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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you 'have it all' and are you happy for it?

135 replies

TheLostNights · 02/07/2022 19:18

By that I mean:

  1. A good and happy marriage or relationship
  2. Children
  3. Nice home
  4. Good job which pays well
  5. Opportunity to spend time with kids as flexible working
  6. Lots of friends and good social life
  7. Close to family
OP posts:
DazzlePaintedBattlePants · 02/07/2022 19:22

I have most of that (I moved away from family for Uni and never went back) and yes, I am happy. Not singing Von Trapp style happy but I am content with my lot and am changing or accepting the things I am not happy about. I have v flexible working but still find evenings a PITA as we have to cram dinner/music practice/ reading / times tables into about 2 hrs on working days and I hate that but that won’t last forever.

I am certainly a damn sight happier than I would be had I even one less of those things on your list.

partypineapple · 02/07/2022 19:23

Yes I have all that and am very happy and know I am very lucky.

TokyoSushi · 02/07/2022 19:23

I have pretty much all of that and know how lucky I am. It certainly makes life easier but I don't take it for granted.

Lalosalamanca · 02/07/2022 19:23

To be happy is not to have it all. It is to be content with what you have. I think the idea of having it all is a myth.

MiniMoosey · 02/07/2022 19:24

Yes and things are just getting better and better. I love my life, I’m very happy.

FunDragon · 02/07/2022 19:24

I don’t have number 7, but that’s because my family live quite a way away and they aren’t great.

I have all the others and I am very happy but I find it challenging to maintain a balance that I’m happy with if that makes sense.

AgentProvocateur · 02/07/2022 19:25

Yes, although my children are grown up and I now work overseas. I am happy, and the thing that makes me happiest (apart from my children) is having lots of very good friends. I consider myself very lucky to ‘have it all’.

Hoppinggreen · 02/07/2022 19:25

Yes and yrs
I have been happy with a lot less as well though

YellowHpok · 02/07/2022 19:26

Yes I absolutely have it all. I am very fortunate and I 100% know this.

However I am still permanently knackered and my MH can sometimes dip a bit low. I find it hard to keep the plates spinning IYKWIM.

NugsNotDrugs · 02/07/2022 19:27

I have most of that and I am generally very happy.
I do suffer from clinical depression and a chronic pain condition but most of the time I’m the happiest person in the room.
I was happy before my life was as good as it is now though.

PriamFarrl · 02/07/2022 19:27

I don’t have 2 or 7 but I’m happy.

YellowHpok · 02/07/2022 19:29

I would add that we don't present as some magically clean boden catalogue family. I'm more often seen in the Isle of shite in aldi trying to prise a tantrums toddler away from the latest bargain. So it is possible to have it all and still look like a harried fish wife.

karmakameleon · 02/07/2022 19:29

I have most of that. First five I definitely have.

The close friends and good social life goes in peaks and troughs as between kids and work I may not see them for a while.

My family has its own particular issues (when people moan about their difficult relationships with their parents, my story always wins!) but equally I’m close to siblings, cousins etc.

HerRoyalHappiness · 02/07/2022 19:30

From the outside looking in I had it all. Truth was very different.
I'm much happier now as a disabled single mum to 3 on benefits than I was a working mother doing 50 hour weeks to bring in the money, still doing the mental load with the kids and being abused by my ex.
Now I'm

  1. Single but happy
  2. 3 amazing kids who astound me every day with their brilliance.
  3. A nice ish home. Needs redecorating but no cash to do so. But I like our little house.
  4. Benefits (disability and single parent) so not much but we survive
  5. Spend loads of time with the kids.
  6. A few very close friends, who I wouldn't be without.
  7. I'm extremely close to my mum. She's my carer and spends most of her time here with me helping me clean, get dressed, shower, take meds etc.

It's easy to look like you have it all but balancing it can be difficult. Not impossible though. Just do what makes you happy and forget what everyone thinks you 'should' have.

karmakameleon · 02/07/2022 19:31

karmakameleon · 02/07/2022 19:29

I have most of that. First five I definitely have.

The close friends and good social life goes in peaks and troughs as between kids and work I may not see them for a while.

My family has its own particular issues (when people moan about their difficult relationships with their parents, my story always wins!) but equally I’m close to siblings, cousins etc.

Just to add although generally I am happy, I’ve also suffered from clinical depression and always had issues with my mental health.

Lalosalamanca · 02/07/2022 19:31

Op can I ask...? Do you have all these things you listed and find that you aren't happy? Is that why you ask? X

Mellie555 · 02/07/2022 19:31

I have it all apart from 1, but actually being single makes me the happiest anyway! I don’t feel that ‘being in a relationship’ falls under ‘having it all’; for a lot of people, being single absolutely translates into having it all

I also don’t think we can ‘have it all’ all of our lives. Things happen, sadly. It’s possible for a period of time, but having it all is not usually a permanent state of life

RJnomore1 · 02/07/2022 19:32

I’ve got it all except 7 unfortunately but there’s not much I can do about that. I’m content. I’m mostly happy. Life is pretty good. It hadn’t always been like this though.

sammylady37 · 02/07/2022 19:40

I don’t have numbers 1 and 2, so therefore don’t have 5 either, but I don’t want them and as far as I’m concerned I do have it all. I’m very content with my lot in life.

DariaMorgendorffer · 02/07/2022 19:40

I think 'having it all' is very subjective, and not dependent on your list. While you list a fairly typical, popular group of things to tick off, I don't think it is the list for everyone. It is, for sure, the default list that many people often refer to when they ask single people when they'll marry, childless people when they're having children, renters when they'll own their own, and so on. Just musing here.

I don't have everything on your list, but I am very happy .

CMOTDibbler · 02/07/2022 19:49

I have 1-5 and am very happy. My parents are dead, so 7 isn't an issue as such, 6 I'm just rubbish at but do have plenty to do and see people.

anotherneutralname · 02/07/2022 19:52

I’ve got 6 out of 7 (not 1, because DH died). It hasn’t always been this way, and I don’t suppose some of them will last, so thank you for reminding me to appreciate them now. I’m mainly happy, yes - tired, and sometimes a bit overwhelmed, but fully aware I’m very fortunate.

tappitytaptap · 02/07/2022 19:54

I do and would say I'm generally happy with my lot in life, but I am exhausted and suffer with anxiety, and have just been signed off work for a month to rest and recover. So I'd say 'having it all' has had a downside for me, hopefully I can use this time to set myself up in a slightly more sustainable way.

DramaAlpaca · 02/07/2022 19:57

Most of the list, and yes I'm happy.

trilbydoll · 02/07/2022 19:58

Ye-es, except 6 (no time or energy!), it's a juggling act and DH more than pulls his weight. Tbh in this house if you want something doing you need to do it yourself, I'm not the default answer to everything (or indeed anything).

It definitely gets easier as the kids get bigger!