to think the most of the best men don't use dating apps?

[Heytheredeliah]

I am actively trying online dating at the moment and most of the men on there are just rude and awful. The messages I get are weird or rude. The conversation sometimes starts off fine and then goes weird. I have met so many great guys in real life, but they always seem to have girlfriends or are married. They are handsome, kind , clever and have good careers.

When I go on dating apps, I just don't seem to find guys like that on there. I feel quite lonely and I would love to have a partner. I have been on so many awful dates with guys I have met online.

AIBU to think that the best men with lots going for them (good looks, kind, good job etc) are rare on dating apps?

The last one I dated off the internet was mediocre but I’m now happily married to his best friend. So it worked, indirectly

I was just thinking the same OP, I have been in and off dating apps for years and am yet to find a genuine nice guy, I have been on loads of dates, most have lied about who they are (age, job….some were in relationships/married), I have been ghosted many times and love bombed. Most guys (probably women too) seem to have a lot of baggage, mental health issues, issues with their ex and personal hygiene issues 😬. I am starting to wonder if there’s anyone in there worth dating.

TBF it takes two to sustain a marriage.

I met my DH on Tinder when I was 30. I'd been on OLD sites on and off for several years before I met him and had a couple of mini relationships (a few months each).

It's a numbers game and yes you will need to plough through a lot of rubbish, but there are decent men out there. A good profile is everything. One fun fact is that me and DH were on POF and Tinder, but I ignored him on POF because his profile was awful.

I tried the paid sites but actually found that I attracted more weirdos on those.

Remember online dating is just the introduction, just the same as meeting someone in a bar. Don't talk for weeks and weeks before arranging a date. First date should be a single school night drink, so you can escape quickly if they're not for you.

I agree that they all seem like there is something just wrong with them! There is just something 'off' about many of them.

Whether or not they actually swipe right back on me sorts out most profiles. Remember that men swipe right three times as much as women, so the proportion of my "likes" that become matches will be much smaller for me than for you.

Then if they reply to messages (in the case of Bumble that also means initiating them).

That's already a very short shortlist so unless there's absolutely no sign of shared interests by this point I've got nothing to lose by steering towards a meetup.

Alot yes. I was on dating apps before we met but my husband wasn't. However friends have met good guys on dating apps

In my experience, the men with the attributes women consider desirable (those of middle age!) are too busy focusing on their careers, their children (if not with mother), their broader family, or living balanced lives in general. I’ve not had any awful experiences online dating due to quite strict ‘filtering’ but have concluded that many men on there of my age, despite being perfectly nice people, tend to not have too much to offer. The perpetual singletons. Often with Peter Pan syndrome. They are involuntarily single. Whereas most women seem to be voluntarily single. Maybe just my demographic. I have a few very eligible single male friends. They are too busy with their lives and are aware that relationships require self awareness, selflessness, reciprocity and effort. They have commented that generally speaking middle aged women are more ‘together’ and don’t seem to need relationships in the same way men do. Confirms my feelings. I would like someone to enhance my already pretty good life. I’m not looking for someone to fix what is lacking in my life that I could build!

@MinorWomensWhiplash1 thanks that is good advice

I sort of agree! But where do you find the "best" single men these days??

I've found that since Me Too and stuff men are more reluctant to start a conversation in a bar and other social places

@user1471426477 I am not your 'dear'
Thank the lord lots of us young single parents avoided having you as a mother-in-law!

So, would you consider someone who “aspire” to be a good career man?
you are very young. If you focus on building a good career, you’ll meet people with similar careers.

There is nothing wrong in what this user is saying. Because, honestly, you are looking for someone who takes on your+ your child’s financial responsibility and if things don’t work out after getting married, you’ll obviously go for half his assets! Don’t you see how you are not a very attractive proposition for anyone with half a brain??

it has nothing to do with your single mom status. It’s about your financial situation and how you are looking for a man with a “good career” when you don’t have one yourself!! How hypocritical!

You may be career minded etc, but on the surface, you sound like a proper gold digger.

There are plenty of men out there who tick all the boxes for you, but unfortunately you don’t tick boxes for them!

@User112 Yes, I would consider a guy who aspires to have career.

*a career

@User112 I think you are confusing two different posters! There is everything wrong with what the poster @user1471426477 is saying and the post is filled with misogyny!
Her golden son is to good for women who has children and is a single parent! He does after all have his own business!!!! Which has no indication of his character or even if he is doing well!

My son is 25 and he has said numerous times that the only men on dating sites are questionable at best. From everything I've ever heard, I believe him.

In Sense he wants to build a life with someone. Not pick up someone else's.

If he hasn't figured out that in order to build a life going forward, picking up the other person's life is necessary, then it's probably best he left the apps.

Does he think the perfect partner is just waiting to spring into being for him, conveniently past and baggage-less, with no prior life experience? As if she's waited to live and build her own life until HE came along and gave her the signal to start?

You do realise there haven't been any 'student nights' for the last 2 years don't you

You just can't afford to be really picky when you're older

Yes you can. It's called self-respect. No-one, but no-one needs to "settle".

I agree, I settled when I was YOUNG! NO idea why I did that.

I'm 52 now and wouldn't settle for anything I didn't want now. I'm single and so be it. What's so bad about being single!? I do feel sorry for people who cannot be alone.

ha that's a funny OLD story!
Were they close friends? do you every have to see him?

Wow, apart from the fact that this is such a horrible post, let's get real. There are thousands of women on line. If your son is a young man and wasn't meeting any women without children maybe he was prioritising looks over what his mother wanted him to want.

I'm a single parent and I left my x because he wasn't my equal in any way (my mistake, paid for it) I have my own house and job and pension and I was wary of the type of men who thought like you, that a single parent had lost her ''value'' and would have to settle.

I'm probably older than your son mind you and the men I was ''dating'' were 50 ish and had no children and were only just beginning to wonder if their priorities had served them well.

I never ever saw my children as baggage. I felt sorry for the men who'd had so much casual sex they were unable to form an attachment with anybody and yet were looking/hoping to become fathers and needed a woman a decade + younger to find them attractive.

It was a bit sad.

This makes no sense. There are all types of men, and indeed, women who online date. Just as in real life, there are low quality men and women, AKA ‘the dregs’, Mr and Mrs Average and then there are the drop dead gorgeous men and women, just like in real life 🤷🏻‍♀️

I met my DH on Tinder. He is absolutely gorgeous! He is also the funniest, kindest man I’ve ever met. He has a professional career, no sketchy past (not married / no kids). I dated loads of very decent, eligible men before him, all from Tinder. I have loads of stunning, fully functioning female friends who are signed up to Tinder, they are looking to date men of their ilk. They wouldn’t be bothering if it was all low standard losers

In London, I’d wager that Tinder is in the top three of how most modern couples met / meet.

In an attempt to prevent you from further embarrassing yourself on a public platform, I suggest you note the below.

’Of’ = have
Common nouns, i.e. son, experience, are only capitalised at the beginning of a sentence

If your son’s grammar is as woeful as yours, it could be the reason he didn’t have any success on Tinder. A deal breaker for me 🤷🏻‍♀️