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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the most of the best men don't use dating apps?

167 replies

Heytheredeliah · 02/07/2022 13:57

I am actively trying online dating at the moment and most of the men on there are just rude and awful. The messages I get are weird or rude. The conversation sometimes starts off fine and then goes weird. I have met so many great guys in real life, but they always seem to have girlfriends or are married. They are handsome, kind , clever and have good careers.

When I go on dating apps, I just don't seem to find guys like that on there. I feel quite lonely and I would love to have a partner. I have been on so many awful dates with guys I have met online.

AIBU to think that the best men with lots going for them (good looks, kind, good job etc) are rare on dating apps?

OP posts:
DillonPanthersTexas · 04/07/2022 21:20

maybe I'm just really fussy.

Nothing wrong with that!

Fuwari · 05/07/2022 10:47

Actually the last thing I want is someone who spends all their free time at the gym. You see that on a lot of profiles, men posing at the gym, showing off their bodies. It really puts me off. I’m middle aged with a little bit of spread. Not obese, but not obsessed with keeping a youthful body. I want someone the same. Someone who can enjoy the odd pizza and a glass of wine without bleating on about how many calories it is! I found those who are gym obsessed to really not have much else to talk about, it’s boring.

Original poster
Heytheredeliah · 05/07/2022 11:21

JenniferWooley · 04/07/2022 14:06

A quick lunchtime swipe through tinder produced the following:

a man who looks old enough to be my dad claiming to be my age

a man looking for his partner in crime (a phrase that instantly gets a left swipe)

a man looking for something long term but a FWB situation is fine if available

a man that looks like they need rehab (genuinely seen less jakey looking actual jakies)

a man whose pics are all groups so I no idea which one he is hoping it's the one with the beard but won't swipe right in case it's the geriatric with the walking frame

a man whose children are his 🌎 with obligatory pictures of said children (I'd expect them to be so not sure why the declaration is needed & pics of kids are a no no on a dating site in my book)

a man who is in the area for 48 hours & looking for a hook up

a man who is currently renovating a van to go on a murder spree touring the country

FFS no wonder I'd rather go to bed with a cup of tea & a good book!

I'm just looking for a decent guy, around my own age, that I find reasonably attractive, with a job, own house (doesn't even have to own it just not living with parents/friends in a bachelor pad), own car (been there done that with a non-driver & it was a nightmare) & wants to do normal shit like dinner, movies, days out, the odd weekend away etc

@JenniferWooley They seem very similar to the men I keep encountering on dating apps. This one guy wanted me to meet him at 2am after he had been to a party 🙄

OP posts:
Isis1981uk · 05/07/2022 11:28

I met my partner of 4 years on Tinder (handsome, kind , clever and has a good career) so it is possible! To be fair, he's a complete technophobe and was only on there because his single friend set up an account for him! He had barely used it & I was his very first match. His profile had one, very tiny, photo of the side of his head and I accidentally swiped right on him (he knows that) but it turned out to be the best mistake I ever made!

DdraigGoch · 05/07/2022 13:43

a man whose children are his 🌎 with obligatory pictures of said children (I'd expect them to be so not sure why the declaration is needed
@JenniferWooley
I bet that he's a Disney Dad who sees his children once a month because "his ex is mean". He'll take them for a fun day out, give them treats, but will opt out of the actual work involved in parenting.

DillonPanthersTexas · 05/07/2022 13:55

a man looking for his partner in crime (a phrase that instantly gets a left swipe)

In fairness I have seen plenty of women use this cliched phrase, as well as the dreaded 'I love a cozy night in on the sofa with a bottle of wine and a good DVD'

Never got the photos of men holding a large recently caught fish though.

SavoirFlair · 05/07/2022 13:56

DdraigGoch · 05/07/2022 13:43

a man whose children are his 🌎 with obligatory pictures of said children (I'd expect them to be so not sure why the declaration is needed
@JenniferWooley
I bet that he's a Disney Dad who sees his children once a month because "his ex is mean". He'll take them for a fun day out, give them treats, but will opt out of the actual work involved in parenting.

I need an entire sugarcube to offset the bitterness in this post 😄

SavoirFlair · 05/07/2022 13:57

DillonPanthersTexas · 05/07/2022 13:55

a man looking for his partner in crime (a phrase that instantly gets a left swipe)

In fairness I have seen plenty of women use this cliched phrase, as well as the dreaded 'I love a cozy night in on the sofa with a bottle of wine and a good DVD'

Never got the photos of men holding a large recently caught fish though.

Haha this 'cozy night in with a bottle of wine and a DVD' is sooooo true

Why do so many fellow women do this? Is it to seem approachable?

DillonPanthersTexas · 05/07/2022 14:04

Why do so many fellow women do this? Is it to seem approachable?

I think they probably mean it, in fairness who doesn't like a cozy romantic night in with a bottle of wine and good film, it's just a bit of cliché along with interests that include loving travel, eating out and 'laughing'.

DdraigGoch · 05/07/2022 14:24

SavoirFlair · 05/07/2022 13:56

I need an entire sugarcube to offset the bitterness in this post 😄

Show quote history

Not from me, I haven't got any kids. I just know the type (you see it a lot on here)

D0lphine · 05/07/2022 15:47

DillonPanthersTexas · 05/07/2022 13:55

a man looking for his partner in crime (a phrase that instantly gets a left swipe)

In fairness I have seen plenty of women use this cliched phrase, as well as the dreaded 'I love a cozy night in on the sofa with a bottle of wine and a good DVD'

Never got the photos of men holding a large recently caught fish though.

DVD?

It's not 1979.

DillonPanthersTexas · 05/07/2022 15:51

It's not 1979.

No, but if it was it would be a "cozy night in on the sofa with a bottle of wine and a good VHS/Betamax"

1VY · 05/07/2022 16:00

DdraigGoch · 05/07/2022 14:24

Not from me, I haven't got any kids. I just know the type (you see it a lot on here)

Show quote history

Right back at you @SavoirFlair Your misogyny is showing.

A man makes a general statement about life and he’s wise.

A woman makes a general statement about life and she’s sad and bitter Hmm.

DillonPanthersTexas · 06/07/2022 08:08

A man makes a general statement about life and he’s wise.

Since when 😂

Mellie555 · 06/07/2022 08:47

MinorWomensWhiplash1 · 02/07/2022 14:27

I’d step away from the apps for a bit OP if you’re feeling demoralised with it all.

Have you tried to expand your circle to meet more guys in real life - gym, running club or other hobby, ask friends to introduce you to eligible bachelors?

I know it’s really patronising and I used to hate ppl saying this to me but you’re so young and you have so many years ahead where you will be with a partner long term in all likelihood. The very best advice I have is to just get stuck into everything that interests you, build a life that is so great that with or without a man you will feel more fulfilled. That in itself is highly attractive so when someone decent does come along they can’t resist joining in with this life you have created.

”I know it’s patronising and used to hate peopel saying this to me but….’ And then you go ahead and say it anyway 🤦‍♀️

she will have heard the ‘go find a hobby’ thing a million times before from friends and the ‘build your best life’. All in likelihood she probably does all those things; contrary to popular belief, most single women don’t stay at him in their free time and cry into their coffee/wine

it’s really infuriating for people to give advice which makes assumptions that the single woman needs to try harder!!

Lifegoalsneeded · 06/07/2022 09:05

Keep going and you will be able to filter out the bad ones. I had some odd dates, but also good dates. Met some people who I had short relationships with and some who are good friends now.

currently met my partner on OlD and he is ace. No red flags and a good guy.

It’s a numbers game and very hard to met anyone in real life now. You will get good at the filtering.

1VY · 06/07/2022 18:10

DillonPanthersTexas · 06/07/2022 08:08

A man makes a general statement about life and he’s wise.

Since when 😂

In his head of course Wink

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