to think the most of the best men don't use dating apps?

[Heytheredeliah]

I am actively trying online dating at the moment and most of the men on there are just rude and awful. The messages I get are weird or rude. The conversation sometimes starts off fine and then goes weird. I have met so many great guys in real life, but they always seem to have girlfriends or are married. They are handsome, kind , clever and have good careers.

When I go on dating apps, I just don't seem to find guys like that on there. I feel quite lonely and I would love to have a partner. I have been on so many awful dates with guys I have met online.

AIBU to think that the best men with lots going for them (good looks, kind, good job etc) are rare on dating apps?

That’s extremely harsh on those of us who’s marriages broke down through no fault of our own.

Same for women? All the older single ones are duds?

Really? God if that's the level you have to stoop too. No wonder your single dear.

What's wrong with being single? @user1471426477 you seem to think it's some sort of insult.

Single women do outnumber single men, for a variety of reasons, and it's particularly uneven in urban areas. Here's a study of US census data as an example:

www.magnifymoney.com/news/single-adults-study/

I met my DH on match.com in the 1990s when it was so new it was free and there was no ability to upload pictures, which made sense since no one had digital cameras. It was much the same back then. But it did greatly expand the pool of men to pick from, even back then. I never would have met DH offline, he lived a bit too far away.

DH and I were both in our 30s and recently divorced. There was nothing "wrong" with either of us. Due to circumstances beyond our control, we were both back in the dating pool. While I think that there is some truth to the idea that there is a certain core of OLD participants who really shouldn't be in a relationship at all, I also think that some number of good candidates go into the pool on a regular basis as well.

Take heart OP. We just celebrated our silver wedding anniversary, had two great kids, and have had a strong, happy marriage. He's been a lovely husband and brilliant father.

A lot of nice blokes don't have the confidence for online dating.

What about friends of friends or the old fashioned way in a bar. 🤔

I used Tinder and Bumble extensively for 2 yrs post-divorce.
I think it's a great way to meet women from all over the world.
I would say it's a game of exposure and numbers, plus you need to know the attributes and values you're looking for in a partner.
I did have fun, but I would say out of the hundreds of dates I went on, only a dozen or so had electric chemistry with, but less than a handful worth pursuing a life with.

In the end, I met someone we're 3 yrs, house, fiscally sound, relationship-focused, strong family ethic, no mental health issues, not a drunkard, druggy, gossiper, good home-making skills, she has a moral code, ethical standards, accountability, etc, etc.

What a load of bobbins - if that was true there wouldn't be any couples at all.

I happen to agree with the statement.

Why is it bobbins?

Possibly because it assumes men and women are two homogenous masses with exactly the same preferences and opinions.

Perhaps not. I will ask my friends if they know any nice single guys.

In true mumsnet style some poster seem to see it as :

single man - must be something wrong with him
single woman - just be something wrong with the men out there

Ultimately it’s true, as a pp said that single women outnumber single men. So let’s be generous and say 50% of each sex are good prospects. All the men who are good prospects will be snapped up, but that will still leave a surplus of women who are good prospects, with no decent men left. It’s basic maths. So it’s not sexist to say only the dregs of men are left. The numbers are against women.

I dabbled on and off in OLD for 20 years+ had a couple of reasonable length relationships out of it. But I’ve given up now. The proportion of men who ask me whether I’m shaved and do anal, far outweighs the number of men who ask me what my job and hobbies are! It’s pathetic and I am not that desperate.

@User112 I hate the phrase 'takes on' because frankly whoever is joining my family (if that even happens) is very much being 'taken on' by us...the already established, very happy and prudent family unit.

Just because I am a single parent does not mean I Am not financially stable nor have half a brain.

God what is wrong with the world?

Ultimately it’s true, as a pp said that single women outnumber single men.
I can't find anything to reinforce this claim - do you have a link to where this can be substantiated. Not in any way doubting what you say, but my googling only turns up results saying the opposite - at least for the UK.

Dont give up.... i met the man of my dreams OLD 7 years ago and we tied the knot in April this year. My ex husband is a knob, who i met conventionally. Be as honest as possible, think seriously about what you really want and perhaps more importantly, what you dont want. Any absolute no no's for you?Politics etc / values. ... ask for friends help. Have a laugh, be patient and pay for a dating service. People who are paying are more likely to be invested / taking it seriously. Good luck... and have fun! 😍

Do you think men are attracted to women because of the work they do and their hobbies?

This goes back to the difference between what men really think and what women think!

Personally, I would never marry a woman who didn't have a job, however, the initial attraction has to be there, is she beautiful, do I get butterflies. Then there are other fundamental non-material qualities that come into play.

Personally, I would never marry a woman who didn't have a job, however, the initial attraction has to be there, is she beautiful, do I get butterflies.

Are you shaved and do you do anal?

I would never ask a date that question. That's why I missed that part of the comment.
I just don't feel men think Woah, she's got a good job.😂

Dp had 3 jobs when I met her, now she has 2, non of that was the deciding factor in whether I wanted to continue pursuing a relationship after a couple of weeks.

I’m not interested in your thoughts. I just want to know whether you remove your pubic hair and take it up the arse.

Women get this shit from men ALL THE TIME. Men really should be paying attention instead of dismissing it.

I think I disagree slightly. Yes there has to be an initial physical attraction, on both sides, but I am join to ask about jobs and hobbies, and yes I am attracted to a lot of things, job (well, that’s correlated to ambition, and intelligence) is something that I’d find attractive.

I see and hear this, and know that women get a lot of, frankly unacceptable, shit like this.

im sorry (on behalf of the blokes who wouldn’t dream of doing it), and I wish we (blokes) could get them to stop it.

Well if not on apps, how do us mere mortals find these good men?????

Same place we find the good women

let me know when you find out 😀

Most of the regulars at my local are 20 years older than me (though some of the bar staff are quite attractive). Nightcubs aren't my scene, and someone who frequents them probably isn't my type anyway (I prefer someone outdoorsy).

Friends of friends? Most of my friends and colleagues are likewise 20 years older than me so the odds of them playing cupid are fairly remote.