Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the most of the best men don't use dating apps?

167 replies

Heytheredeliah · 02/07/2022 13:57

I am actively trying online dating at the moment and most of the men on there are just rude and awful. The messages I get are weird or rude. The conversation sometimes starts off fine and then goes weird. I have met so many great guys in real life, but they always seem to have girlfriends or are married. They are handsome, kind , clever and have good careers.

When I go on dating apps, I just don't seem to find guys like that on there. I feel quite lonely and I would love to have a partner. I have been on so many awful dates with guys I have met online.

AIBU to think that the best men with lots going for them (good looks, kind, good job etc) are rare on dating apps?

OP posts:
HardTimesHarder · 02/07/2022 17:50

I was 19 when I met my partner OP. At my university everyone was on the dating apps. Most people were bad though, I saw lots from my course (veterinary) and other great courses like medicine. I ended up with an engineer.

More than 4 years in now and lived together for over 2 years. I loved tinder and thought it was exciting and funny and ultimately led to me meeting DP

HardTimesHarder · 02/07/2022 17:51

*most weren’t bad!

Stomacharmeleon · 02/07/2022 17:54

@user1471426477 judgmental much?

SummertimeTremdendous · 02/07/2022 17:56

Igotjelly · 02/07/2022 17:50

Met DH on OLD 10 years ago now. He’s definitely not the dregs 😂 at least to me anyway.

As others have said had to weed through the weirdos but it was worth it.

10 years ago or even 5 years ago is a lot different on dating apps than at present. I wonder whats gone wrong.

Survivingmy3yearold · 02/07/2022 17:58

I met DP online dating. I was thoroughly fed up with the weirdos and time wasters and very nearly didn't reply when he messaged. I'm very glad I did now as we've recently got engaged and have a DD. But I found the whole ordeal awful, and even when I met DP it took me a long time to trust that he wasn't just like all the others. I've always said that if it didn't work out for any reason (not that I don't think it will work but you never know what's around the corner) I'd never do OLD again

glamourousindierockandroll · 02/07/2022 18:04

In most cases, but there are some good ones. I would say most of the couples I know have met online (30s).

Basically, good people aren't on there for long so you've got to be strategic and play the game. It's like buying a house in a competitive market: if you're only checking it every few weeks, or focusing on one option at a time, you're not going to get anywhere.

user1471426477 · 02/07/2022 18:04

It's called a opinion dear.

Did I hit a nerve? If so there's some great tips in this thread!

Original poster
Heytheredeliah · 02/07/2022 18:10

InChocolateWeTrust · 02/07/2022 17:47

If you are just a young student, I'm surprised you are that desperate to find a bloke to resort to OLD really? I thought the whole point of university was you go with friends to wherever the student nights are on, you kiss enough frogs to find your prince?

I thought I would meet a guy at university, but as I said all of the best guys have usually a got a girlfriend. One of the guys at university kept flirting with me, but then I looked on his instagram and it turned out he had a girlfriend who lived a few hours away. I get chatting with guys and then they talk about their girlfriend.

OP posts:
glamourousindierockandroll · 02/07/2022 18:11

A reluctance to move from messaging to an actual phone call. I always insisted on speaking first before meeting. If you can't hold a conversation on the phone you will struggle in person.

I wouldn't have been interested in phone calls but I do agree that endless messaging is a bad sign. After some back and forth to introduce yourselves, there should be arrangements made for a low stakes date such as a coffee.

Some men that I used to talk to found that a bit forward but I wasn't interested in a pen pal.

NAMEchangeOUTOFembarrassment · 02/07/2022 18:17

InChocolateWeTrust · 02/07/2022 16:42

Also what men consider a really great woman, is very very different to what women consider a really great man

Oh, do tell, please!

What do men consider a great woman?

Original poster
Heytheredeliah · 02/07/2022 18:27

NAMEchangeOUTOFembarrassment · 02/07/2022 18:17

Oh, do tell, please!

What do men consider a great woman?

Show quote history

I was interested to know that too!

OP posts:
doadeer · 02/07/2022 18:36

At your age is that how people find partners? I met my DH at uni or people met at work... I only knew people used tinder for hookups in early 20s

VladmirsPoutine · 02/07/2022 18:44

I really do think it's a numbers game. I don't think you need to compromise on what you're looking for just so you meet someone because resentment lies that way.

PollenHigh · 02/07/2022 18:46

doadeer · 02/07/2022 18:36

At your age is that how people find partners? I met my DH at uni or people met at work... I only knew people used tinder for hookups in early 20s

I think work culture in a lot of places has changed. I wouldn’t dream of getting involved with anyone at work - don’t poo on your own doorstep and all that.

Original poster
Heytheredeliah · 02/07/2022 18:55

doadeer · 02/07/2022 18:36

At your age is that how people find partners? I met my DH at uni or people met at work... I only knew people used tinder for hookups in early 20s

Most of my friends meet guys in real life but I have not been able to, so I tried dating apps

OP posts:
jrc1071 · 02/07/2022 19:03

Based on what I’ve read, most men who can attach in a healthy way are usually in a relationship.

the duds tend to recycle back into the dating pool quickly as they can’t do relationship well

GrootUnforgiven · 02/07/2022 19:07

The pool of partners was shocking. I'd say 90 percent between 25-35 were Single Mums "not looking for fun"... Maybe they should of thought about that before having kids!

"Looking for fun" is what dating app code for just wants to fuck with no strings. Why on earth do you or your son think single mums shouldn't be looking for relationships. Do you think just because they've got children they're only good for sex now or something.

That's what not looking for fun means. If your doesn't wants someone with no children that's totally fine but if he shares the same shitty attitude as you I can see why he can't meet anyone.

He wants to To have FUN! To travel. To Experience new things. In Sense he wants to build a life with someone. Not pick up someone else's.

Ok good for him but that's not "fun" means in dating apps, does he not know that? He doesn't have to contact any woman with a child that's totally fine but you make it sounds like single parents shouldn't be on there and if your son is talking like that he'll be giving off incel vibes.

elenacampana · 02/07/2022 19:08

I did it on and off for about 5 years and it was hard work. It did work out for me though, almost 7 years, 1 husband and a baby girl later!

SafelySoftly · 02/07/2022 19:09

Unless you’re looking for a one night stand, early 20s far too young to be on a dating app. You’ve got ages before you need to settle down, meet men at parties/through friends/work or hobbies. I would presume most young men are just looking for sex

FluffyFluffMonster · 02/07/2022 19:12

@user1471426477 wow so much misogyny! Disgusting!!!!

GrootUnforgiven · 02/07/2022 19:12

Some men deliberately target single mums because they think they're desperate and easy to tick and then move on to the next one. I know three women in tinder who are single parents due to death of husband, being beat up by their child's dad and having to leave, and ending the marriage after their husband (ironically) was fucking women from tinder who had swiped on his "just looking for fun" profile.

There's nothing wrong with women having boundaries and leaving shit relationships, or clearly stating they aren't looking for fun to weed out the ones looking for no strings sex.

elenacampana · 02/07/2022 19:14

user1471426477 · 02/07/2022 17:19

My Son was on Tinder for a while but left.

To be honest I wish he would l settle down and was thought he was being fussy.... Till he showed me!

I agree with previous posters it's only the failures on there.

The pool of partners was shocking. I'd say 90 percent between 25-35 were Single Mums "not looking for fun"... Maybe they should of thought about that before having kids!

My Son owns his own house and company. He isnt looking to play step daddy to someone with multiply kids from different relationships.

He wants to To have FUN! To travel. To Experience new things. In Sense he wants to build a life with someone. Not pick up someone else's.

He doesn’t have to approach anyone with children then does he. The internet isn’t just for your son 😂

doadeer · 02/07/2022 19:14

@PollenHigh yeah maybe, I work in an industry where people move every year or two so maybe it's different. Tons of couples I know met this way. But obviously different if it's more a long term job for life.

elenacampana · 02/07/2022 19:15

user1471426477 · 02/07/2022 17:19

My Son was on Tinder for a while but left.

To be honest I wish he would l settle down and was thought he was being fussy.... Till he showed me!

I agree with previous posters it's only the failures on there.

The pool of partners was shocking. I'd say 90 percent between 25-35 were Single Mums "not looking for fun"... Maybe they should of thought about that before having kids!

My Son owns his own house and company. He isnt looking to play step daddy to someone with multiply kids from different relationships.

He wants to To have FUN! To travel. To Experience new things. In Sense he wants to build a life with someone. Not pick up someone else's.

He doesn’t have to approach anyone with children then does he. The internet isn’t just for your son 😂

SummertimeTremdendous · 02/07/2022 19:20

The pool of partners was shocking. I'd say 90 percent between 25-35 were Single Mums "not looking for fun"... Maybe they should of thought about that before having kids!

How strange. I don't even know ONE woman that age who is a single mother.

My Son owns his own house and company. He isnt looking to play step daddy to someone with multiply kids from different relationships.

Well, it would be pretty unusual to do so in your twenties...

I think most women would give a man looking for fun on a dating site a hard swerve though, as its a euphamisim for casual sex and sleeping around.