to think the most of the best men don't use dating apps?

[Heytheredeliah]

I am actively trying online dating at the moment and most of the men on there are just rude and awful. The messages I get are weird or rude. The conversation sometimes starts off fine and then goes weird. I have met so many great guys in real life, but they always seem to have girlfriends or are married. They are handsome, kind , clever and have good careers.

When I go on dating apps, I just don't seem to find guys like that on there. I feel quite lonely and I would love to have a partner. I have been on so many awful dates with guys I have met online.

AIBU to think that the best men with lots going for them (good looks, kind, good job etc) are rare on dating apps?

If people say 'the good ones are already married' etc about the men, where does that leave the women on dating apps. Could the same not be said for them?

It's a way to meet people. My friend who's divorced met some really awful blokes until she went onto a paid site. Now she has met someone considerably less awful than the ones before him. He still has baggage and things she wouldn't have settled for 20 years ago, so he could say the same about her.

You just can't afford to be really picky when you're older.

It’s a numbers game, you just need to weed through the rubbish.

I met DH through a paid site and it was great, there seemed to be lots of normal men (and my lovely DH), I was also on a free one (pof I think) and had much less success there. That was a long time ago, but my friend has been dating online and meets much nicer men on match than she does on tinder.

I haven't tried those yet. I might give them a go

@LoveLarry No I don’t think it is the same for women actually. Personally I believe there are a lot more eligible single women of all ages out there compared to men. Sorry if you’re a bloke. As a group you really need to up your game imo.

@sqirrelfriends I have never tried a paid site, but I will definitely consider it now after hearing other people's success stories. I agree, the men on tinder are absolutely dire!

@MinorWomensWhiplash1 I agree with you completely. I know so many lovely, attractive, successful single women. Can't say the same for men.

Yep. Also lots of lovely women in relationships with shitty or at least very average men.

If all the good men you need irl are already taken, doesn't it stand to reason that those men aren't on line dating either?

I'm sure there are exceptions, just like all the men you know irl must have had times when they were single, but they get snapped up quickly so aren't in the pool for long.

To be honest, I should have known that. I just hoped it would be different. I agree they get snapped up quickly.

I'm glad you clarified. I was already feeling like a reject but I agree that there are lots of lovely single women

I know as I'm one. I don't know what I'm doing wrong as I don't even get approached by the arseholes

I met DP on Tinder six years ago, and he’s OK most of the time 😂

My experience of Tinder was a pretty good one, I met three people through it, including DP. The other two were nice but no romantic spark after a few dates. I was fairly picky, not in terms of looks but in terms of them actually having taken the time to write a profile that demonstrated some shared interests and a sense of humour.

I think what's different about a lot of men vs most women is the men arent in a rush to pair up.

So they wait. They are ok with being single a while, and won't bother wasting time on people that aren't a great prospect. This means that maybe one day when that lovely colleague or friend they've always liked is finally available, they are free and uncommitted.

A lot of women are desperate to meet someone and be in a committed relationship. So they will put up with dating various sub-optimal guys, and when that nice bloke from tennis is single & looking, they are dating some loser from OLD and appear unavailable.

HeyThereDeliah You are very young still ,many guys of this age arent mature and may not be looking for a RL long term .Perhaps some late 20s or early 30s ?You have forever to find someone nice .Any Mates of your friends boyfriends going spare? Any one at work. Any thing you enjoy.My friends DD met her DH at the Tennis Club .Maybe give OLD a break for now

Also what men consider a really great woman, is very very different to what women consider a really great man

It's a matter of opinion, there is no "worst or best" as we all want different things. But going out and doing things you enjoy is a much better way to meet people in my opinion. You can gauge people better in person and you can very easily meet likeminded people at meet ups.

Yes, dating apps harbour some very strange people in my experience (via friends). I dabbled but didn't enjoy meeting pervs and boring people so often. In real life settings you can more easily screen for people like this and avoid them.

What’s your career situation like OP? Men with a good career want a woman with a good career.

My STBXH was on all of the sites : Tinder , Bumble , exaggerating his job and oh yeah , left out the part where he was married and still living at home. All this info on his second secret phone. Probably lots of losers like this , wasting decent women's time.

My Son was on Tinder for a while but left.

To be honest I wish he would l settle down and was thought he was being fussy.... Till he showed me!

I agree with previous posters it's only the failures on there.

The pool of partners was shocking. I'd say 90 percent between 25-35 were Single Mums "not looking for fun"... Maybe they should of thought about that before having kids!

My Son owns his own house and company. He isnt looking to play step daddy to someone with multiply kids from different relationships.

He wants to To have FUN! To travel. To Experience new things. In Sense he wants to build a life with someone. Not pick up someone else's.

@dottiedodah I am a student at the moment and there isn't anyone at work I like. There are a lot of great guys at university, but they always have girlfriends (of course). Really it is the case the best guys I know have a girlfriend. I met an amazing man a couple of years ago. Handsome, fantastic job, good sense of humour but sadly I didn't notice his wedding ring.

DillonPanthersTexas Any suggestions of high end Michelin star type restaurants as a first date

This will depend on your finances and on the social circles you move in. Amongst some of my friends, no-one would bat an eyelid at this. Many people prefer to eat at a top quality restaurant rather than a slightly cheaper less reliable one. I appreciate that some women might be looking for a free meal, but just agree to pay half in advance in that case?

A reluctance to move from messaging to an actual phone call. I always insisted on speaking first before meeting. If you can't hold a conversation on the phone you will struggle in person.

Thankfully I only used OLD for 3 weeks and am not single, but a man I'd never met wanting my telephone number and insisting on grilling me over the phone would be a complete red flag. I don't even have phone conversations with my closest friends! Are you quite old? What a strange thing to say. Who uses the phone now? It sounds cringeworthy to do this with a complete stranger, whereas a coffee in a public place where you see all the nuances of facial expression and don't risked being stalked by a nutter who has access to your phone number is a much safer idea for women. tbh I'd be more of the opinion that any man who demanded my phone number and a phone conversation and refused to meet up in person wasn't discerning enough about the number of women they were chatting to and was likely to be a timewaster, and block him.

Suggestions of meeting at your house as a first date.

Do women actually do this as well? Who on earth would offer to go round to a complete strangers' house? Do they try and get payment for it? There were so many men suggesting it on OLD that I got seriously creeped out by it and stopped using it. Even having to listen to those suggestions was soul destroying.

@User112 I am at good university studying what most people to consider to be a good subject and currently doing a summer internship. I aspire to a career woman for sure.

@user1471426477 I agree that there are a bunch of rejects on tinder! Not saying they are all like that. My mum also thought I was being fussy until I told her some of the messages I got. She was absolutely horrified at some of them.
I mean who raised some of these people?!

Met my partner on tinder. I had 8000+ matches and I’ve been on over 100 dates. He had 3 matches, had the app 3 days before we matched.

i think you just need to persevere

If you are just a young student, I'm surprised you are that desperate to find a bloke to resort to OLD really? I thought the whole point of university was you go with friends to wherever the student nights are on, you kiss enough frogs to find your prince?

Met DH on OLD 10 years ago now. He’s definitely not the dregs 😂 at least to me anyway.

As others have said had to weed through the weirdos but it was worth it.