DH didn't help little girl

[Whatshisface]

My DH was in a shopping center.

He was about to go down an escalator, but in front was a man on his phone and what he assumes was his 3/4 year old daughter.

The man was still talking away on his phone, his daughter was a step or two behind him when the dad got on the escalator.

The daughter hesitated and just stood at the top; DH then is next to the little one, who reaches out her hand to DH --- my DH didn't take it, but instead got on the escalator himself.

The man then shouted up to the girl 'stay there, stay there' as he had to walk to the opposite end of the center to get to the 'up' escalator.

DH said he looked up and a woman had stopped to stay with the little one.

I was really mortified DH hadn't either 1) taken her hand to take her down with him, or 2) stayed with her until her dad came back.

But DH said, as a male, and it being a little girl, he 100% didn't feel comfortable with either scenario.

Did he do the right thing?

I'd have instinctively taken the little one's hand and been reassuring and kind to her, taking her to her dad at the bottom. and would have resisted telling the dad what an idiot he his

I think in a situation where a child could have fallen down an escalator and been horribly injured I am truly shocked anyone on this planet wouldn't have taken her hand. I would rather be accused of being a paedophile than let a 3 year old plunge down an escalator. SMH.

Maybe not all adults would feel safe taking a child on an escalator, its not just about being falsley accused but if themchild slipped they would feel dreadful. The dad obviously couldnt be bothered for some reason and thats the real issue.

It's an excuse not to bother doing anything.

The DH never said he didn’t feel safe to help the child. He said he was afraid of being accused of being a paedophile.

We all know that the Dad not taking care is the root cause but that’s not what this thread is about.

That's inane. The child is likely to slip on their own, not with an adult helping them. You'd feel dreadful if they slipped when you chose not to help them, presumably.

This. I’d probably would’ve done the same as I don’t clock kids like that. They don’t really come into my radar unless they are causing some commotion or something. If she was in imminent danger maybe I would’ve done something but just standing at the escalator wouldn’t have prompted me to react.

Keep an eye on the situation whilst going down the escalator 🤦 what's the point? Unless he runs back up it I suppose if something kicks off 😂 Might as well just stayed where he was till the kids father come back. He's not going get arrested for flaming standing there!!!! Jesus wept.

What makes you think they're unreliable? They look pretty solid to me.

I think many women have become so accustomed to the 'women and children first' mentality that they suffer from internalised entitlement where they expect men to play the disposable protector and always put others first. Equality had meant that many men no longer want to play this role.

Internalised entitlement...for expecting ADULTS to help keep CHILDREN safe?

And its ok for men not to bother because of equality?

Are you on glue?

About 2/3rds of British adults would hesitate to approach an apparently-lost child, for fear of being falsely accused.

www.heraldscotland.com/news/13176911.adults-fear-helping-lost-children-study-finds/

And that’s the response of people who’ve had time to think and consider a hypothetical situation, which was not the case for the OP’s DH.

Well then 2/3rds of British adults are selfish dopes. Terrified of a thing that almost never happens.

Well if you read the article, about 45% would at least keep an eye on the child from a distance and 47% would approach and assist (taken together that’s 92% that would at least be doing something to ensure the child’s welfare).

Having fears, even if they’re disproportionate and overblown, doesn’t make someone a ‘selfish dope’. Your insistence that someone shouldn’t be permitted to so much as hesitate for a moment, lest they be a ‘bad person’, is weird.

They can hesitate for a moment, then get the fuck over themselves and put a kid before themselves.

But in the OP’s DP’s case, that moment of hesitation was as he was stepping onto the escalator, so the opportunity to help instantly was lost.

Funny how the child's father didn't hesitate for a split second before getting on without his child. Nor did he bother to turn around and climb back up the couple of steps after realising.

Exactly @BadNomad. Apparently we should all be supporting the father because ‘everyone makes split second mistakes’ - yet the OP’s husband, an unrelated adult, is pilloried for doing the same.

Is it beyond you to work out that you can think BOTH men were wrong? It's not either/or.

The father made a stupid error, OP's husband actively chose not to assist.

You’re confused actually. The ‘everyone makes split second mistakes’ defence has been used umpteen times upthread to defend OP’s twatty H, not the twatty father.

The father who was responsible for his child
HIS child

The Dh has doesn’t know the child or father from Adam.

the DH who has no children of his own and likely very little experience with a 3 year old girl
The DH who would have grown up knowing that what you should never ever go with a stranger and likely would have subconsciously assumed this little girl had also been told that!

Funny how the woman on the escalator helped the girl though isn’t it?

You're twisting yourself up making excuses for him.

The DH confirmed as having no children.

the woman could have had children and a lot more comfortable with a three year old girl.
i would have gone up definitely

not so sure if in my twenties and pre children and bugger all experience of children. I would likely have assumed that had I gone up to toddler that she would start screaming “NO NO NO” and run off!!

it is amazing how once you have children, you become so much more adept at dealing with any child because you know the score.

whereas pre children and no experience - they are like an alien creature!

If the father had looked at me and said “please stay with her and I will be there in a few minutes. She may be anxious but just keep an eye on her”

I would have definitely stayed pre children
but I would have needed that parental guidance to reassure me that I wasn’t going to seriously disturb the little girl with stranger terror!

I always think it's better so something for a child's safety than do nothing at all. I'd rather be accused of ill intent than have someone with ill intent actually do something

If I was the father, I’d have felt a bit disconcerted if I saw a chap edging himself over to my 3 year old.

a woman however, much less disconcerted!

🤷‍♀️