Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH didn't help little girl

602 replies

Whatshisface · 02/07/2022 06:39

My DH was in a shopping center.

He was about to go down an escalator, but in front was a man on his phone and what he assumes was his 3/4 year old daughter.

The man was still talking away on his phone, his daughter was a step or two behind him when the dad got on the escalator.

The daughter hesitated and just stood at the top; DH then is next to the little one, who reaches out her hand to DH --- my DH didn't take it, but instead got on the escalator himself.

The man then shouted up to the girl 'stay there, stay there' as he had to walk to the opposite end of the center to get to the 'up' escalator.

DH said he looked up and a woman had stopped to stay with the little one.

I was really mortified DH hadn't either 1) taken her hand to take her down with him, or 2) stayed with her until her dad came back.

But DH said, as a male, and it being a little girl, he 100% didn't feel comfortable with either scenario.

Did he do the right thing?

I'd have instinctively taken the little one's hand and been reassuring and kind to her, taking her to her dad at the bottom. and would have resisted telling the dad what an idiot he his

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
UsernameNowAvailable · 02/07/2022 06:52

This is how my DH is sometimes, and I feel the same as you. It is sad people are so wary of getting involved.

InChocolateWeTrust · 02/07/2022 06:53

I'm sorry but I can completely understand your DH perspective.

These days it's too easy to be misconstrued. I'd expect someone to perhaps watch a child, but from a distance, particularly given he could see her own parent was in view

YouCahnts · 02/07/2022 06:54

Almost all crossed out for me apart from first few lines

Original poster
Whatshisface · 02/07/2022 06:55

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 06:49

About half of it is crossed for me. Still readable and an obvious error so ignore the arses.

That's so strange, it's still just showing the very last line as crossed through on my device. Must be a glitch, apologies!

OP posts:
justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 06:55

I'm really surprised that so many pp would leave a very young child in danger rather than intervening, for fear of their motives being misconstrued. What would happen if you saw a young child lost and alone somewhere, or about to cross a busy road? Surely their safety trumps everything.

CrispieCake · 02/07/2022 06:57

He should have stayed next to the child until she was out of danger and shouted for the parent. I wouldn't think much of anyone leaving a little child at the top of an escalator... children can have absolutely horrific accidents on them.

Hopeful16 · 02/07/2022 06:57

This is your post!

DH didn't help little girl
Shoxfordian · 02/07/2022 06:57

I wouldn’t have intervened either, doesn’t seem necessary- her dad noticed she wasn’t with him and went back up for her so no harm done

timeisnotaline · 02/07/2022 06:58

Are you sure he didn’t just not register and then felt bad admitting that? We were out in london and a woman with a pram was at the top of the escalators just to the side. My Dh just thought she’s waiting to meet someone. It was blindly obvious to me that she was waiting for someone to help her down so I sent him over! He was just oblivious because he doesn’t need help with things… similarly the first time we got on a bus with a baby in a pram he parked the pram with our baby in it, out the brakes on and went and sat down the back, I was gobsmacked. (He’s really a far far better dad than these anecdotes show!!)

SmileyPiuPiu · 02/07/2022 06:59

Whatshisface · 02/07/2022 06:55

That's so strange, it's still just showing the very last line as crossed through on my device. Must be a glitch, apologies!

Show quote history

Yes that's how it seems to me. Don't worry about it it's not something you've done so people who are having a go at you for it need to have a look at themselves.

onelittlefrog · 02/07/2022 06:59

I really feel sorry for men nowadays in situations like this. They just can't do the right thing.

You might have noticed the other thread up this morning where a mum is complaining about a male teacher waking up a girls' dorm on a residential trip, and all the argument about whether or not he should have done that.

I just think men who have no bad intentions are damned if they do, damned if they don't with this stuff sometimes. I can understand why he didn't help and there was a woman who stepped in anyway so the child was fine.

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 06:59

Shoxfordian · 02/07/2022 06:57

I wouldn’t have intervened either, doesn’t seem necessary- her dad noticed she wasn’t with him and went back up for her so no harm done

The dad had to walk to the opposite end of the shopping centre to get the escalator going up.

BellePeppa · 02/07/2022 06:59

He was right not to hold her hand but wrong not to stay with her.

Original poster
Whatshisface · 02/07/2022 07:00

UsernameNowAvailable · 02/07/2022 06:52

This is how my DH is sometimes, and I feel the same as you. It is sad people are so wary of getting involved.

That's it exactly - it made me feel so sad that my lovely DH felt he shouldn't help. Of course I know he's 100% trustworthy but simply being male puts him in a bracket.

It wouldn't occur to me not to help in some way; it's somehow 'safer' for females.

OP posts:
SmileyPiuPiu · 02/07/2022 07:01

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 06:55

I'm really surprised that so many pp would leave a very young child in danger rather than intervening, for fear of their motives being misconstrued. What would happen if you saw a young child lost and alone somewhere, or about to cross a busy road? Surely their safety trumps everything.

There's ways to intervene though. If he'd said, let's wait back a bit from the escalator until daddy comes back and stood back a bit thats different to physically leading her way from the location in anyway. Kids need to know not to go off with strangers male or female and shouldn't be taking their hands.

PollenHigh · 02/07/2022 07:02

Your DH’s actions were completely understandable and not unreasonable.

SmileyPiuPiu · 02/07/2022 07:03

Alternatively he could have waited with her and asked someone to wait with him too.

Heyisforhorses · 02/07/2022 07:03

Your DH was about to get on an escalator, I think we go on auto pilot going on them and deal with distractions seconds later. That said your DH didnt feel comfortable bringing her or staying with her and very sadly I don't blame him it's too easy for things to turn.

Terriblethirtytwos · 02/07/2022 07:04

My DH would absolutely have helped the little girl and I would have found it very out of character if he hadn’t. He works in healthcare though so is very used to helping in a physical way and it wouldn’t have phased him. It’s really sad (though understandable) that so many men would probably want to help but feel they couldn’t.

Unless your DH was really callous or unpleasant about the little girl, though, I wouldn’t think any more about it.

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 07:04

Think of every story you've ever read of a child getting hurt, dying or going missing while they were lost or separated from their parents. Are pp really saying that, if you'd seen them getting into trouble, you wouldn't have helped? There wasn't even any risk to ops dp in this case because it was a busy shopping centre and the dad was in shouting distance.

Original poster
Whatshisface · 02/07/2022 07:05

onelittlefrog · 02/07/2022 06:59

I really feel sorry for men nowadays in situations like this. They just can't do the right thing.

You might have noticed the other thread up this morning where a mum is complaining about a male teacher waking up a girls' dorm on a residential trip, and all the argument about whether or not he should have done that.

I just think men who have no bad intentions are damned if they do, damned if they don't with this stuff sometimes. I can understand why he didn't help and there was a woman who stepped in anyway so the child was fine.

Exactly! I hadn't realised how DH had internalised this, and found it so sad he felt the only option was to carry on.

As a PP has said, it was an on-the-spot, one second decision for him, and the girl was safe in the end!

OP posts:
WhereIsVillanelleWhenNeeded · 02/07/2022 07:05

I think your DH did what he felt was right. The real problem is the dad consumed by his phone leaving his DD vulnerable, at the top of an escalator.

OneFrenchEgg · 02/07/2022 07:05

Really weird responses. Ever since when I was a teen and read about how a man saw a tiny kid alone but didn't stop to help became he was worried someone would think he was a paedophile, and the child (escaped from nursery) drowned it's really stuck with me how harmful that could be to assume you'll be criticised.
I think DH would probably have stopped with the kid and shouted down to dad. He might have held the kids hand, I just don't think he would have walked past.

anybloodyname · 02/07/2022 07:06

QuebecBagnet · 02/07/2022 06:50

I’m only seeing the last line crossed out.

I see everything but the last line crossed out - how strange !

Heyisforhorses · 02/07/2022 07:06

And in fact this is on her dad not your DH so although you may not agree, it was the dad that was wrong and neglectful