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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To insist on a new kitchen and insist he pays for it?

320 replies

alittlecroquetta · 02/07/2022 20:24

Hi all.

Reasons why we need a new kitchen:

  • we moved here nearly 9 years ago and first thing we said was new kitchen.
  • it's over 20yrs old and starting to look really worn. 3 doors almost hanging off. Holes in the lino. Dishwasher packed up 3 weeks ago.
  • can't get new dishwasher as it's 20+ years old, discontinued and built-in. DP not taking his turn doing the dishes like he said he would. I've done the dishes 19 days to his 2 days. I hate doing dishes. I think now is the time to finally invest in this new kitchen we've spoken about for years.

Why I think he should pay:

  • we had a joint savings account since we moved in together. 3/4 of that was money I saved from my salary (I'm the higher earner) and 1/4 was a remortgage.
  • I pay the mortgage and every other bill apart from council tax which he pays.
  • we hit a rough patch at the start of the pandemic and nearly split up. I took MN advice and took half the money from the savings account. We've since got back together but we haven't put the money back into the savings account.
  • my half has dwindled significantly due to the rising cost of living. Prices of everything going up. I had to buy a new car because we were using his car but when we split obviously he took it and I needed a car for work. I've had to dip into the savings to cover the bills. I've told him numerous times that I was into my overdraft and I need us to split the bills proportionately to our wages. It has fell on deaf ears.

When I raised the new kitchen again today he said we are not in a financial position to get a new kitchen because I can't contribute to half of the cost. I said my "half" has been swallowed up by bills and just because the remainder of the savings are in his account it doesn't make them "his because I provided most/all of it. He said I was the one who chose to split the money when we almost split.

AIBU?

OP posts:
IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 03/07/2022 22:34

This is a very long thread OP, with many posts from you, yet the definitive answer was given in the very first reply (and many following): "Replace your partner. He's shit."

So what do you think about that?

Threetulips · 03/07/2022 23:07

So you’ve paying all the bills etc for 9 years and then he’ll leave and take half? Is that what you want? You’ll lose the house anyway!

Better to cut your losses and get rid of him and get a lodger who pays rent.

Mummyofmaniacs · 04/07/2022 00:06

Don't waste your time or your money. Why do you think he will change?

Justanotherlittlename · 03/10/2022 20:24

@alittlecroquetta how’s it going x

Darbs76 · 03/10/2022 20:26

Why is he not paying half the mortgage and other bills?

WakeUpandMakeUp · 16/10/2022 18:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

alittlecroquetta · 16/10/2022 18:55

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 03/07/2022 22:34

This is a very long thread OP, with many posts from you, yet the definitive answer was given in the very first reply (and many following): "Replace your partner. He's shit."

So what do you think about that?

Reposted with the correct username Grin

I have ditched the partner because he is shit.

OP posts:
Brigante9 · 16/10/2022 19:05

alittlecroquetta · 16/10/2022 18:55

Reposted with the correct username Grin

I have ditched the partner because he is shit.

You’ve seen the light. He clearly couldn’t care less about you. I couldn’t cope with someone so passive. Good for you!

XanaduKira · 17/10/2022 00:30

Wow - well done Op for getting rid of him Op!

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/10/2022 02:34

Good for you!!

Going to take a guess here though that he has spent the time since painting himself as the poor hard done to "victim"......as they always do when they realise that they are being kicked off the gravy train!

Pearshaped20 · 17/10/2022 03:09

Oh this sounds familiar. We lived together in a house for 12 years... The dishwasher never worked wasn't ever replaced. I had the tiniest fridge known to man for our family. The freezer was in the garage awful when raining and i paid out way more than him on bills and my son whilst he saved. I now love my own little house with my son. Just us 2. Still no dishwasher 😂 but I'm not bothered anymore lol

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/10/2022 03:24

Congratulations op! I’m so glad you’ve got rid of him. What are you doing about the house? Is he willing to not take 50/50? I’m presuming that he will want his pound of flesh.

Goosygandy · 17/10/2022 03:41

I'm so pleased OP. I remember reading this when you posted the first time. Don't get lured back though.

mumofninetofive · 17/10/2022 03:43

I'm just in awe anyone actually goes along in life following advice from MN forum posters 😂

Your now X might not have been the one for you but living your life according to the baying crowd on here is a first for me. Seriously OP you need to get advice from a better source in the future.

alotoftutus · 17/10/2022 03:56

Woo I'm glad you got rid of him! Hope you took a chunk of the rest of the savings with you! What happened with the house? I bet he thinks he's entitled to 50% of it 🤦🏽‍♀️

KangFang · 17/10/2022 04:03

Cocklodger.
Turf him out and then do the kitchen.

PeppaPigsBonnet · 17/10/2022 04:37

I have ditched the partner because he is shit.

Good job !

Now don't let yourself get sucked back in again with his vague promises.

Sestriere · 17/10/2022 06:24

I’m glad you’ve got rid OP, the only way is up.

how’s life for you now? What about the house?, where is he? Did you get the job?

sending you good wishes 💐

ememem84 · 17/10/2022 06:30

alittlecroquetta · 02/07/2022 23:04

My response is "well, something has to give because I can't carry on like this" he says ok fine we'll speak about it at the weekend. Weekend comes, I'm tired from work, conversation doesn't happen, then before I know it it's time to pay the bills again. Sad

Ah yes. The weekend. I know that one. DH is a fab of talking at “the weekend” when in reality he knows that we’ll be too busy to do it/too tired/too whatever.

RonSwansonsChair · 17/10/2022 06:36

Good update, well done 👏

newfence · 17/10/2022 06:38

Oh well done, I have read the whole thread and am happy to see this outcome! What happened with the house etc? How did you get him to leave? Very pleased for you! 😀

ememem84 · 17/10/2022 06:44

Whoops. Posted before I read the data of the post I quoted.

nice update though op!

bloodyeverlastinghell · 17/10/2022 06:52

Aquamarine1029 · 02/07/2022 20:26

Replacing the kitchen is the least of your troubles.

Replace your partner. He's shit.

This

diddl · 17/10/2022 06:58

Hurray!

Bet you are much happier!

RedHelenB · 17/10/2022 07:09

First thing I'd be onto an estate agent ro carry out a valuation of the house. If he won't leave then you'll have to. Tell the utility companies that you've moved out, he'll have to put the bills in his name.