022 00:44

It depends entirely on the children, the park, the area and whether they have phones etc.

The replies you get here will vary wildly.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 03/07/2022 00:45

Year 4 walk to school themselves in our area so it seems to be about right.

TeapotTitties · 03/07/2022 00:46

And you've mentioned drink so someone will be along to call them alcoholics shortly.

Cuwins · 03/07/2022 00:46

7/8 no I don't think I would, 10/11 then yes if it's a decent area and well light park, also if child is sensible and ready for that.

HelloBunny · 03/07/2022 00:46

Not sure. I’d like my child to have the kind the kind of independence that I had at that age. We were out all the time. Our mothers were at home. I thrived on doing my own thing. But, life is very different nowadays...

Clymene · 03/07/2022 00:47

7/8 year olds will be playing hide and seek and tag in the trees and bushes won't they?

They would in our local park.

Cuwins · 03/07/2022 00:50

Clymene · 03/07/2022 00:47

7/8 year olds will be playing hide and seek and tag in the trees and bushes won't they?

They would in our local park.

Fair point I guess I was thinking further away out of sight.

Original poster
Bbqchicken · 03/07/2022 00:53

I understand the walk to and from school, Year 6 seems to be about the norm in this area to walk to and from school alone we are city suburbs, age 7/8 we are talking year 3 and 8.30pm onwards at night. I know its light later but it's just seems risky.

I'm not talking kids playing out the front of your house where you keep watch either but a large park 15 min walk from your house you would not know 99% of the other people there.

OP posts:
1000yellowdaisies · 03/07/2022 00:54

Definitely not and even thinking about my DD age 6 disappearing off in public is giving me anxiety. Have fun with your friends but keep your kids in your line of sight

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 03/07/2022 00:54

At 7/8 I’d have no problem with that. As it is, I’ve got 3 DCs, 5, 3 and 1. At the park I tend to focus on the younger two, because they’re the most likely to get hurt if I’m not watching them like a hawk. I try to be aware of the general area my eldest is in, and I keep half an eye on the park exits out of sheer paranoia, but the reality is there is just no way to watch 3 kids simultaneously (2 is hard enough!). Thankfully my eldest has proven herself to be pretty trustworthy, even coming to find me if she sees another kid doing something unsafe.

As PP said, many 8-year-olds walk to school by themselves (or go to the park by themselves - there was another thread about that today!). I don’t think it’s irresponsible to not be watching an 8yo every moment of every day, as long as it’s a quiet neighbourhood, with no open bodies of water, and a reasonably sensible child.

TeapotTitties · 03/07/2022 00:55

But the parents are in the actual park too aren't they?

Or have I misunderstood?

TeapotTitties · 03/07/2022 00:59

You see the thing is OP everyone parents differently and they tend to parent with their own kid's personalities/capabilities in mind.

So if you wouldn't choose this for your own child that's absolutely fine.

However, judging parents for making a different choice to you is not fine and it comes across as kind of petty.

Is there a reason you needed to start a thread calling other parents irresponsible? Does it make you feel better about your own choices?

Because it really shouldn't. Just have faith in your own parenting and let others have faith in theirs.

Original poster
Bbqchicken · 03/07/2022 00:59

Yes this is not a small park. This is a large park with a huge pond large grand old house. Parking for 100 + cars

OP posts:
Original poster
Bbqchicken · 03/07/2022 01:15

TeapotTitties · 03/07/2022 00:55

But the parents are in the actual park too aren't they?

Or have I misunderstood?

Yes they are but this is not a small park. This is a large park with a huge pond, large grand old house, bandstand. Parking for 100 + cars lots of trees no clear line of sight.

OP posts:
Youhaveyourhandsfull · 03/07/2022 01:29

Not sure what your Bu is. I let my 9 year old go to the park on her own. I don’t for my 7 year old. Would I watch like a hawk/other keenly sighted bird if I was there? No. But it’s fine if you would, and it’s fine if other parents wouldn’t.
so your actual question is ‘can I judge other parents for having a different view to my own’.
No, you can’t/shouldn’t. Worry about your own kids and let your friends worry about theirs.

Itsnot · 03/07/2022 01:32

Is it Heaton park?
No I wouldn’t

Original poster
Bbqchicken · 03/07/2022 01:33

I understand your point and I am not judging their parenting, infact they are very good parents and the children are lovely and caring and they certainly could teach me a few things. However, it doesn't mean that I agree it is a responsible thing to do as a parent at that age (year 3) at that time of night 8-9pm.

It is not petty to ask the question, I am not looking for others to cast judgement on their parenting. Is it a responsible thing to do? Personally I think not but AIBU? That is the whole point of the thread.

OP posts:
Roselilly36 · 03/07/2022 01:48

No I wouldn’t, I never let my DS’ out of my sight, when they were little. Not worth the risk, I always kept them safe.

allboysherebutme · 03/07/2022 01:55

No. X

TeapotTitties · 03/07/2022 10:40

Bbqchicken · 03/07/2022 01:33

I understand your point and I am not judging their parenting, infact they are very good parents and the children are lovely and caring and they certainly could teach me a few things. However, it doesn't mean that I agree it is a responsible thing to do as a parent at that age (year 3) at that time of night 8-9pm.

It is not petty to ask the question, I am not looking for others to cast judgement on their parenting. Is it a responsible thing to do? Personally I think not but AIBU? That is the whole point of the thread.

You absolutely are judging their parental decisions and inviting others to do so, publicly here.

You know your own kids and they know theirs. Making different decisions to you doesn't automatically make them irresponsible.

They obviously have faith in their own parenting decisions, it's time you had faith in yours and then the opinions of internet strangers wouldn't matter to you.

flutterbybabycakes · 03/07/2022 10:53

No because someone could take them or do something to them. This happens. It's not something I'm willing to risk because my child is the most valuable thing in the world to me. It simply isn't the case for some.

AppleKatie · 03/07/2022 10:59

At that time of night no.

within a limited area not near water in the middle of the afternoon yes.

MintJulia · 03/07/2022 11:02

If they can be relied on to stick together then yes.

Otherwise, no.