DH didn't help little girl

[Whatshisface]

My DH was in a shopping center.

He was about to go down an escalator, but in front was a man on his phone and what he assumes was his 3/4 year old daughter.

The man was still talking away on his phone, his daughter was a step or two behind him when the dad got on the escalator.

The daughter hesitated and just stood at the top; DH then is next to the little one, who reaches out her hand to DH --- my DH didn't take it, but instead got on the escalator himself.

The man then shouted up to the girl 'stay there, stay there' as he had to walk to the opposite end of the center to get to the 'up' escalator.

DH said he looked up and a woman had stopped to stay with the little one.

I was really mortified DH hadn't either 1) taken her hand to take her down with him, or 2) stayed with her until her dad came back.

But DH said, as a male, and it being a little girl, he 100% didn't feel comfortable with either scenario.

Did he do the right thing?

I'd have instinctively taken the little one's hand and been reassuring and kind to her, taking her to her dad at the bottom. and would have resisted telling the dad what an idiot he his

A man I worked with said he once reported a little girl lost in a shopping centre. The security staff said he couldn't leave & had to be questioned, like he'd done something wrong. He said he'd never help in the same situation again.

There's a scene in the TV show 'blackish' called 'little white girl in the elevator ' that's hilarious but too true. ( You can find it on YouTube)

I see most of the reply's don't agree but I'll still give you my original answer.

He could of took her hand, got her on the escalator behind her dad & immediately shouted, enough/until the dad turned around. Then handed her to him.
Better than leaving her at risk of falling.

And yes, if it were my own kids & I'd somehow left one behind I would be fine with a man immediately behind me holding their hand & shouting to me.

Honestly it wouldn’t have occurred to me to help or stay with the kid at all (I’m female). The dad was there, the child wasn’t in danger. Not my kid, not my problem.

if a distressed child was completely alone that’s another matter, I would’ve tried to find a staff member in that situation but no, a kid standing by an escalator wouldn’t have even registered as something I need to get involved in. I also do agree with your DH that sadly if he did, it could’ve been misconstrued. Seems I’m in the minority though.

Yes. It could be your child or grandchild who falls down an escalator or gets lost next to a busy road and is killed or injured because no one intervenes. What would you want people to have done in those circumstances?

Though one thing I have noticed with my DH is that he just doesn't 'clock' little children when we're out and about in the same way that I do. I don't know whether it's because they're below his eye level or something like that but often he hasn't even noticed there's one around. Whereas I tend to notice and think automatically "Who are they with?".

Very true!

I don't think anyone is fibbing, but everyone seems to see a different amount of strikethrough. I'm guessing it's fine on the website, but not on the App?

Twice I’ve carried kids down an escalator in this exact scenario, dads getting on who didn’t seem to realise a toddler wouldn’t just walk on themselves. Both times I’ve just said to the dads ‘I’ll bring them down’ but I’m female, I get why a male wouldn’t. Although I think DH would probably ask the dad if he wanted him to.

I've been in a similar situation, where it was my dc in danger. A man came to find me, for which I was very grateful, but didn't actually physically remove the child from the danger.

I'd much rather he had moved her to safety! So sad men feel like they can't do that in today's society.

I asked some male friends what they'd have done afterwards and about half agreed not to touch the child, and the other half said getting the child to safely should have trumped such concerns.

Your DPs reaction wouldn't sit well with me either OP. The child was in a dangerouse situation and he just left. Either because his first thought was about what people would think of him, or thats an excuse for being a Busy and Important man who shouldn't have to deal with children.

My partner would have shouted to ask the dad if he should bring her down, and takeh it from there.

It’s not the same. If the child was in a safe place of course they could be looked after without touching but the girl could have tried to get on the escalator in panic and had a fall. It’s acceptable to hold a child hand and keep them out of danger.

Its also more ‘dramatic’ if you are a shop working because they are worried about their insurance and reputation etc. If it had been a shop with an escalator in and you prevented a possible accident I’d hope they would not tell you off.

if the Child was in Danger then correct to assist without doubt, it sounds as if the girls father was too interested in his phone to worry about child.

In your husbands case he absolutely did the correct thing by not taking the girls hand, he could have waited with her til parent came back. It is very easy to be accused even by the parents the child you assist and or passerby of touching someone even to help them!

Escalators are fucking dangerous and scary for little kids. Both men behaved appallingly to leave a little kid alone on top of one, in my view.

He was 100% correct you need to look at it from a male point of view men are always seen with suspicion .

I got on the escalator with my 5 year old, holding her hand. She immediately shouted 'teddy', I looked & she had dropped her teddy onto the step below. Without hesitation I swapped my holding her hand to my other one, said 'DON'T MOVE', stepped one step down, picked it up, stepped back up to her & then we got off.

At the same time as I swapped her hand a man 3 steps down from us said 'Should I get it' but as I was already on my 'Right. Swap. Teddy. Step. Quick!'. Thought process, I didn't answer, when I picked it up he muttered 'Fine. Whatever'. Once I was back with her I turned & said 'Thank you anyway' & he turned away & blanked me.

That wasn't anything to do with him being a man but he was obviously annoyed. I thought why didn't he just grab it? I've grabbed teddy's/toys that have been thrown from prams & handed them to the parent as I walk by... But it's because he's male isn't it.

I remember the absolute horror at Gatwick airport of my little dc suddenly panicking and refusing to get on the escalator. I was with second dc on my own and we were on it- I couldn't get back up and at the bottom he was out of sight. I then had to try to manage little dc, suitcase, crowds - thank god security had found him at the top.

DP would've done the same, wouldn't have risked "strange man showing interest in an unrelated child" syndrome.

It's a shame that men are more concerned about potential assumptions of their character than doing the right thing. Any suspicions would have been very fleeting.

My boss called me into the back office and near enough gave me a warning. He said whatever the situation you should never ever touch the child, even holding the hand as if the situation was misunderstood, it would bring the shop into disrepute.

He said it did not matter what the intention was, the correct response was to call over another staff member then call the police. I didn't have time to do any of that as the parent ran in as I was bending down to try and comfort and listen to the child and understand what they were saying. It all happened very quickly.

He’s in a totally public area
in sight of her dad and other people. She was in danger. On balance I’d say I’d be far more worried about leaving her alone at the top of an escalator than any accusation that may be made. What do people really think is going to happen by staying with her or shouting down to dad to see if he wants her brought down. I’d be ashamed if I’d done nothing

I trust his instinct.

Correct to care more about what people think than a child's safety? Lots on here agree with you. We've got the society we deserve it seems.

I think the outcome was fine in this case - the idiot dad who was more occupied with his phone than his child was inconvenienced and had to return to collect her. Hopefully he will have realised he was at fault and will be more careful in future. Taking the child to him wouldn't have had the same effect.

My husband often feels conflicted around little kids in public in case anyone accuses him of having bad intentions. It's genuinely sad that our society is such that all men are seen as threats to little kids. My DH is responsible, caring and a great Dad. He would absolutely keep a lone child safe whilst we located a parent....

Exactly this.
It’s so depressing.

Almost all of it is crossed out for me. I wondered what point you were trying to make crossing it all out

To be fair, the whole encounter would have lasted seconds, and in that split second when he thought ‘oh drat, I could have assisted’ he would have already been moving down himself.