DillonPanthersTexas Any suggestions of high end Michelin star type restaurants as a first date
This will depend on your finances and on the social circles you move in. Amongst some of my friends, no-one would bat an eyelid at this. Many people prefer to eat at a top quality restaurant rather than a slightly cheaper less reliable one. I appreciate that some women might be looking for a free meal, but just agree to pay half in advance in that case?
I can afford to go to high end restaurants as do the circles I move in. For me first dates were a coffee or midweek drink somewhere, a low stake date as someone up thread phrased it, a pre date meeting if you will. I did not want a full dinner date first as to be blunt if it works out to be a poor match it can be a very long evening indeed. Also, despite all the 'let go Dutch' on a date folk on here the fact is that 'out there' there are a sizable number of women who still expect the bloke to pay for first dates even when OLD. If you are proactive with OLD it is not uncommon to have multiple dates in a short space of time, it can get quite expensive if you are not careful. If I am going to pick up the tab for a high end restaurant I would at least like to have met the person first and know that there is an initial connection/attraction and that there is a reasonable chance that the evening will be enjoyable. Just because I can afford to eat out at nice places it does not mean I prepared to throw money around because some person I have not yet met fancies going to Le Gavroche. I also kind of want the person I am dating to like me for who I am and not due to what swish restaurant I can take them to. If a potential date refuses to meet for a coffee and insists on an upmarket establishment that to me is not a great sign.
A reluctance to move from messaging to an actual phone call. I always insisted on speaking first before meeting. If you can't hold a conversation on the phone you will struggle in person.
Thankfully I only used OLD for 3 weeks and am not single, but a man I'd never met wanting my telephone number and insisting on grilling me over the phone would be a complete red flag. I don't even have phone conversations with my closest friends! Are you quite old? What a strange thing to say. Who uses the phone now? It sounds cringeworthy to do this with a complete stranger, whereas a coffee in a public place where you see all the nuances of facial expression and don't risked being stalked by a nutter who has access to your phone number is a much safer idea for women. tbh I'd be more of the opinion that any man who demanded my phone number and a phone conversation and refused to meet up in person wasn't discerning enough about the number of women they were chatting to and was likely to be a timewaster, and block him.
Who said anything about 'grilling' anyone on the phone or 'demanding' their number? It's a simple get to know each other chat. If they did not want to talk on the phone then no problem, I respected that and we went our separate ways. Also, they are not complete strangers either, you have by that stage swapped multiple emails/messages and are slowly getting a 'feel' for the other person. However, I found on a few occasions the woman I had been corresponding with did not match up with the person I met in real life. That funny, witty person in writing was in person introverted, shy and difficult to have a flowing conversation with. Crafting an interesting written message in your own time is quite different to having a live conversation. You can also pick up plenty of nuances and build a decent picture of someone on the phone. As others have pointed out, I did not want a pen friend yet some people seemed quite happy to spend weeks swapping emails without any real intention of meeting in person. Suggesting a chat on the phone, for me, helped weed out the timewasters. As for 'nutters' with your number, you just block them.
Suggestions of meeting at your house as a first date.
Do women actually do this as well? Who on earth would offer to go round to a complete strangers' house? Do they try and get payment for it? There were so many men suggesting it on OLD that I got seriously creeped out by it and stopped using it. Even having to listen to those suggestions was soul destroying.
I agree. And yes some women did suggest meeting for a date at either my or their homes. It freaked me out as well and I declined.
Anyway, these are just 'my rules' and they have served me well. Others will have their own boundaries and rules.