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Original poster

DH didn't help little girl

602 replies

Whatshisface · 02/07/2022 06:39

My DH was in a shopping center.

He was about to go down an escalator, but in front was a man on his phone and what he assumes was his 3/4 year old daughter.

The man was still talking away on his phone, his daughter was a step or two behind him when the dad got on the escalator.

The daughter hesitated and just stood at the top; DH then is next to the little one, who reaches out her hand to DH --- my DH didn't take it, but instead got on the escalator himself.

The man then shouted up to the girl 'stay there, stay there' as he had to walk to the opposite end of the center to get to the 'up' escalator.

DH said he looked up and a woman had stopped to stay with the little one.

I was really mortified DH hadn't either 1) taken her hand to take her down with him, or 2) stayed with her until her dad came back.

But DH said, as a male, and it being a little girl, he 100% didn't feel comfortable with either scenario.

Did he do the right thing?

I'd have instinctively taken the little one's hand and been reassuring and kind to her, taking her to her dad at the bottom. and would have resisted telling the dad what an idiot he his

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Ohthatsexciting · 02/07/2022 08:09

maddiemookins16mum · 02/07/2022 08:07

To be fair, the whole encounter would have lasted seconds, and in that split second when he thought ‘oh drat, I could have assisted’ he would have already been moving down himself.

Exactly

but “fair” and mumsnet are not always compatible

Ohthatsexciting · 02/07/2022 08:10

Plus a woman was over to her In seconds

Original poster
Whatshisface · 02/07/2022 08:11

LookItsMeAgain · 02/07/2022 07:26

@Whatshisface - I'm on the app (mobile phone) and the majority of the post is crossed out. The last line actually isn't crossed out 😊
To the poster who said that someone was being argumentative by pointing it out, that's not exactly fair.
It is hard to read when the majority of the message is crossed out.

I think your DH was ok by not taking the child's hand. Their parent should get their head out of their phone and be more attentive to their child.

So weird! If you switch to the website via your phone (not app) then it should be correct!

DH didn't help little girl
OP posts:
LilyMarshall · 02/07/2022 08:11

OperaStation · 02/07/2022 06:45

He should have stayed with her. At the very least he would have been there to stop her having an accident by trying to get on the escalator by herself. I can’t get my head around an adult leaving a small child in danger.

This. There was a middle ground between acting like a paedophile and leaving a child in danger.

my dd did similar to many children on this thread when she was 3. At the top of the escalator, I had her with one hand and my baby ds in my arm. It was a long and steep escalator. As we stepped on, dd let go. I was frantic saying dont move. Then a security guard appeared behind her, pick her up under her arms, carried her down and plonked her in front if me. Dd thought it was great. The security guard held her like he was concerned she might explode. I was very relieved. After that we always waited for the lift.

ifonly4 · 02/07/2022 08:13

If the chap in front was on his phone, taking no notice of the child, for me it wouldn't have been 100% clear she was with him - she might have got lost and was tagging along, then tried to get your DH's attention. For this reason, he was right not to take her onto the escalator, but if I'd been him I'd have probably asked who she was in shopping centre with to gauge if she knew man in front.

daisypond · 02/07/2022 08:13

Hopeful16 · 02/07/2022 06:57

This is your post!

I don’t see any of that crossed out, only the last line. It’ll probably be the double dashes in that fourth paragraph after “DH” that cause a “strikethrough” command on some devices.

Rosebel · 02/07/2022 08:15

I wouldn't have taken her hand either but I would have waited with her. I can totally understand why your DH didn't though.
You only have to look at some of the threads on here to see how people react to a man doing anything.

Stompythedinosaur · 02/07/2022 08:16

I'd have been really disappointed in dp if he hadn't stopped to help a young child. I actually can't t imagine that happening.

He could have stopped and spoken to her gently and reassuringly, without touching her, and made sure she was safe until her parent got there.

Walking away from a dc who was seperated from their parent seems awful to me.

QueSyrahSyrah · 02/07/2022 08:16

Another one here seeing most of it crossed out!

Tough call for your DH, although he could have waited (even at a distance) to make sure she was ok.

Back in the 80s a friend and I did a runner in a shopping centre to the little 20p rides. A Man discovered us alone there and not wanting to be seen leading us away (to find someone who worked there) he just kept feeding it with 20ps until our Mums came galloping up in a panic Blush

SpaceFarce · 02/07/2022 08:17

DH says he wouldn’t have helped either, for fear of the little girl being more frightened by him, or accidentally hurting her if she changed her mind as she stepped on, or the dad giving him a smack for touching his daughter.

aletterfromseneca · 02/07/2022 08:18

I am a secret man (expecting to become a dad) lurking on mumsnet so I felt for once I should reveal myself.

My gut instinct would be to help, but I’d probably hesitate and do the same thing as OPs husband in the situation. It’s not about what will other people think, but what it could escalate to. You never know who is going to be the person to call security on you for helping.

When I was younger I helped more and maybe bring young I seemed less threatening so got away with it more but now I’m in my 30s and balding and tubby I’ve found generally that I’m best off pretending strangers children don’t exist rather than risk what could get kicked off for even waving back at a kid already waving at you. Maybe it’s not the look, maybe it’s a change over time in societal attitudes.

Originally I wanted to be a primary school teacher but around that time an older male I knew was leaving primary teaching because the looks and suspicion were too much and affecting his mental health. I just don’t think I’d be strong enough to take it in my stride and be a good teacher without second guessing how others might misinterpret every interaction.

Basically, in short: I think more men would like to help, but the risk makes you second guess it. Maybe in this situation I would have stood off at the side without interacting with the child, if I had enough time to run through scenarios before stepping in myself. At least I’d like to think I would have.

SpaceFarce · 02/07/2022 08:18

@QueSyrahSyrah that is the sweetest solution!

AllHailKingLouis · 02/07/2022 08:20

Thinking about it - I would have probably instinctively held the girls hand but I would have made a show of pointing at her dad and waving and getting her to wave to him etc just to make it obvious that I wasn’t trying to run off with her

WimpoleHat · 02/07/2022 08:21

It’s sad - but it’s a reflection of today’s society. I’m still enormously grateful to the young man who grabbed hold of my DD and extricated her from an escalator when she’d got her foot stuck (I couldn’t figure out how to do it, could see the bottom approaching and was starting to panic!). But in that situation, it would’ve been pretty risky for your DH just to get hold of a child; my DH wouldn’t have done so either. Yes, I suppose with hindsight, he could have shouted to the dad - “excuse me - your DD is here - shall I bring her down to you?”. But his actions are more a reflection on society than they are on him.

butterpuffed · 02/07/2022 08:22

A few years ago my late partner was waiting to pick up my daughter from school. A little girl of five or six fell over near him and he hesitated to help her up and asked a woman nearby to do so.

This really played on his mind that he felt unable to help. It's become a very sad world when all men are regarded as potentially suspicious .

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 02/07/2022 08:25

I was in a queue at a station a few years ago. A mother was holding a baby with one arm, a load of bags with the other. Her toddler fell over; her head landed on the shoe of the man standing behind - a guy in his 60s with his wife right next to him. He instinctively reached out to help the toddler up - it was either that or leave her lying on his foot till her mother could free up a hand to help. The mother yelled at him.

I don't blame your DH for not touching the child.

Ohthatsexciting · 02/07/2022 08:26

DH said he looked up and a woman had stopped to stay with the little one.

so the entire situation was resolved in nanoseconds

Trixiefirecracker · 02/07/2022 08:28

There’s a thread on here about a woman upset because a male teacher entered a female dorm to wake the children up on a residential trip away. Somehow that has become a safeguarding issue so I’m not surprised your DH was conflicted about what to do. The world has gone mad with paranoia sadly.

Ohthatsexciting · 02/07/2022 08:28

Op do you and your dh have children?

Thinkingblonde · 02/07/2022 08:29

Your DH did the right thing, I helped a little girl on an escalator in M&S, I told DH who said he wouldn’t have done it for the same reason your DH gave. . however he saved a little girl in the swimming pool who was upside down, stuck in a swimming ring. That was instinct.
A school in the area has a green junction box near it on the path, the kids sit on it after school, to wait for parents to catch up, A man walking past saw a girl slipping off it, he grabbed her to stop her from falling, , he then went on his way. The girl said ‘that man touched me’, Her mother called him a pervert, told the school Pedos were lurking in the streets, warnings were sent out to parents,. It made the news, This poor bloke got to hear of this and realised it was him the fuss was about, he went into school and gave his side of it. Fortunately another parent had seen it happen and backed him up after reading about it on SM.

HaveringWavering · 02/07/2022 08:33

I’m really surprised that your DH had time to think it through as much as he did.

You say she was 3/4- depends quite how little and wobbly she seemed I guess, and whether she was trying to get on to it to follow her Dad. My feeling is that if a child is in danger (ie of falling down the escalator) it’s a basic reaction to grab them and keep them safe- same as you would do if you saw them about to run into the road. Instinct would kick in and override any analysis of the consequences.

Given that she actually reached out her hand, it does seem very odd that he didn’t take it. With so many people around who could have vouched for him the risk of him being accused of something was tiny. Personally, if it had been my 4 year-old I’d probably have been quite angry at him for not helping her.

Newmumatlast · 02/07/2022 08:34

AllHailKingLouis · 02/07/2022 06:40

DH was right not to touch the kid. Can’t be too careful these days. He could have stayed with her though.

Agree. So a bit of both

MermaidMummy06 · 02/07/2022 08:35

My DH helped a little girl at the playground by lifting her up so she didn't fall. I told him to never, ever do it again, even if the child fell. Don't let kids engage you in conversation, either. Horrible especially since it's the parents not paying attention is often why it happens, but not worth the accusations & you've got to protect yourself.

Minimalme · 02/07/2022 08:36

A shopping centre will have cameras everywhere - your dh could have taken her hand and been assured that the cameras were recording what happened.

There is literally nothing untoward that could have happened, either to the little girl or dh if he had just taken her hand and travelled to the bottom of the escalator with her and handed her straight to her very shit Dad.

PinkPanther50 · 02/07/2022 08:36

I would have shouted to the dad to say his daughter was left behind so he could turn around and see me helping her on to the escalator.